Niece ruined my phone case, DSis and BIL refusing to replace it

[losingweightandgainingconfidence]

This is possibly the pettiest thing to ever be posted on here but I need to know if I'm going insane.

I (F25) purchased myself a Rhode phone case - it's a phone case that holds your lip balm in the back of it. Absolutely a frivolous and silly purchase, but I'd had my eye on one for ages and wanted one. They're expensive, but I got it as a treat to myself for losing weight. (I've lost a large amount of weight this year and wanted to treat myself)

My niece (5) has been obsessed won't this phone case. She's into all things makeup and girlie, and loves it. over the weekend my DSis, BIL and DN came over for lunch. I'm sat in the lounge chatting to them all, and my niece is off colouring somewhere. I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge. She walks in grinning from ear to ear, holding my phone.

She's written her name all over the case, she's drawn smiley faces and the like. It won't come off, I've tried soaking it and everything.

My DSis immediately blamed me, because I "know how much she likes it" and my BIL said I may as well give it to her now as she's made it her own. I've said that if that's the case, I expect a replacement. It's not cheap and while yes it may have been seen as a waste of money, I work and I bought myself a treat.

I'm beyond angry, because it's my personal properly. AIBU to expect them to replace it?

Yes, contacting the company may be a good idea.

It’s not their problem, of course. But some companies offer goodwill discounts on replacement items. Even if you get a £5 discount, it’ll help.

Write off the ruined case (no pun intended) do not give to DN though.
Give DN a set of thick felt pens and a colouring book for Christmas ( if you've already bought her something else save that for a future bday or Christmas)
Do the same with your sister and BIL (adjust the value/cost of their gifts to account for the £38)
That will make you feel better when spending time together over Christmas.
Also, definitely throw in a recorder or toy trumpet for DN. Or a tambourine if they aren't girly enough. Ffs.

'I've obviously left my phone on the side somewhere, probably on charge.'

Your responsibility for a valuable or sentimental item is to ensure there is NO likelihood of it being touched by hands that shouldn't be touching it!

Saying that though, the child is old enough to know not to draw on random one ya so the parents should be mortified and offer half the price of a new one and make sure their child is told that what they did is unacceptable and wrong.

I think we all know what your niece will be getting from you for Christmas!

I’m afraid the only answer is to buy annoying Christmas presents that she will love and her parents will hate.

Make sure there is a swannee whistle in her stocking. Or a vuvuzela. And some nice loud electronic toys; I particularly hated the piercing nasal twang of Dora the Explorer.

Might as well sign the house over to her when she scribbles on the walls

This is appalling actually, the child isn't going to know any better if they're not being told any better. The parents saying it's your fault for leaving your phone out, in your house as well, are insane. I would be mortified if my kids damaged something of someone else's and I would replace it no questions asked. It doesn't matter if it was £5 or £45, it's their responsibility.

Hairspray will lift biro and some other pen inks. Worth a try.

Slime. Get her slime.

In fact, we had a kit with slime and Orbeez recently. Get her that.

I understand that, but I should also be able to leave my phone on charge in my own home without it being destroyed

Fucking whaaat? Do not give it to her for Christmas. Do not. It teaches her that she can get what she wants by simply scribbling her name - read vandalising - on any shite she wants. She sounds like a spoiled little madam, and that's on her parents.
They sound insufferable, by the way. They like the fact she's a 'girly girl'? Fuck off.

Firstly, well done on your weight-loss! And why shouldn't you treat yourself to something special as a reward.

Unfortunately drawing on every surface imaginable is something that kids start to do as soon as they can hold a crayon but at 5 years old her parents have had plenty of time to set boundaries as to when she can colour-in and what she can do it on. The clearly see this child as their little princess who can do no wrong and blame you for wanting and having nice things that she claims as her own.

Do NOT let her have the damaged phone case - chuck the wretched thing away. Go to Christmas Day event at your mums and if her parents don't challenge the child for touching stuff she shouldn't then you and Mum should be saying something.

The child will never learn unless she is set examples and kindly told right from wrong - she clearly has no concept of this nor does she have respect for other peoples property.

That’s not stupid at all.

You absolutely deserve to be treated with respect, and kindness, and to take care of yourself and have nice things.

It’s very painful to face up to the reality of family dynamics, and it’s often easier to shrink into ourselves and feel, as you say, like shit.

But there is a difference between being treated like shit, and being shit. You’re not shit, so don’t accept that feeling - try anger on for size instead.

You sound like a lovely person op - especially your kindness towards your niece, and your desire not to be the kind of aunt you had.

But people don’t really see each other - we project ourselves on others. Your sister may not be able to see your loveliness because of who she is, not because of who you are.

Don’t let her define you. You absolutely deserve better than this. But we have to look within for our self worth, and you started doing this. The bag was a symbol of that.

But it’s only a thing and it’s replaceable - buy more lovely things. Don’t let this setback stop you. And find some lovely people like yourself to spend time with too.

I think you have to rise above it.
I agree with the drum set and might add a toy with lots and lots of loose glitter.

I also think you need to get your head out of it's mindset that a £38 phone case is a v v special treat to yourself. You are worth it irrespective and probably worth far more. Fuck the phone case, treat yourself to something nicer.

Seriously do this and give her the phone case. Use the money it buy a new one. I’m not joking.

Yes, you should. So I'd not have them in your home until your sister understands that she needs to actually parent her child.

It doesn't matter if it's £38 or 38p. The childs parents are teaching her bad behaviour gets rewarded.

This is no way your fault at all. Five is definitely old enough to know not to touch other people’s things liked this.

Of course you should. You shouldn’t have to hide things from a 5 year old in case she wrecks them. Her parents are responsible for her behaviour. What if she drew all over your furniture or furnishings?

5 year olds are at school, where they’re expected not to draw wherever they like and are taught to respect other people.

Agree asking the company is a good idea. They might have advice for cleaning it, offer you a discount or even a replacement. I once contacted a sunglasses company as mine were accidentally broken and I couldn’t find a replacement as they were sold out of the style. They were lovely and sent me some for free.

Return any gift for the child and use that money for a replacement.
See a lot less of your sister.
Well done on your fantastic weight loss.
Tell your sister nothing, she is not on your sister.
Relationships at any cost are not a good idea.
The price invariably becomes too high.

You don't need to feel guilty or apologise for having treated yourself to something nice you wanted. There's absolutely nothing wrong with buying yourself a nice phone case.

Your sister and BIL have a very irresponsible attitude. They should supervise their DD better and take responsibility for the damage she did.

Unfortunately I don't think they will. What were you getting them and your DN for Christmas? I'd return their gifts and buy yourself another phone case. Don't give your DN the old case. She will think what she did was OK.

Also five years is long enough for your Dsis and BIL to learn that if you take your child to someone else’s house you watch them carefully, especially if it’s not set up to be childproofed. It’s not your fault you left it charging.

If you haven't bought them anything yet, reduce your spending on their presents by £38 so you can afford to buy yourself another case.