Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

I would give the ruined case to your DN for Xmas, but NOTHING else, and give nothing to your sister and BIL. If questioned, tell them you are saving up for a new phone case, a house deposit and a luxury holiday, having taken all their criticism on board.

100% agree with this. Hold your head high @losingweightandgainingconfidence . You have self respect and you’re clearly kind and self-reflecting.

Anyone whose judgement and behaviour makes other people feel like shit has a problem. But it’s their problem, not yours.

5 year olds absolutely do have a clue! I would be insisting they replace it.

Your sister sounds pretty horrible to you. I'd ignore her little digs and spend as little time as possible with her.

stick With the recorder - just as annoying and no excuses to get rid of it due to space, neighbours etc 🤣 also perhaps a parenting book for DSIS and BIL? If they get to judge your holidays, you (and most of Mumsnet) definitely get to judge their parenting.

Your sister is a monumental bitch. She’s deliberately vile towards you and an ineffective parent too because allowing her child to ruin other people’s things and laugh about it is just plain nasty.

I’m also struggling to understand how being married at 25 is some sort of achievement to be proud of? 🤔 Any fool can hook up with a bloke and wear a white frock. 🤣🤣

Don’t give your sister and BIL any Christmas presents this year and tell them you’re having to use that money replace the damaged phone case yourself.

You're also going to have to learn to be more assertive when your sister starts trying to put you down. Practice a few phrases in a mirror before you see her again but don’t ignore her jibes. She needs to learn that you’ve changed and value yourself properly now.

DS would be in trouble for this, a toddler might not understand the impact of drawing on something which is why you wouldn't let them have access to pens, at 5 she is well aware that drawing is for paper/easels etc not other items.
I would have been mortified and should've replaced it and DS would've either contributed from his piggy bank or lost something for a period of time as a consequence. He would also be giving a heartfelt apology.
Do you buy presents for your sister? If so return them and use the money to replace your phone case. FWIW I don't even think that's a huge amount of money for a phone case, a little bit on the spendy end but nothing terrible, regardless it's your choice how you spend your money! Can you key their car because you think they paid too much for it? I doubt it would go down well.

I would honestly be fucking fuming

Im sure you can get it off, ive had to clean sharpie off things before. But the parenting sounds crap.

Sorry, didn't see that - but at 5 school should begin to have an impact.

Though why schools are now expected to civilise children is beyond me. As you imply, it's the parents' job.

Wasn't expecting to be on your side when I clicked but 5 is definitely old enough to know you don't write your name on other people's things. Sure you don't come down hard on a 5 year old but your Dsis and BIL honestly sound like shit parents, I'd have been falling over myself apologising.

It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

It's not a waste of money if you like it but this is a weird sentence, well done for working I guess? Most 25 year olds do? Is Dsis a SAHM and this is some kind of obtuse dig?

I wouldn't accept money for a replacement if it was me, I wouldn't want their money, but I wouldn't forget about this.

Id be returning all three of their Christmas presents and telling them how you’ve had to in order to replace what their child has done to your property.

Interesting mindset they have that they look down on you for being “immature” yet they’re bringing up a spoilt child and rewarding destructive behaviour. Not giving your child any boundaries is not only a blatant lack of common sense or maturity but also just lazy and inadequate parenting. I’d say to them at least if you do decide to have children you’ll bother to parent them properly so they won’t be a nuisance to everyone else in society which their child will be if they refuse to address this sort of behaviour. She’s a child not a fashion accessory. Absolute barefaced cheek of them!

Try putting some hand sanitizer on it and leaving it on there for a minute or so and seeing if you can gently wipe it off with a non scratch pad.

Genius idea 💡

I could cry for you. I know how it feels to have lost weight, that sense of achievement, knowing you've done yourself the biggest future favour ever is the best feeling so I totally understand why you felt the need to treat yourself and why you are feeling so upset that the gift to yourself has been ruined, by what sounds like a spoilt little girl. At 5 years old, she knows better.

Your sister's response just smacks of disrespect. You've lost weight; is she likely jealous of this? Have you always been seen as 'less' than her? You could be straying out of 'your lane' now and could potentially be seen as 'better' than her so she has to slap you down anyway possible. Of course you should be able to charge your phone anywhere you please in your own home!! Visitors, no matter how close in the family, should not be allowed to wander off unsupervised into other rooms in your home! That's so rude.

I would throw away the case, reduce your spends on what you buy your sister/brother-in-law/niece and say 'sorry, I've had to replace my phone case so I have less to spend on xmas gifts this year'.

And make sure you DO replace the gift you made to yourself; you so deserve it.

People are bloody weird when people lose weight - almost as though they have been socially promoted in some way - it’s fucked up.

@losingweightandgainingconfidence I didn’t meet my DH until I was not far off 31. As the mum of a teen and a tween, I thoroughly approve of your choices. I loved being a single young woman going on holiday etc. The only fly in the ointment was worrying that Mr Right would never come along. Trust that you will settle down when the time is right and don’t let your sister make you feel like shit. Perhaps deep down she wishes she was able to make some of the choices you make.

Point out to her how mixed her messages are - that you could have bought several hundred phone cases with the luxury holiday she felt you should have gone on. Do not let her criticise your actions - you do not have to watch your every possession in your home. If you’d put an expensive filigree glass ornament on a low table I might have thought you could have planned better, but a 5 year old should be given better messages than that.

I would make it very clear that in your sister’s position you would be replacing it and you are disappointed in her. You still hope she does. That little girl is going to be very unhappy when no one invites her on play dates because they don’t want her expressing herself on their leather sofa…

Not a dig, she's got a very good career. But I constantly find that I have to justify any expenditure to them because they don't agree with what I'm spending, if I turn up to a family thing with a new item of clothing etc., they comment on it.

Rubbish! It’s the parents job to parent, especially when they are guests in someone else’s home.

How does it teach the child that her aunt doesn't matter? It teaches the child nothing at all whether the case is replaced or not, she's not the one paying! What matters is that she learns from some consequences of her actions.

But if one of my nieces or nephews damaged anything of mine I would absolutely take the hit. They're my responsibility too, and how they behave in my home is on me as well as their parents. OP knew the child was partial to the case and left it around her unattended which was a mistake.

What I said was the child needs to learn that lesson, and OP has a role to play in that as a family member and role model.

I don't actually think £38 is a lot to spend on a phone case. I currently have a pitaka case on mine which cost £89 I don't justify why I spent that money on it to anyone. I liked it it's my money I'll buy it. Regardless of how much it cost if someone damages it they need to pay to replace it. My cousin was always breaking things when I was a kid I remember my grandad buying us both the same toy and my cousin broke mine. My Aunt & Uncle refused to tell my cousin off or replace it so my grandad stepped in and took both toys off us swapped them round gave my cousin the broken one and me the one that wasn't.

That's so rude of them. They should be embarrassed.

Yanbu in the slightest.
All the naughty defiant kids appear to be out in spades today!

Your sister is a bully.

You bought yourself something nice as a treat that you liked, her daughter wrecks it and she laughs in your face and invalidates your very reasonable feeling of being upset.

That's bullying.

Stand up for yourself now - don't let her invalidate you and your life. She sounds jealous and spiteful.

I would ask again for her to send you the money to replace it. And if she doesn't, take a big step back until she learns to respect you. You don't need to put up with that bullying for the sake of the relationship. Push back.

And in the meantime, step away from her in the new year, find new activities, new people, new pursuits.

I’d send the Barbie back and wrap up the phone case and give it to your niece. Then he’s the money for the Barbie to buy yourself a new phone case

See I think the opposite - absolutely DO give it to her for Christmas but instead of what you'd originally bought her - return that and use the money to buy yourself a new case.

Her parents can't complain because you are literally doing as they asked. You get a new phone case. Win win.

I wouldn't worry about damaging your relationship with your niece. Aged 5 she isn't going to remember what you got her for Christmas! And tbh if her parents carry on spoiling her the way they are, she might turn into an 11/15/21 year old you have no desire in having a close relationship with either. Tbh your sister sounds horrible as well - would you consider reducing contact after Christmas? Or at least not invite them to your house.

Erm....sorry? 5 year olds have no idea what they should and shouldn't be drawing on? Of course they do! That's why they're given paper and when drawing happens on the wall or table or somewhere it shouldn't, it's reinforced that you draw on paper anyway.

Regardless - yes your sister should replace it. I get that they might not want to this close to Christmas but tough luck, if their kid should've been supervised then that's on them.