Ainu to not want to buy step kids Christmas present

[Mamana127]

I have two step daughters one if now 27 and the other one 25 I have known them for 13 years and each Christmas ever since I met them i have bought them presents, nice girly things which they love.
They are now working with really good jobs one earning 150k a year and another 70k. They have been working for over 3 years now. But I have never received even a slicked Carrot from them. They buy their dad presents and nothing for me and my kids. During their birthdays my kids make them crafts and I buy them presents but I’ve never received any for my birthday either or the kids birthday either.
This year while wrapping presents my husband asked me where their presents were? I said I’m not buying them any as they have never got me anything not even a Christmas card. He got really mad and said I’m older I should behave better and two wrongs don’t make a right.
I asked him if he has ever asked them why they don’t buy me anything he said they are old enough to make their minds. Ok and I’m not old enough to make my mind?
when we go on holiday I buy them stuff and they sometimes accept or reject that they don’t like, it I spoke to my MIL about this and she said to me they to stop trying to buy them that they don’t like you.
i have never done anything to these beautiful girls, I met their dad way after he had split frozen their mum and had been in other relationship before me.
I haven’t been trying to buy their love I’ve just been trying to be nice to them. So this year I decided to heed my MIL’s advice, and it blew up into a big argument between me and DH. Mind you DH gets them gifts too so I suggested he writes that it’s from both of us and refused. I’m I right or I’m I being petty.
I mean having to take that decision was hard for my heart but I felt I needed to do it.

The house is in his name with me as a share holder for the part I contributed. But there is a clause that says if he dies before me I can live in the house until I’m ready to sell. I’ve saved up for my kids and my share of the house is down to go to them.

I mean, I guess that's something at least. But why are you not entitled to a share in the rest of it?

You are lucky and blessed enjoy your trip ❤️

Because its his daughters inheritance.

She was a total Angel, loved me so truly, but from what I can see she toiled for her family too without complaining. At the end of the day she just wanted the best for her son. While we were dating I split with him as I couldn’t handle the pressure I was getting from the ex and the girls but she begged me to stay and told me things would change if we move in and they knew we were permanent. It didn’t. Then she was like if you are married they will leave you alone. Well im married now and somewhat they have left me alone, the ex went quiet too. So I just need to find a way of undoing all these habits I created one step at a time.
m the problem has been my DH not standing up for me I recognise that. Well I’m going to stand up for myself even if it means we split.

It's not his daughters' inheritance until he's dead.

It's your home now.

Presumably you are contributing financially to your shared life together, as well as in very obvious non financial ways such as bearing a child for him. You should be entitled to an equal share of the equity that is being built up over time. If you're not, you would have been better off putting your deposit into a buy to let property so that you could build up an asset of your own.

It sounds to me like you might be better off (from a financial perspective) if you divorced him. Because if you get divorced a judge would divide the assets up fairly, whereas if he dies and he hasn't adequately provided for you in his will, or if you die and anything you leave him eventually goes to his children but not yours, there's very little you or your children will be able to do about it.

I think it’s time I get some legal advice. Yes I contribute for everything in the house bills, food holidays etc my daughter I pay half of everything for her. I trusted him and the lawyer when they said that because his share of the house which is the bigger part came from his mum as inheritance he can do whatever he likes with it. He said that he had agreed with his ex that his money would go to their kids if he was ever to remarry but he insisted on adding our daughter and I should be happy with that, which I was. Also as I’m the low earner in our marriage. I really understand why mother in law insisted we married now. Omg 😧

I think it would be reasonable for you each to ringfence your respective deposits, but whatever was left (i.e. the part covered by the mortgage) should be owned by both of you equally.

No. It's your house.

His and yours. Unless you are tenants in common with a very specific percentage allocated to each of you. If you are joint tenants then your share is 50%.

Good Lord, what a pair of yucky girls.

Stop making your kids do anything for them too.

I really like this response. It makes sense to present a united front. I cannot understand why your husband would not include both your names on the gift.

Never mind why have you not bought them anything, why has he not! I match the energy from adults, so I wouldn't buy them anything either!

See a Solcuter asap!

Your hubby should speak to girls and thats the only way. But if he doesn't just buy them something small, box of chockolates.

Do you and your husband get them separate presents normally? If so yes you should stop. They are old enough to reciprocate and should particularly as they can afford it.

Put it on your husband. Make him buy them presents from the two of you.

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. All credit to you for biting your lip for so long and trying to do the right thing. It's seems you have managed this with sensitivity and kindness and rose above it during their childhood/teenage years but they are adults now. This is rude and disrespectful. Also from the MIL comments it seems they are irritated / angry about you doing it and are clearly talking about it within their family and they want you to stop. I agree with others that your husband is at fault here for allowing it to go on for so long. What about the hurt your own children must feel by being ignored by their step sisters. I would definitely not cave in to your DH. He is being just as hateful as his daughters by refusing to not address the gifts from both of you and supporting you by showing a united front. Sending separate gifts has probably exacerbated the situation rather than cut it dead before it became a problem. You are a couple and therefore gifts should be from both of you. I can understand perhaps if he was newly separated or divorced and they were young children but this is just a hurtful way to be treated and has probably made the whole things far worse than it needs to be. It's a bizarre way for him to act and it seems they are taking their father's and grandmas's lead. I hope things can be resolved through communication with him, I wonder if this is the only issue or whether there are other examples of him not taking your feelings into account. I do hope things get sorted.

This is awful. My DSD is on the other side of the world and she gets my DS to get me a bunch of flowers.

If your DH wants them to have presents he can buy them and wrap them.

My children are step children and not earning yet but they still buy their step dad a gift and I would never allow them to behave like this, nor would they want to behave like this.

Bizarre behaviour by your step kids, definitely don’t buy them anything! I buy my mum and my step dad presents when I go abroad. My mum re-married about 5 years after my dad passed. I always ask my mum for suggestions on what to get my step dad as I want him to love his presents. I get joint gifts from them both when they visit me. Can’t imagine why they are so rude to you when it sounds like you have always tried. Maybe they are influenced by their mum?!

WTAF?? They are rude, entitled brats and your DH is a prize A hole for condoning it. I cannot believe they don’t even buy anything for their siblings, poor kids. Stick to your guns, I’d die on this hill!!

Your DH is bu if they were under 18 I'd see his point but they are both grown adults.
He should be in charge of buying gift for his side of the family 'from' both of you anyway so that shouldn't be an issue

Are you not both individuals?

Legal advice needed- Surely your marriage invalidates his previous will? Wouldn't that be a nice little gift for his daughters 😀

You might also get more if you divorced.....worth asking the question of a solicitor