Was I unreasonable to let my friend walk to the train station alone on a night out?

[Anonymous2003]

I'm aware that the title sounds very bad and I'm thinking I may get a lot of angry comments. Last month, my friends and I went out for drinks in the city centre for my birthday. None of us bar one live in the city, and public transport is not great here with trains being few and far between. Since we went out around 4pm, I wasn't planning on us staying out too late but we didn't make any 'set in stone' plans on what time to go home.
3 of us (myself, Friend 1 and Friend 2) live in the same general direction, with the last 2 trains going home in that direction being at 9pm and then 10.50pm.
After we had our meal we went to a bar round 7.30pm and it didn't feel like we were there very long before Friend A said she should be going soon to get the 9pm train as she didn't want her mum to pick her up from the train station late at night.
The atmosphere was only starting to be good and neither me nor the others wanted to leave so early. Friend 1 hadn't had many drinks and was nowhere near drunk. Friend 2 offered to get the train home with her at 9, Friend 1 declined. We offered to walk her to the station (20 minute walk each way for us which is quite lengthy) and she declined. Friend 1 said she would walk to the station alone while talking on the phone to a relative to feel safe.
We said goodbye and texted her soon after to make sure she got on the train okay, she told us she did but had gotten lost on the way there.
We are going out again this week and she said she will try to get a lift home to save her walking alone.
Were we bad friends to not go with her? It's not like we didn't offer but I still feel a tad guilty despite it being relatively early in the evening. I don't plan on doing this again.

Recent violence?
Male on male violence which usually is.
It's very rare for a man to attack an unknown female.

Yes, it could be a stranger, but the chance is so small that I don't give it any headspace. I could also be knocked down by a bus. I think the amount of fear people have about being attacked by a stranger, massively outweighs the actual risk.

I live in Northern Ireland where 7 women have been killed this year. I suppose it may not sound that extreme compared to other countries but there is a lot of news coverage on it here.

This thread is a bit ridiculous really.

You've told us you did all you could in offering to accompany her, so I don't understand your problem?

Plus as an adult I'm sure she's capable of getting herself a taxi if she wanted one.

I think friend probably felt obliged to say she was ok walking alone because it was your birthday . The reality is she wasn’t . If you can’t all coordinate properly then I suggest you all use uber if you want to leave separately . Probably means one less drink when you are out to pay for it ! When I was 20 I often walked back alone for 20 mins as my friends lived nearer to college than me . I was followed one night . That was 30 years ago and as a mum I would hope my kids would look out for their friends . My DSD who is 23 always uses uber

Very hard to insist someone gets a taxi when she said she was walking, chwnces are she would have said she was fine walking, OP yanbu, she wasn't drunk and it wasn't that late and she got home okay so I'd put it out of your head

I don't know if NI is different but 9pm in a city centre isn't late.

She’s a grown up and can make her own decisions about safety. It’s not your responsibility to keep her safe. She should call a cab for the 20 min walk if worried.

Encourage her 9r any woman to get a cab to the station if alone after dark.
That would also reassure her mother.
When I was young I'd have thought nothing of walking.

I am now much older.
And wiser.

Yes I think the first part of this is true and I guess that's partly why I feel bad... she never said anything but I have a gut instinct she was unhappy about walking alone.

7 women walking home at night?

I've always been an overthinker! :)

Agree.

Far more women die at the hands of their partner but we don't suggest you're a bad friend if you don't chaperone your friends on every date

I once had a colleague force me to let her walk me to the car park at 10pm in a nearby town, when I was leaving a work do earlier than the rest. She kept on and on about how it wasn't remotely safe for me to walk there alone. But of course her escorting me there meant that she then had to walk back to the event alone. She couldn't seem to get the illogicality of it all.

I was in my late 50s at the time and perfectly used to walking alone at night. She was about 30, and probably at more (though still tiny) risk than I was.

She should've got a taxi to the station. There is no way I'd want my dd walking alone at night. I accept that sadly women are attacked anywhere and anytime but you lessen the risk by staying with friends or getting taxis.

Maybe the next night out you all share lifts or agree on leaving times?

Saraclara
You could have driven your colleague back to the venue ?

Friend 2 offered to get the train home with her at 9, Friend 1 declined. We offered to walk her to the station (20 minute walk each way for us which is quite lengthy) and she declined. Friend 1 said she would walk to the station alone while talking on the phone to a relative to feel safe.
We said goodbye and texted her soon after to make sure she got on the train okay

You did WAY more than I would have done. No way would I have offered to leave a cosy, warm place to walk someone a 40 minute round trip to the station.

I would have just told her to text us when she got home and thought no more of it for an hour or so.

The op said there had been a lot of violence recently. Civil war has nothing to do with it

Hahaha well that was my thought process at the time, 40 minutes is a big chunk out of the night when the last train is at 10.50pm, plus we had a nice table in the corner.

OP
I think the fact that your friend told you that she had got lost en route to the station indicates that she was not totally OK.

It may have been subconscious.
She felt conflicted.
She would have appreciated support but didn't feel entitled to it.

It's a bit different when you're out for a night, drink taken and the girl got lost a few times which proves she actually wasn't ok walking alone. She could have ended up anywhere .

Glad you stayed and enjoyed your evening.

A friend gave me some tips 20 years ago for walking alone at night years ago (wear a cap, trainers, jeans etc - basically try to look like a man). Appreciate not always easy if on a night out!

Might also be worth carrying one of those mini bottles of hairspray in case you need to spray in someone's eyes!

No, you're fine imo. I'm pretty risk averse but even I think 9pm in a city is fine. In my city its nearly as busy as day time. Plus you offered and she declined. You are a good friend with nothing to worry about.

Taxis don't always save you. Libby Squire was a 21 yo woman murdered in 2019. Her friends put her in a taxi, which dropped her home but it didn't save Libby.

Does she not have a phone? Google maps is quite an effective /efficient tool... Why should one adult have to ensure another does what they decide not what they themselves have decided? What an odd suggestion..