Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Buy another case, send back Dneice’s Christmas present and wrap up your ruined case. She will be delighted but your sister and BIL will get the gist of it.

You can afford to give away £40? Lucky you. To the vast majority of people £40 is a significant sum. It's enough to feed a family of 4 for a week. Naturally you have to buy budget everything and bulk on vegetables and not eat meat everyday. But £40 is a lot of money when you don't have it. It's a very privileged mindset to suggest someone just doesn't bother claiming back money they're owed because the amount doesn't seem significant to you. The op literally said it was expensive. Does that not tell you that your perception of money is different?

Very good post from @Cannotorwillnot

I would follow her advice.

I hate parents who laugh and think their child’s bad behaviour is cute. I would be mortified and would pay for a new one. Surely most people would?

OP they do sound like absolute arseholes. who looks down on someone because they don't go to an exclusive fancy resort on holiday?

She wanted it in the moment she ruined it. I doubt she'll want it wrapped up for Xmas and the only thing she's getting from her aunt, when she thinks (and has probably been told by her awful parents) that she's getting something really special.

5yo can be awful certainly. But in this case I'd send my annoyance more towards the parents. It's not the 5yo's fault she's got idiots for parents.

Whatever nice gift you've bought for niece, return it or save it for another time/child, and give her a basic pack of printer paper and some pens.

And don't give your DSis and BIL anything. If they ask (which I'd hope they'd have the sense not to, once they see niece's present), shrug and say, "I used the money to replace the phone case, seeing as you didn't."

Maybe you DO want to train her to draw on things.
Maybe once you realised the parents’ attitudes you should have said “ clever girl: that’s yours now because you wrote your name on it. Here’s a Sharpie so when you get home you can write all over Mum and Dad’s stuff and they’ll have to give it to you.”

“A lot” is subjective because it’s all relative to people’s income and what they can afford.

I think what this poster means is that £38 is not expensive for a decent quality phone case, which it’s not. I paid £50 for mine on offer and it’s worth every penny for the amount of times that I’ve dropped it. There are many more out there that cost far more. Putting it simply, if the cost of the case negates the cost of having it replaced or repaired even once then it’s not a lot of money to pay by comparison. Next time you should consider all aspects of what you’re trying to say before rudely calling someone’s comment ridiculous.

Your sister and BIL sound unpleasant. Laughing when your things are ruined and expecting you to hand them over to their child as a toy. Telling you a measly £38 is to much to spend on yourself (what are you supposed to spend money on if you don’t have kids ).

I wouldn’t take it out on the child but they would defiantly be getting socks for Christmas. Can’t be to extravagant after all…

Well there you go then OP. The line is at your front door. "Athena, since Pandora has no respect for other people's homes and belongings, and you and Hephaestus CBA to teach her, none of you will be invited here again." If they and their daughter can't behave like reasonable human beings, why should you entertain them? I might also be tempted to get Pandora something noisy and annoying (a Fisher-Price item, all flashing lights, loud colours and infuriating sound effects would be ideal) and buy a new phone case with the money that would otherwise have gone on presents for her parents. As lamentable as her behaviour is, they are the real culprits.

Hmmm - you may be onto something there.. big multi-pack of sharpies and a ream of paper for Christmas (as long as Christmas is at their house!)

What have you bought your sister for Christmas? Return it. Buy a replacement case. Wrap the box up as her present if you're feeling especially petty.

there are so many comments already - but you really shouldn't feel the need to justify it. as a parent of a nearly 5 year old I would be beyond mortified if this happened and my child did this to someone else's property. she's absolutely old enough to know this isn't acceptable so it doesn't matter where you left it, at that age it should have been safe anywhere. The fact she likes it makes it worse - does she regularly deface things she likes? Sorry, but her parents sound awful and are raising a terribly behaved child. it's nice that you are thinking about your longer term relationship with your niece, but sadly the way she is being parented you may find that it's not a relationship that brings you anything but stress so maybe re-evaluate your expectations so you don't end up being a doormat to her in the future. at risk of rewarding bad behaviour, can you give her the case for christmas, seeing as she has now runined it? you can buy yourself a new one, and if the case is above the value you would have spent on her then double it up and say it's for xmas and birthday combined - because it is such a special gift. maybe add some "gems" as my son calls them - those gem sticker things, so it doesn't look like you are petty - personalise it a bit more for her with girlie stickers. but don't give her anything else. i thought it was going to have cost £200 or so, don't beat yourself up for buying yourself a modest treat which costs less than a massage and is basically the cost of a meal out. i hope you are able to afford another one. you sound so considerate and kind - don't let your family bully you and make you feel lesser. being settled etc etc at 25 is not someting to be proud of. i'm not knocking it or saying it's something to be ashamed of either, but it really isn't an achievement - it's a lifestyle choice and one that most people aren't interested in these days. when your sister has won a nobel peace prize, become prime minister or developed a cure for cancer, maybe then she can feel a bit smug, but she gets no points for having a house and a child in her mid 20s.

So they belittle you for not spending money on luxuries they think are worthwhile and also belittle you for spending money on luxuries you think are worthwhile?

This. Absolutely crap parenting. As others have said, they’ve rewarded naughtiness insisted of telling her to apologise and explaining you don’t write on other people’s stuff.
And being so pleased that she’s a girlie girl? Yuck.
🤢🤮

This child destroyed your property and that is the fault of her parents, so they're liable. They are not absolved of parental responsibilities when they are in somebody else's house and it's 100% their fault so they should pay for the damage!

That's what you call lazy shit bag parenting.
Your niece is old enough to know better as are her parents.

I completely missed that this happened in your home.

Don't invite them over again until they learn to respect your property.

Do not play into this madness. Children do not need to be taught that by damaging someone else’s belongings, they get rewarded with a gift.

They absolutely need to pay to replace it. I would be so embarrassed if my child did this. It’s a mistake and a 5 year old is still learning about these things, but a very good teachable moment about consequences for her. They aren’t 5 though, so need to step in and parent.

I bet dad would suddenly realise his reasoning wasn’t so great after all!

I echo most pp. But I also wouldn't stand for the comments about my holidays or clothes.
I'd be asking my ds "when did my life become your business? Nose out madam".

Yes, you certainly should be able to do that. Mine would have been in huge trouble for doing that at 5 and I would have ordered you a new one immediately.

Your sister has no respect for anyone else’s property and she’s bringing her child up the same way. If she damages something of your mum’s what will your parents say?

I'd give Dsis the phone case for christmas if she thinks it's so cute. And ask for a decent present first!

It’s none of their (or any one else’s) business what you spend YOUR money on. Perhaps next time they comment, you should reply with, “I spend MY hard earned money on what I choose, perhaps you should pay more attention to parenting your child properly rather than being so obsessed with what I’m doing - it’s weird and unhealthy”.

As for Christmas, give your niece a set of different coloured Sharpies (the metallic ones are great too) and with any luck she’ll take them home and decorate her parents’ house and belongings in that cute way that they love.