Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

I would be very angry at that as well. Anyone who told my DH he could overrule what I will and will not have in our house would get a firm response bank. And it works the other way as well.

I think it’s absolutely disgusting that dogs that are not assistance dogs are allowed in shops. The situation is ridiculous

I wouldn't expect it with someone I don't know. And my dog doesn't go everywhere and is ok being left at home. But if someone was invited to mine for most of the day or staying over and I knew they had dogs, I would definitely assume they were bringing their dog! If it was just for a few hours and they are local then perhaps not, but I would check, and how they are with other dogs.

In our family at Christmas since I had DDs PIL and my parents both had puppies and they all grew up together. And now we/SIL has a dog, we've always had dogs as part of the mix at Christmas and I just find it really bizarre that someone's first thought is that the dogs would be in kennels?

And that they are having these conversations only ten days from.Christmas? We take it in turns to host Christmas dinner and would have these sorts of arrangements sorted at least a month ago, probably two.

The dog needs a family Christmas?! FFs - your SIL needs a trip to the GP morelike.

NO! If the OP 'relents' this year then it sets a precedent for the future 'Oh but you didn't mind last year'.

We understand a lot more about dog’s behavioural and emotional needs now - and even 20 years ago this would not have been ‘fine’ for most dog owners. It’s cruel - dogs are lonely at best when left this long. At worst, scared and depressed. And only a very unthinking or unimaginative person could say with your certainty that they were fine when they weren’t there to see for themselves.

Even when you are there to see, many people misinterpret dog signals if they haven’t bothered to find out more about these animals they purport to love so much . You only have to look briefly at Instagram to see how often people read stress signals as pleasure, for eg asserting that a dog is ‘smiling’ when ‘cuddled’ by a child. So many haven’t done even the most basic research into what might be going on for a dog when it licks its lips, or yawns, or licks you - all of which can be signs of stress/conflict/perceived need to appease. When a dog rolls over, he doesn’t necessarily want to have his tummy rubbed - he can be telling you he’s not a threat so you leave him alone.

Dogs have complex needs and behaviours, and many people who very much like to think of themselves as good owners have no real interest in understanding them - dogs are an accessory to their lives, rather than a creature who deserves serious and often time consuming care, thought, and understanding.

Remember OP told everyone that she understands if they feel they can’t attend without their dogs.

They STILL kicked off.

No one is forcing anyone to leave their dogs alone.

But do you assume your dog is invited to everything you are? If you are told the dog isn't invited do you try and persuade the host/contact the joint host to allow your dog? Or do you politely decline the invitation and wish them well?

But would you get pissed off if someone didn't want your dog in their house, and try to insist that your dog must definitely be allowed?

You've still not explained why you'd assume you can bring your dog. You've said why it doesn't bother you having dogs around.

I think it's cheeky to assume the dogs are coming. I've had a few friends bring their dog over by arrangement (summer as we have cats so the dog needs to mainly stay in the garden).

My close friend has a dog and I happily go and walk him if she's invited anywhere the dog can't go with her.

Definitely stand your ground and say no dogs. 3 dogs and kids sounds like a nightmare!

I’d reply to them, “I’ve got undermining cunt OCD. Which is why you are no longer invited.”

I mean, I probably wouldn’t. But what wankers texting him about you. Entitled idiots.

I love my dog, but I’m fully aware that others think she’s an insufferable little prick, and that’s fine, so I’d never try to invite her along to anything.

If you worked with the average 16 year old every day, you wouldn't say that.

No, it doesn't show that at all.
Dog behaviour and human niceness are completely different concepts.

The onus is on YOU to check plans for your dogs, no one else. Remember OP has hosted everyone WITHOUT their dogs in previous years.

Why would the dogs coming or not occur to her? She is used to a dog free home and dog free Christmas!

It's a tricky one. Dogs can't be left all day. Three hours is really the longest any dog should be left, and some can't take that long. They're pack animals and get very stressed.

We have various solutions. One family with a big, bouncy (but lovely and friendly) dog leave him in their vehicle parked on our drive. The dog has his crate in there, he treats the van as a home from home and he gets walked several times so he's quite happy. One family with a young and insecure dog bring her in and she is confined to certain parts of the house only. Another family get their dog into boarding for the two days (hard to do at Christmas).

It's important to remember that dogs are not like cats, and can't just be left. I'm happy to have other people's dogs here, tbh, and let the different families make their own decisions based on their dog's behaviour.

‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’

And this is the problem, too many humanise their dogs, from rubbish like this, to calling themselves "dog parents" and talking about their "fur babies".

Bloody ridiculous.

Silly woman. If that's how she feels, she should host.

If someone were to tell me I couldn't bring my dog to an event, I wouldn't go. Simples.

But OP would be fine with that. She's not posting because people have said they aren't coming and she's furious.

It's perfectly reasonable to just accept that some people don't want dogs in their house and therefore for you to make alternative arrangements.
It's not reasonable to try and insist someone does allow dogs in their house.

Are your dogs hosting everyone for Christmas then?

I love that some posters think the crazy dog owners not coming would be a downside for the OP

I would much much rather they didn't come than have three dogs in my house all day with my young DC. Good riddance to them!

You can choose to not attend if you prefer and spend time with your well behaved, clean dogs rather than your family. Your choice.
What you can't do is try to manipulate the situation, cause problems for the hosting couple, criticise the host and try to force your dogs on people who have politely said no.

@Patienceinshortsupply hahaha I'm lost for words!dog madness!
I guess most humans don't sniff your crotch, have vile breath, stink the house out and piss and shit in your garden . ( not unless they're very pissed of course).

Your house your rules. Also, some dogs can be super annoying. I have a dog, who is lovely and sweet. Most people love it when she comes or asks if she can come. But I respect those that do not want dogs. I only bring if people ask me to or if they have dogs and said it is okay.

YANBU. Especially as it's not just one dog, it's several

But what would really annoy me here, more than the dog issue as such, is the ILs trying to 'divide and rule' between you and your dh, and seeing if they can get him to overrule you.as it's 'his house too'. .

My adult step daughter was invited for Christmas Day, explicitly said no dogs to her, she still accepted the invite.
come Christmas morning she turned up at my door with her husband & dog, sheepish smile on her face, I said I’d open the back gate/door for the dog to go into the garden, lots of pleading eyes from her, I wouldn’t relent (lots of cheeky fuckery from her in the past) she said they wouldn’t be able to stay if the dog couldn’t come in, so I just said sorry to hear that, well maybe see you in the new year sometime. Open mouthed with the fact I wasn’t giving in, off they went back to the car!
bonus was, the rest of us had enough dinner for Boxing Day too!
they’ve since moved to a different city so only really speak to them on FaceTime & the issue has never been mentioned!