Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

It would be a very bad lesson for her if she was given it. I’d be more angry at the parents as they obviously enable bad behaviour and are not teaching her important life lessons for the future.

Keep the case and see if you can google ways to remove the scribble.

I don't get how you were supposed to have looked after it better. Leaving your phone on charge in your own house is a perfectly normal thing to do. Are they seriously saying you have to hide away everything in your house that she might like when they came round, just in case she decides to vandalise it? Might it not have been a good idea for them to look after their child better?

I would have put the phone case in the bin in front of the 5 year old and told them all to piss off for being so disrespectful of someone else's belongings. No way would she get that phone case.

Does she even need a phone case at 5?!

I imagine that your sister was probably pissed off when you lost all the weight. She had you in a little box as her overweight sister who was no competition. That's why she is commenting on your new outfits, to try and make you feel uncomfortable. She is a dick.

Being 25 in a rented flat with no children is absolutely the norm these days. Even though you say that she has a good career, she seems to think that her defining achievement is marriage and motherhood. Also, the fact that she and her husband love the fact that your niece is a 'girly girl' is a bit icky, particularly as that is their excuse for her bad behaviour.

As a child we were taught not to touch things in hones we visited, my oarents had a lot of glass. So I would give her that as a present. My sister was about 5 when we were given a pair of matching Triang desks and my sister scribbled all over hers. Poor mum had to keep an eye on mine and make sure she didn't sit at it when I was at school as I would have got very annoyed if it had been written on. As an adult my sister is fussy over her belongings. I would gift the little girl the case as well as another smaller gift.

I'd send it back and give her nothing. Tell them you couldn't afford presents for them after replacing the phone case.

I constantly find that I have to justify any expenditure to them because they don't agree with what I'm spending, if I turn up to a family thing with a new item of clothing etc., they comment on it.

The dynamic with your sister is off. You're the scapegoat. The dynamic with her own daughter is also problematic, they are keeping her small too by labelling her a girlie girl, and not helping her own her actions.

From here on in, you don't justify anything to either of them. Or explain any decision you make to them. She's your sister, not your manager. I'd replace the case with a new one as a Christmas gift to yourself, and resolve to do a shitload of work around your boundaries with her in 2025.

Have you bought gifts for sister and family? Take sister/BIL present back, buy yourself a new case, wrap it up and give it to yourself from them for Christmas

tell sister that you’ve done this as you’re not throwing away your money for people without any respect for you or your money.

Keep it and use it whenever you meet with DSis. Buy yourself another one (or better still get them to buy one for you) and only use it when DN is not around.

A 5 year old most definitely should know not to deface things, especially other people's property. It sounds like her parents think it's cute.

OP, I don't think she should be given the case as a reward for her behaviour, but it doesn't sound like the parents will pay to replace it.

It doesn't matter that it was expensive or frivolous or whatever, you don't need to justify the expense. It was important to you and your property. If that was my child I would be really embarrassed.

That’s so weird in this day and age. No one expects a twenty five year old to have all that nowadays. In the 1950s yes, 2024 no.

You have every right to spend your money as you wish. I would have known at five not to touch anything that didn’t belong to me. To actually deface someone else belongings would simply never have happened. Sounds like your sister and bil are bringing up a potentially entitled and spoilt child.

Absolutely do not give it to her even instead of buying her a Christmas present!

is she quite spoilt?

sounds like she’s done it purposely in hopes of being given it anyway.. do not reward her bad behaviour.

YANBU - they should replace it/pay for it.

Your DSis owes you for a new case.
She is responsible for the actions of her child and her child doesn't get to destroy other people's property in total impunity. Even if she was young enough not to know that she was dong something wrong, it would still be her responsibility.
You left your phone on charge, it's not like you handed the phone to the child.
The fact that the case is expensive, that your sister thinks it frivolous is a moot point. We all spend our cash on different things. I wouldn't buy what my sister buys or her what I would but we don't judge each other on it, everyone had different tastes, hobbies and priorities. It is none of her business what you spend your money on.

God they sound insufferable and their child is being raised to be just as thoughtless and selfish as them. A five year old absolutely should be expected to respect other people's property.

Poor kid, she's at a disadvantage in life with parents like that. Can't imagine she'll get many invites to friends houses etc if that's the way she's taught to behave.

They've come to your house and told you that you should look after your things better?! I'm sorry but that's madness. They should be teaching their DD that she should have respect for other people's homes and things. Absolutely they should replace the case.

They need to replace it.

if my DC broke anything belonging to anyone else I believe it’s common courtesy to offer to replace surely?

I wouldn't have this child in my house again. They should replace it.

Giving the case as a Christmas present is different to just passing it over at the time.

I suspect that it won't be nearly so scintillating to be given something that she already damaged as her actual present rather than just coveting it. It's less wasteful than binning it, and continuing to use it in a damaged state will irritate you for ever more. Given that your sister (and BiL) CBA to parent their child, it's the best chance to teach the child that damaging things is not such a great idea.

Your sister is an arsehole. She's not parenting her child to be a respectful (age appropriate) member of society. She has no right to constantly criticise your choices and life.
She probably is the type to be peeved about your achievements and see them as a threat to status.

It's a shame she values shallow concepts like luxury and girly over respect.

I'd be tempted to wait till Christmas day, then write with some kind of indelible marker on the bonnet of your sister's car, "It's not so funny when it's your things people write on, is it?"

I would return all three of their gifts for a refund to replace phone case. If they ask why, tell them you needed the funds one way or another to replace it since they wouldnt. Draw a hard line here, the fuckers

Well that's a ridiculous view. I was married and had a house at 25, didn't make me more of a grown up then my friends. Now 40 and divorced with 3 kids, it really doesn't mean anything. She's not taking life and her responsibilities seriously here, she should be paying for a replacement and making sure her DD understands that it's not ok to draw on people's things. At 5 unless there's SN involved she really should know better. At whatever age your Dsis is now she should definitely know better.

They are raising a brat and will regret it when the chickens come home to roost.
Your sister does not sound nice either, commenting on your purchases and life style. Of course you are deserving of treats and your money is yours to spend on exactly what you want. They sound very dramatic so I would slowly create some distance between you and them. Just don’t tell them as much about your life,holidays etc and if they do comment, say that you don’t appreciate the comments.

I think this is an excellent idea!

At 5 years old your DN is definitely old enough to know not to draw and write her name on other people's possessions or to touch your phone without permission. I doubt her parents would think it so cute if she did similar to one of their phones. They should definitely replace it and also try to understand why it was such a significant purchase for you. Otherwise, take £40 off what you would have spent on their family for Christmas.
Congratulations on achieving your weight loss. Maybe remind your sister that you are an adult and she is rude to keep commenting on your spending choices.

I agree with this. She comments on your clothes and looks down on your holiday. She sounds unpleasant and a bully.