Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

Do not give in to them. You will not enjoy the day and resent them for it, understandably.

It's not the norm but some people think dogs are equal to humans. 'Fur babies' and all that shite.

You are not being unreasonable to not want the dogs to come.
They are not being unreasonable to want to bring the dogs.
My dogs are part of my family so if we as a family are invited somewhere I assume that includes kids and dogs, unless either are specified not.
You should have made your wishes clear from the beginning, they should have checked what the invitation included.
I wouldn't put my dogs into a kennel for any length of time, and don't leave them alone for too long either, so in my case I'd turn down the invitation.

I have had dogs for most of my life. I like (most) dogs. Most of my family and friends have dogs. I live in an area extremely popular with dog owners and tourists/visitors with dogs but I don’t currently have a dog.

There has been an absolutely seismic shift in how dogs are viewed in the last five years. Ten years ago there was maybe one pub in our village which would allow a dog inside and they’d be restricted to a certain area. Now every pub and every cafe allows them in, and there are dog bowls all over the high street, practically every shop allows dogs inside.

For my entire life time of having dogs, if I needed to go into a shop or cafe, the dog would be tied up outside. This doesn’t seem to be done any more.

For my entire lifetime of having dogs, if I had an invitation to go somewhere, they’d be left at home - unless it was an invitation to go on a walk at which point I would ask if the dog could come because having the dog there would massively restrict where we could go and what we could do.

When I had a dog, if I wanted to go out on an all day hike, I’m put the lead on the dog and go and I’ll admit, I assumed that walking and exploring was good for dogs, and they’d enjoy it, and there wasn’t much else to it. Now I regularly meet friends for walks or hikes and have to cut our plans short because their dog can’t walk as far as we wanted to or manage the route we’d planned. I meet dogs that can only manage a mile or two or who can’t do hills or has to be carried.

Despite having dogs for decades I’ve never used a kennels, a dog walker, or a dog groomer.

And yes, I invite people to events and they don’t come because of the dog, or they come along and bring the dogs without asking. One of my friends currently has ten dogs, five adults and five puppies!

I like dogs, I like people, I just think that what we do now isn’t really in the dogs best interests, maybe back in the day it wasn’t ideal either, but I think it’s gone too far the other way. Dogs like hanging out with their people, long sniffy walks in rural places where they can run about, good training and activities to challenge their brains, and snoozing in front of the fire in familiar places. They don’t like being carried about, going in clothes shops, sitting under tables in cafes or encountering lots of strange humans and strange dogs in enclosed loud spaces. It’s a controversial opinion, though!

YANBU and I think it was rude of them to message your husband rather than reply directly to you.

I haven't read the thread, apologies!

In response to pp saying their dog was left at home all day, with a lunchtime visit, exactly.

That's what we do with our dog, though I am home most afternoons. If I'm not the dog is fine.

What this made me think of was that when I was little, in the 1960s, dogs were let out of the house when they wanted and roamed the estate and village.
It was fine, everyone knew them and talked to them, told them to go home.

The trouble occurred when there was a bitch in heat and all the amorous males formed a pack in search of her!

I am by no means asserting that we should return to those days but it really doesn't hurt a dog to occasionally be left in their comfortable and familiar home!!

Totally fair! Dogs going everywhere is bloody ridiculous.

There is a local church I walked past yesterday that has a new sign on the outside reading ‘service dogs only please.’ Absolutely ridiculous that clearly they had enough people bringing dogs in that they needed to do this!!

I'd have them because I love all animals but it's understandable if you don't like them. People cannot assume that they can take their dogs everywhere, they need to ask you first.
My mother would have an actual stroke if I took one if my cats over there 🙄
Your house, your rules.

Of course they are to the people they belong to 🙄

Yep. Trying to undermine me in my own home? Fuck that, them and their dogs. Bunch of rude arseholes.

Your opinion is not controversial at all. Can I just ask what you with your pup when you go on holiday? My mum is too disabled to support now, which is fine, so we are looking at Trusted Housesitters for the very rare occasion we go away.

What a shame. He’s been taking his communion all year at church. And his baptism was lovely. Such a shame to block him from taking part in his religious holiday. Poor pup.

Silly you, of course dogs are practicing Christians 🙄 I’m in agreement, dogs are unhygienic and nothing worse than a beg dog at the table trying to eat everyone’s food and whining for scraps.

I'd be taken back and not being at least asked if dogs could come - but then I was taken back with thread with estate agents a while back allowing dogs into house being shown and number of posters who were outraged they couldn't take their dogs round houses for sale. We will likely have to move again and have cats - so that one stuck with me as never occurred to me I'd have to specify no dogs.

I'd also be pissed off at the attempt to go round you and cause marital problems.

I think you have communicated well now so it's up to them to stay at home or come over. No one is in the wrong for wanting/ not wanting dogs but if you don't want them in your house that's the end of it.

Very very different

As a dog owner I know who loves my dog and where he is welcome but outside of that I wouldn’t assume and would ask. People shouldn’t assume. Not all dogs are crate trained or can be left so it may be that those people can’t come. So be it.

I would only ever assume my dog was invited somewhere if it was a walk. I would absolutely never assume I could take my dog to someone else's house, neither would I want to. She is well-behaved at home (usually 🤣) but different houses will have different temptations.

@trivialMorning Yes I was taken aback about the dogs going to house viewings. My partner is allergic to dogs and would really suffer if a dog had been in our home for a viewing. I think some people have just lost the plot.

My own dog hates other dogs so no dog has ever crossed the threshold of my house since she’s been here. But even if she thought other dogs were the bees knees, there is no way on gods green earth I’d accept three other dogs into the house. Firstly it’s just totally unnecessary; extra work and mess having to watch them all especially if there are young kids around. Secondly the vast majority of dogs have minimal to no training so compared to my own dogs, I always find other dogs unruly due to lack of boundaries.

I always maintain that dogs are child substitutes for many people. And that the vast majority of dog owners are more suited to owning a stuffed dog rather than an actual dog. I’m a life long dog owner but when my current girl snuffs it, I doubt I’ll get another, and that’s purely because of other dog owners. Fur moms have ruined dog ownership for me.

YANBU

I am so sick of some dog owners. As if the dog will enjoy a family Christmas

No chance.
My family know they can't bring dogs. They either leave dog in car and pop out to walk it or they leave it at home.

I have a dog. I would never in my life assume I could bring her to someone else’s house. In fact, I just would never ask to bring her to someone else’s house. She’s a dog, not a child. We have socialised her to be able to stay home unattended for a good bit of the day as needed. If we need to go away overnight, one of us stays with her or we book suitable accommodation to bring her. MIL does bring her dog when she visits and it’s absolute chaos. Barking, screeching, chewing on furniture. I vaguely tolerate it because we have no choice (we wouldn’t see MIL otherwise), but I think it’s incredibly presumptuous of people and no I would not want someone else’s dog in my house on Christmas.

I'd be able to leave my dog at home for a few hours (and would bring a doggy bag back for hee) but if people are coming all day or staying I would certainly expect them to be bringing their dogs. I would never put her in kennels, she's a rescue and it would make her horribly sad and anxious.

But as a host I'd have thought about this weeks ago and not ten days from Christmas, and maybe have invited fewer people this time or at least asked how the dogs are with other dogs.

Group chat message - 'just to clarify, we won't be able to accommodate all the dogs over christmas, so to keep it fair we'd ask that nobody brings their dog along'. You might get some drop outs, which is fair enough, but YANBU.

I like dogs but YADNBU. Definitely.