Was I unreasonable to let my friend walk to the train station alone on a night out?

[Anonymous2003]

I'm aware that the title sounds very bad and I'm thinking I may get a lot of angry comments. Last month, my friends and I went out for drinks in the city centre for my birthday. None of us bar one live in the city, and public transport is not great here with trains being few and far between. Since we went out around 4pm, I wasn't planning on us staying out too late but we didn't make any 'set in stone' plans on what time to go home.
3 of us (myself, Friend 1 and Friend 2) live in the same general direction, with the last 2 trains going home in that direction being at 9pm and then 10.50pm.
After we had our meal we went to a bar round 7.30pm and it didn't feel like we were there very long before Friend A said she should be going soon to get the 9pm train as she didn't want her mum to pick her up from the train station late at night.
The atmosphere was only starting to be good and neither me nor the others wanted to leave so early. Friend 1 hadn't had many drinks and was nowhere near drunk. Friend 2 offered to get the train home with her at 9, Friend 1 declined. We offered to walk her to the station (20 minute walk each way for us which is quite lengthy) and she declined. Friend 1 said she would walk to the station alone while talking on the phone to a relative to feel safe.
We said goodbye and texted her soon after to make sure she got on the train okay, she told us she did but had gotten lost on the way there.
We are going out again this week and she said she will try to get a lift home to save her walking alone.
Were we bad friends to not go with her? It's not like we didn't offer but I still feel a tad guilty despite it being relatively early in the evening. I don't plan on doing this again.

But why? Unless you live in the Bronx I'm not sure why a 30yo couldn't be trusted to walk through a city centre after work?

Is your dm anxious in other ways?

I have 4 dc - two at Uni in big cities and one who's left home and works/lives in the city. If I offered myself as a taxi service every time they had to "walk through town" I'd never be out of the car. Weird that you'd consider not being an on-call taxi service as abandoning your children!! Don't be ridiculous.

I’d actually much rather talk at 9pm through a well-lit town than get a taxi on my own. However, a lot depends on the town and where it is and the route to the station though as some are situated in much safer locations than others.

I’ve often got a train back later than 9 alone to a fairly isolated station. I generally feel much happier in a busy city centre where there are people around.

Half past eight in NI (which has much lower crime levels than most of the UK)? Absolutely fine.

And all those people saying they wouldn't walk alone after dark wouldn't last a week up here - it's dark now, and most people haven't even left work yet.

A grown woman walking through a city centre at 9pm to catch a train is not being abandoned.

It’s normal life for lots of people.

How strange. Have you never lived in a different place from your mum? What did you do then?

I wouldn't have offered either way. It's a city centre, lots of people are around unless the station is on a particularly dodgy street. If my friends insisted on leaving their night to walk me to the station I'd be really annoyed to be honest.

I legitimately wouldn't bat an eyelid at this. Whenever me and my friends go into our city centre we all live in different places, so one goes to the train station, the other goes to the bus station, another goes to find a taxi, another goes to where they can get picked up by a partner...all completely different directions. It would be completely impossible for none of us to walk alone. And then when I get off the bus I walk home again alone, usually a lot later than 9pm as well.

Given the train left at 9pm she was actually walking there at, what, 8:30-850ish? In most cities the shops don't even close until 8pm, particularly this time of year! By the time they've finished cleaning and locking up, all the staff, will be going home at that time every day. I used to walk home from my uni job aged 18 at that sort of time without even considering any other options. It sounds like you were in a busy area, with restaurants etc., hardly down a creepy alley. If anything, she was probably at 'more' risk (but still completely manageable) on the train where it's harder to escape if you're in the carriage with some creep, than just walking down a busy street at 8:45pm.

As you say, different if she was drunk but in the circumstances you describe, no I wouldn't even think of offering to walk a friend/expect them to walk me.

@buffyajp I didn’t mean to be patronising, insulting or infantilising, as you wrote. I was just giving my opinion.

It’s a context and experience specific question and many women will have a different answer. Plenty of us used to be just like you, until an assault changed our outlook. Even then, my approach and feelings vary. I try to walk alone in the dark as much as possible. I used to do Reclaim the Night. But I was thinking of certain cities, heading to particular train stations, with hazards eg high rate of mobile phone theft from people holding them in their hands while they walk along, and especially that the post is about a young 22 year old with less street experience who has had a few drinks. So as I said, I gave a personal answer.

I should have been clear - there is no right or wrong in this case.

A lot of people don’t finish work until 9pm!!

If it was 3am you would have been a bit unreasonable. 9pm - pfffft no worries.

MN has the attitude a lot of the time that once they turn 18 you just stop parenting and leave them to go their own way with no offers of help allowed

you offered - it was before 9pm if she was catching the train at 9 - not 3am

It was 1am
Normally I finish at 10/11pm and walk and wait without issue
But the extra lateness was her concern. She's not overly anxious. Much less so than half the posters here who think 8:30pm is too late to be alone...

She also wasn't "on call". She offered.

No

Lots of people don't leave the area they were born in. Lots of people move to stay within distance of their parents. It's useful for childcare and for caring for their parents when they get older too.

90% of my family live within 10 minutes of each other.

Why would OP need to ensure she got a taxi? The friend is a grown ass woman who could organise her own taxi if she wanted one.

Just to be clear - I, and many colleagues younger than me, walk through town at between 10-11 almost every day. I do not think you did anything wrong.

It wasn't that late at all, she was given the choice, it's fine

I can't believe the amount of people who think they should have essentially forced an adult to take a taxi. Or given up their night early because someone else was going home early.

Where does friend A come into friends 1,2 and you?

Who is Friend A?

I don't know, that's why I asked. You mentioned friend A in your OP...(quote below)

3 of us (myself, Friend 1 and Friend 2) live in the same general direction, with the last 2 trains going home in that direction being at 9pm and then 10.50pm.
After we had our meal we went to a bar round 7.30pm and it didn't feel like we were there very long before Friend A said she should be going soon to get the 9pm train as she didn't want her mum to pick her up from the train station late at night

Oh I'm a twat, i forgot that I had named her Friend 1 🤣

🤣

I've often walked alone in the city centre at night and never felt threatened or been attacked. I think it's easy to get spooked by news reports but it's still relatively rare. Your friend could have got a taxi to the station if she was really worried, you offered to walk with her and she declined so I think that's fine. Obviously if she was staggery drunk, you wouldn't have let her go off by herself!

You can't walk for 20 minutes? When it's not very late?
You might have trouble getting the taxi to accept such a small fare.

A volunteer you don't know. I don't see how that's safer than being alone.

I was thinking this too, about taxis. I'd rather walk.