Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Why on earth would you need to comment on the phone case? Who cares what you think of it?

@TheWonderhorse wow. I would take the hit too, cos I love my Dniblings, but I would honestly be so so surprised if they did something like this at 5 and my siblings and their partners wouldn't react this way in a million years. She didn't leave it around her niece, she left it in the same house, not on top of a big pile of markers! Her stuff shouldn't have to be "attended." The kid is not two.

They're absolutely in the wrong and should have sent you the money to replace it immediately. Don't invite them over again

Show your sister this thread. She needs to educate herself and her offspring.

Ok they are rubbish parents and they know you are right and they feel bad as they’ve lost the high ground they’ve perched on.

time to redraw a few boundaries OP. If they criticise or judge you, act like the adult you are and don’t react. Treat your niece like the spoilt child she is and keep stuff out of her way and you’ll be doing her a favour if you don’t go along with her behaviour and give her the case etc

You don’t have to justify it. Say you buy what want with your own money, just as they do. You’re enjoying being young.

It’s not kind or mature to comment on other people’s choices without being asked for your opinion.

Of course you’re not going to give it to her - that simply rewards bad behaviour.

All she learns from that is that if she defaces something she gets it.

Don't keep trying the impossible.
Wrap it up, give it to niece. Give the present you were going to give her to charity (she won't know)
Ensure her parents compensate you. They need to learn that their daughter's behaviour is not cute, and that actions have consequences at all stages of life.

And congratulations on your weight loss!
Your sister sounds a bit out of touch tbh - obviously there's no right/wrong way to go about it but she must be a bit oblivious if she thinks most 25 year olds are married and owning a house in 2024!

You're hardly behind in life, if you're renting your own place and working a job sufficient enough to spend £38 on a phone case you're probably doing better than most 25 year olds!

Not that you should have to, but tell them you’ve got into buying on Vinted. That’s what I do! I like nice things and enjoy shopping for them, but for the Judgey Von Holier Than Thou’s out there, I say omg yes I’ve been on Vinted, isn’t it fabulous.

The problem is the parents here wow. I can’t believe their reaction was to ‘just give it to her’.
do not give her this phone case, ruined or not just because she wrote her name on it doesn’t mean it is hers. It tell the parents they are the problem and if they can’t be respectful of property then visits will be at their house from now on.

This!

No but she has a track record which OP is aware of. I'm not saying she should have to, but given the history of the child, her interest in the phone case and her parents thinking her behaviour funny, it would have been wise to keep an eye on it.

Same reason we lock our cars, when we shouldn't have to do that either.

I can see why it's annoying but she is a child and doesn't have a clue. As a parent, I would offer to replace but as an owner of the case, I wouldn't expect it.
This- and 5 year olds do silly things, yes there should consequences but I don’t think her doing this necessarily means she’s spoilt or a nightmare! Saying that they should be apologising not saying you should give it to her.

I’d highly recommend a make your own lip balm set. It’s sticky , sparkly, glittery and oh so girly. You can buy a replacement case for £11 on eBay if it helps.

I would withhold my sisters Christmas gift as payment. Or DN present if you really want to make a point

Depends on how one defines luxury.
An all inclusive, especially in the middle east, is tacky, lazy and pointless.
Luxury can be camping, a cheap hotel, an airbnb if you are happy and doing what you want rather than what you think other people expect you to.

OP you need to stop justifying your spending to them, you’re 25 and you’re not their child. Not that it would matter if you were.

Every time they make a comment tell them to mind their own business and that you’re not discussing your finances with them and how rude they are. Ignore any other comments they’re literally bullying you. Ignore, rinse and repeat until they learn. As others have said massively reduce any contact. By letting them question you you’re giving into their control and you’re enabling them. I’d tell them to fuck off in the strongest possible terms and make it clear to them that their opinions mean nothing to you. Only then will they stop.

If I found out my child was being bullied by my older child no matter the age I’d be absolutely furious. I’m assuming your parents have allowed your sister to nit-pick at you constantly throughout your life and try to control you. My sister did the same to me growing up, now I only see her once a year if that and it’s invigorating. She won’t ever criticise anything about my life because she knows I won’t stand for it. Bullies only bully because they’re deeply insecure about their own lives and only do so if you allow them to.

Rubbish! It’s the parents job to parent,

Yes, but they obviously don't.

The child was "off colouring somewhere"!!!

Sounds as if something was bound to get coloured on.

Absolutely not true. At 5 she would've known what she was doing and needs to be taught boundaries.

Frame it and give it to your sister as a Christmas gift 🎁 it’s a delightful piece of personalised artwork for her to treasure.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence
none of their business what you buy yourself or anyone else, or the type or price of holiday you have. Who says such put downs
to people? Sister sounds jealous. Nice that you love niece but that doesn’t involve tolerating her bad behaviour. She sounds like she was attention seeking when she did it. Your sister needs to replace it and NOT give her child the ruined one. Kids can be girly without being destructive - she’s 5 not 2. Would school let her do that? No way. This is not on you at all.

Of course they should replace it.

Give the phone case to your sister for Christmas. After all, it's now oh so cute and girly. Her sparkling wee cherub produced that.

Spend sister money on new phone case or whatever the hell you like.

My daughter is into girly things, she's 3 and knows not to colour on things that aren't paper. They've clearly allowed bad behaviour.
If this was me I would be mortified, firmly tell my daughter that it was not nice and to apologise, promptly replace with a bunch of flowers too.