Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

consider them as part of their family.It’s their choice, it hasn’t got anything to do with anyone else
It’s got everything do with anyone else when ‘anyone else’ is the person being made to feel bad for not wanting dogs in their own home because of the “dogs are family” people.

I have a dog but he won’t be coming on Christmas Day. He’s a food thief (typical whippet), not all of my family are dog people and if he comes my sister’s dog has to come as well and she harasses my dog. It’s just too much hassle.

If I wanted to bring him I’d definately ask first.

Well weirdly my sister who has invited us for Christmas Day did mention our dog!We agreed that bringing much loved dog would be stressy .
I just asked on Village FB if there was a local teenager who wanted to escape Christmas Day afternoon for a dog walk ...had at least 20 enquiries and meeting Mum and teenager tomorrow. £25 and problem sorted!!

I think quite frankly both! They assumed she knew the dogs would need to come or she would specifically state dog care would be needed!

This has pissed dh off a lot he says he feels as if they are trying to cause an issue between us almost making him choose. He now wants to draw a line and say it’s cancelled they can make alternative plans rather than trying to work something out eg my suggestion of the dogs staying at SIL home as she’s very nearby

YANBU, I wouldn’t allow it.

Good to hear your husband is backing you and being assertive . There’s too many spineless partners on Mumsnet who side with their family. I agree with pp it’s particularly bad they tried to cause division between the two of you. There was a thread on here recently about a SIL who wanted to bring her aggressive bitey/scratchy cats to the PIL house for Christmas and the husband was siding with his sister and her cats against his wife ! Eventually she said she’s taking her and the kids abroad to her own family for Christmas, as she doesn’t want her kids being attacked by the cat again. It’s crazy that her husband prioritised his sisters cat over his children seeing their family at Christmas!

Bit of topic but I always say to women it’s so important when dating for marriage to find a man that can stand with you when family /anyone else try to do the divide and conquer thing.

I once ditched a man who said to a dog walker it was ok when her dogs snarled and lunged at me on a narrow trail although it clearly wasn’t ok. I asked him later why his first concern was to apologise to her for me being afraid and he didn’t have a good answer. If he can side with a stranger, he will surely value his family’s feelings over mine every time.

It may sound minor but it was one of a few reasons I dumped him.

Hope you and your DH cancel on all of them and enjoy your dog free Christmas!

No they are not family members. It isn't a matter of opinion. It's simple fact. Family members are people. Dogs are not people, they are animals.

Again l voted op isn’t being unreasonable, as did many people who are dog owners, that’s my point, most people don’t just assume.
This thread is one situation, it’s not a general consensus, that all people who have dogs thinks this way, people who are dog owners, have agreed with op.Why are you getting so het up🤷‍♀️As l said, it’s ok for people to consider their dog/cat as part of their family, that’s not affecting you is it.

They’re domesticated, yes they’re animals, they need humans to care for them.Nobody said a dog is a person🙄

Well said.

Hahaha unbelievable.

What is it, that you find so unbelievable
@surreygirl1987

OP, you're absolutely in the right here. The dog situation is ridiculous. My brother and his partner got a dog four years ago and since then the dog has to go everywhere. For Christmas my mum feels she can't say no to the dog, so it comes and is a pain in the arse. Two of my kids are scared of dogs, but they still want to go to Granny and Grandad's for Christmas, so they sit upstairs while half the family stays downstairs with my brother and the dog. Lunch is stressful because the kids don't want to sit with the dog around, but apparently the dog can't be put in a different room or outside.
Strangely my brother and his partner always spend Christmas separately, with their own families, but his partner has never taken the dog for Christmas to her parents' house, because her nephew is younger (although he likes the dog).

That could be a problem as one them might get territorial indoors, then the fighting starts , nobody wants that either.A lot of dogs act differently when they're shut inside with other dogs even if they get on as a rule outside... unsupervised in another house too very unsafe for them.

To the people saying dogs are not family members, you are so wrong, my dog's always have been family, but I don't push them on anyone, because I know others don't feel that way. They should have asked not assumed and OP does not have to give in to them .

@chattyness that’s what many, who have dogs are echoing on this thread.

You need to stick up for your kids, say you won’t be going for Christmas as they’re scared of the dog. You’re missing out on your own children too if they’re hiding upstairs. All because a couple of selfish people want their dog there to the extent that it negatively affects all the others.
Then your mum can choose whether to stand up for herself and tell your brother the dog can’t come or she will miss out on seeing her grandchildren.

Dogs are part of the family.

Dog owners may regard their dogs as part of their family, but I think they should understand that not everyone believes this.
e.g. "we invite your family to our wedding" - do you think everyone believe that this includes dogs and that if you turned up to a wedding with your dog and the host expressed surprise, that the host would be incorrect?

If I invite a family to my home I absolutely do not think this includes their pets.
I think the dictionary definition of family does not include animals.

Yes, I think you're right, @pumpkinpillow . I do wish some people would allow dogs to be animals and not fur babies.

My family used to bring their dogs but then my new dog and a family members dog had a bit of a fight so now they can't be together. I wasn't sorry to not have to host all the dogs too as it did make it chaotic.

Yes. You can consider whoever you want part of your family but you need to understand what the standard definition of family is

Say I am very close to my elderly neighbour - she is like family to me, but if someone invites me and my family to a wedding or to Christmas lunch, it's bloody obvious that doesn't include her

Absolutely 💯- Im wondering where some of these people draw the line? Weddings? Christenings? Funerals? All family invites but no sane person would expect that includes an animal surely?

I wouldn't take my dogs to somewhere they are not welcome.

You've done nothing wrong OP, how cheeky of them. I wouldn't dream of rocking up to anyone's house with my dog! Also I don't really want other people's dogs in my house, I chose my breed of dog because he's small and doesn't shed, I wouldn't want someone's bigger/ hairy/ slobbery dog in my house.

I hate that word fur babies 😠

Me too. Sorry but it makes me cringe