Page 9 | Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

caninechristmasconundrum · 2024-12-15T10:27:43+00:00

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away. Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ??? After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’ DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage) Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

greedyguts18 · 15/12/2024 11:54

YANBU op!! I don’t like dogs and get so fed up of people wanting to bring them to my house !! We even had people asking when they wanted to visit my newborn !

In my view unless you’ve specifically said the dog could come then you absolutely shouldn’t ask or assume.

EmpressOfTheThread · 15/12/2024 11:54

Bloom15 · 15/12/2024 11:50

YANBU

I am so sick of some dog owners. As if the dog will enjoy a family Christmas

This is the problem with many dog owners: anthropomorphism.

rainingsnoring · 15/12/2024 11:54

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:51

SIL is only a 10 min walk from us we suggested can’t the dogs all stay at her house and if they need to pop back/check them / take for a walk etc it won’t be too difficult but MIL (the walking talking rspca advert) has declared ‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’ 🤦

Your MIL is clearly bonkers but what would bother me more is their divide and conquer approach to you and your DH. Good for him for setting them straight. It seems to be the opposite situation on some many threads on here.
Perhaps Christmas for just you, you DH and DC might work better from forwards.

Manara · 15/12/2024 11:55

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:54

This has pissed dh off a lot he says he feels as if they are trying to cause an issue between us almost making him choose. He now wants to draw a line and say it’s cancelled they can make alternative plans rather than trying to work something out eg my suggestion of the dogs staying at SIL home as she’s very nearby

Edited

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I would definitely cancel / rescind the invitation.

Why is it on you and DH to host every year? The biggest house doesn’t need to always host.

Do they help or just sit on their arses?

Tell them they need to take it in turns.

Nolegusta · 15/12/2024 11:56

SharpOpalNewt · 15/12/2024 11:52

I'd be able to leave my dog at home for a few hours (and would bring a doggy bag back for hee) but if people are coming all day or staying I would certainly expect them to be bringing their dogs. I would never put her in kennels, she's a rescue and it would make her horribly sad and anxious.

But as a host I'd have thought about this weeks ago and not ten days from Christmas, and maybe have invited fewer people this time or at least asked how the dogs are with other dogs.

You'd expect to be able to bring your dog? Why?

NoTouch · 15/12/2024 11:56

Our lab always used to go with us to family gatherings, but it was because they were invited and a very placid Labrador that after a play with any other dogs in the house would go off somewhere to sleep and only be seen when time for his dinner/walk! We didn’t have young kids in the family then. I would always assume he wasn’t going unless invited.

I am was at a family meal recently and you could tell the very gentle household dog was not accustomed to or comfortable with the toddlers who were very gentle with him, but just wouldn’t give him peace. I spent most of the night distracting the toddlers or positioning myself between them as they were all too trusting of the dog even when I mentioned he was clearly not comfortable with the constant attention as he kept moving away. Until he reacted/lunged, he never tried to bite and my arm pushing him back was enough as he is a good dog but he made it clear he’d had enough and thankfully that gave the parents the reality check they needed.

I absolutely would not have dogs there, especially if there are hyper kids about. It is the dog owners problem to sort out what they do with the dogs, don’t make it yours just because you are the host.

Mirrorxxx · 15/12/2024 11:56

I wouldn’t leave our dog alone on Christmas Day. But we don’t visit my parents in Christmas Day as they also have 2 dogs and one of them isn’t keen on other dogs. I think if you exclude the dogs you probably find some of them won’t come.

Pickingmyselfup · 15/12/2024 11:57

The OP likely didn't think about somebody else's pets when the invite was given and why would she, they aren't hers. Not every invitation for a human also extends to their pets as well. I don't expect other people to worry about my pets and if I'm invited somewhere I don't assume I can take my pets either. If necessary I sort out arrangements or I just don't go, that's just what happens when you have a pet.

I doubt my mum/MIL would be thrilled if I rocked up at theirs with a cat and 8 rats after she invited me for Christmas. They would have (rightly) assumed I had made arrangements for them to be looked after in their own home.

pestowithwalnuts · 15/12/2024 11:58

Dotto · 15/12/2024 10:43

I would be annoyed these idiots had gone behind your back in an attempt to get your husband to "pull rank".

They would all be uninvited, by the pair of us.

Edited

That's what annoys me too. Trying to override you..twats.
I wouldn't want dogs at my house either. Why do many people think it's ok to take them everywhere ?

Pawparazzi · 15/12/2024 11:59

My dog is an integral part of my family. He is cleaner than most people who walk the streets, and definitely better behaved. If someone were to tell me I couldn't bring my dog to an event, I wouldn't go. Simples.

napody · 15/12/2024 11:59

Them trying to pit your DH against you "you have a say too" would really piss me off. No, it's a veto situation. Plus the dogs may well not get on which would be a nightmare.

godmum56 · 15/12/2024 11:59

ex dog owner here. Mine passed in old age and its not right for me to have more. I think its a part of the "assumption society" assuming that children are welcome everywhere, assuming that bills will be split evenly...... I had dogs that i couldn't leave but that just meant I would decline the invitation. If you don't want dogs in your home, that's your perogative, just say so. My gaff my rules.

FoolishHips · 15/12/2024 11:59

I wouldn't assume I could take my dogs to someone's home but I would have to cut the visit short because I wouldn't leave them at home for more than say three hours. Personally, I'd bring mine and leave them in the car (because they much prefer that to being left at home) and then keep popping out the walk them.

I think I might copy your 'personal preference' phrase. "Sorry I can't meet you for coffee due to personal preference." :)

Allthehorsesintheworld · 15/12/2024 12:00

Theyre being very entitled. Surely it’s the norm to ask can I bring ddog? And 3 dogs together with excited children is probably not going to work.
Stick to your guns OP, good you and DH are on the same page. My dog regularly stays home alone for several hours and he’s managed to survive 11 years so far. He’s wagging his tail in agreement, it’s ok apparently 🐶

EmpressOfTheThread · 15/12/2024 12:00

NoTouch · 15/12/2024 11:56

Our lab always used to go with us to family gatherings, but it was because they were invited and a very placid Labrador that after a play with any other dogs in the house would go off somewhere to sleep and only be seen when time for his dinner/walk! We didn’t have young kids in the family then. I would always assume he wasn’t going unless invited.

I am was at a family meal recently and you could tell the very gentle household dog was not accustomed to or comfortable with the toddlers who were very gentle with him, but just wouldn’t give him peace. I spent most of the night distracting the toddlers or positioning myself between them as they were all too trusting of the dog even when I mentioned he was clearly not comfortable with the constant attention as he kept moving away. Until he reacted/lunged, he never tried to bite and my arm pushing him back was enough as he is a good dog but he made it clear he’d had enough and thankfully that gave the parents the reality check they needed.

I absolutely would not have dogs there, especially if there are hyper kids about. It is the dog owners problem to sort out what they do with the dogs, don’t make it yours just because you are the host.

Why do parents need a reality check? They have toddlers. Any dog should be kept away from babies and toddlers by responsible owners.

godmum56 · 15/12/2024 12:01

NoTouch · 15/12/2024 11:56

Our lab always used to go with us to family gatherings, but it was because they were invited and a very placid Labrador that after a play with any other dogs in the house would go off somewhere to sleep and only be seen when time for his dinner/walk! We didn’t have young kids in the family then. I would always assume he wasn’t going unless invited.

I am was at a family meal recently and you could tell the very gentle household dog was not accustomed to or comfortable with the toddlers who were very gentle with him, but just wouldn’t give him peace. I spent most of the night distracting the toddlers or positioning myself between them as they were all too trusting of the dog even when I mentioned he was clearly not comfortable with the constant attention as he kept moving away. Until he reacted/lunged, he never tried to bite and my arm pushing him back was enough as he is a good dog but he made it clear he’d had enough and thankfully that gave the parents the reality check they needed.

I absolutely would not have dogs there, especially if there are hyper kids about. It is the dog owners problem to sort out what they do with the dogs, don’t make it yours just because you are the host.

This. My dogs were not used to children and I would NEVER have put them in that position. When it goes wrong, its always the dog who pays.

asthecrowdwaschantingmore · 15/12/2024 12:01

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:51

SIL is only a 10 min walk from us we suggested can’t the dogs all stay at her house and if they need to pop back/check them / take for a walk etc it won’t be too difficult but MIL (the walking talking rspca advert) has declared ‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’ 🤦

Then they can do that in their own homes. With their dogs.

FFS

I don't drag my cats everywhere, and they are my fluffy babies, both very much my cats. I make sure they are well looked after in their home when we are away.

Moonlightstars · 15/12/2024 12:01

No. Of course not.
A would however, suggest that you do get some reading comprehension tips.

Cardboardeaux · 15/12/2024 12:03

MyDogTails · 15/12/2024 11:23

Difficult one as normal dog minding options don’t apply at children: dog walkers don’t work, daycare shut etc. Some dogs can be left for 4 hours but rarely at the puppy stage and you need to factor in travel time too.

But they should have asked when invited.

People like this deliberately don't ask when first invited, so that when the questiom of the dog comes up it is then too late for them to organise kennels etc - cue claims that the dog is "part of the faaaaamly" to blackmail the hosts into accepting the dog

Schoolchoicesucks · 15/12/2024 12:03

WaneyEdge · 15/12/2024 11:07

I would always check and ask first, unless it’s my parents as they love my dog and I know I’m ok to bring him with he when I visit. He is never left for more than 3 hours and I hate doing that.

YABVU to assume people would book their dogs in kennels to go to yours for lunch. Don’t even know any that would be available now, unless you booked in the summer very unlikely there’d be anywhere with space. My friend is a dog walker and is working Christmas Day but on much more limited hours than usual and only has limited space. I’d just decline the invite and stay home with my pooch!

The OP is not a dog owner. She doesn't need to assume they would book their dogs into kennels. She assumed that the dog owners who were invited for lunch would make suitable arrangements for their dogs or decline the invitation.

The ball is in their court now - they can come without the dogs or they can stay home with the dogs.

Most non-dog owners wouldn't welcome having 3 dogs in their home while hosting a meal, so don't let them make you feel as though you are being unreasonable or blame your ocd. I reckon most dog owners would also be a bit concerned at adding 3 more dogs to their house in the same situation - sounds like a recipe for chaos.

meercat23 · 15/12/2024 12:05

We have our DD's dog living with us. We are going to her house for Christmas Day. I will be surprised if the dog is not welcome but I will be asking first!

CoIIection · 15/12/2024 12:06

It is not "germ ocd" to not want scavenging butt-sniffing fox-poo-rolling shit-eating mutts in your home. Absolutely stick to your guns here. I would never have dogs in my home. Your inlaws are being horrid to push for it.

mummytrex · 15/12/2024 12:06

Yea there were assumptions on both sides but at the end of the day you're hosting. Your house. Your rules.

I'm guessing they don't do or contribute anything either?

They're cheeky texting your DH to try and strong arm you into having the dogs. It's your bloody house. I'm with your DH. I'd rescind the offer to host and ask whose house you're all going to this year, that way the dogs can be involved too as per mil's wishes and you and DH have the option of going home. Yu also have a bit of a rest!

Nolegusta · 15/12/2024 12:06

Pawparazzi · 15/12/2024 11:59

My dog is an integral part of my family. He is cleaner than most people who walk the streets, and definitely better behaved. If someone were to tell me I couldn't bring my dog to an event, I wouldn't go. Simples.

You're absolutely entitled to make that choice.
No dog is 'cleaner than most people though'.

Mostlyoblivious · 15/12/2024 12:07

I think that their messages asking your husband if it was because of your ‘germ OCD’ is more problematic than their canine co-dependence. They don’t respect you that much do they?