Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

I appreciate your views about my dog rearing aren't your own, but my happy angel boy would argue he's living a pretty good life.

@Xtraincome this demonstrates exactly the kind of willfull blindness that I'm talking about in my post just above. You want to believe that your dog would tell the world he's happy, so you literally speak for him.

It's so very easy to misinterpret dog behaviour to soothe ourselves. A sleepy dog is not necessarily a happy dog.

Your house your choice but saying it ten days out means their chances of getting kennels, dog sitters means they may not come.

I wouldn't leave our pets for a full day it isn't fair on the animal and is not good for their welfare.

Yes, agree @thestudio
I did say people with bulldogs normalise the reason why they are lethargic, sleeping a lot, can’t walk very far. However l should have said some.

Do you think the OP has been thinking for months 'oh I bet they are all planning on bringing their dogs, I don't want them to but I'll leave it to the last minute to tell them they can't'
Or is it more likely that she said something as some as she became aware that this was the plan, which was only shortly before Christmas probably because the entitled dog owners either didn't think that taking their dogs wasn't acceptable, or because they knew damn fine that the OP wouldn't want their dogs in the house so thought if they left it until the last minute the OP would be more likely to say yes because she had already ordered the food/ done the shopping so wouldn't want to have to cancel at short notice.

This!

YANBU Op.

I've never owned a dog, I admit. It would just never occur to me that guests would expect to have three dogs in the house at the one time.

You shirk the angry threads, by calling people grumps and vultures😂 er ok.It’s got nothing to do with Christmas being a sensitive subject, it’s comments like yours, justifying leaving your dog for 10 hours, not understanding why, there’s a reason S/he doesn’t move! It’s just demonstrating a complete lack of awareness!

I think that is also the OP's issue.

However, as a dog owner, I don't really consider the dog to be a possession that I just leave at home when he isn't wanted. He'll stay at home for a short while happily alone (2-3 hours) but we do that when it's necessary - it's not what I want to do with a living creature who is a family member that loves me and relies on me. If we receive an invitation as a family where the dog wasn't welcome, we either leave one family member home with the dog or we don't go.

Sometimes people hosting think of it from the point of view of their house and the impact on them (fair enough) - but forget that if the dog is left behind, some sort of arrangements need to be made. And those may not be straightforward on Christmas day.

Social awareness doesn't really apply to a family christmas day. It applies to going round to a friend's house to do something. Family know that you have a dog. Dogs can't just be left for the day - it's abusive.

Sometimes people hosting think of it from the point of view of their house and the impact on them (fair enough) - but forget that if the dog is left behind, some sort of arrangements need to be made. And those may not be straightforward on Christmas day

Of course they do, because it's entirely the responsibility of the dog owner. Most dog owners are not as entitled as you appear to be and understand that arrangements for their animals are for them to make, and that invitations aren't generally extended to pets unless by explicit agreement. We have many dogs in our extended family and none of the owners are as entitled as this.

It’s up to the dog owners to consider all of this before taking on the commitment of ownership. You need to think “well that may mean I can’t visit my loved ones at Christmas if they (quite rightly) don’t want dogs in their house”. It’s not the host’s problem to worry about their guests having to sort arrangements for the dogs they chose to have.

It's a ridiculous expectation.

I quite like dogs, although I don't have one . As a family we used to spend quite a lot of the summer in southern Spain, and people asked in incredulous tones if it was really true that the English brought their dogs into the house!

My family know full well that we will categorically not allow dogs in our house, ever. They have the choice to come without their dogs or not come at all. Their arrangements for their dogs are not my problem, because they’re the ones who chose to have dogs.
Yes we’re a close family who enjoy spending a lot of time together, but all of them knew about our dislike of dogs and allergies to dogs before they got them.

It quite clearly is the host's problem in this case, otherwise the OP wouldn't have posted.

Oh dear, you seem angry.

The onus is not on ME to do ANYTHING as I am not remotely involved with the OP's situation.

HTH.

I'm not sure why you're calling me entitled. The OP just assumed the dog could be essentially frozen in a cupboard for the day, or completely overlooked the dog situation. It isn't the case. Arrangements are needed and these aren't straightforward especially at Christmas. It isn't entitled to point this out. Entitled would be turning up with the dog without asking.

No it’s not the op’s problem to think about what arrangements the dog owners will make, as you suggested it was - “people hosting think of it from the point of view of their house and the impact on them (fair enough) - but forget that if the dog is left behind, some sort of arrangements need to be made”
Op only asked if she was being unreasonable to want a dog-free Christmas - she’s not.

She's not unreasonable to want a dog free christmas. But it was a bit silly inviting family with 3 dogs between them and giving no thought whatsoever to what would be done with those dogs. And this is evidenced by the fact that OP's dh has received (quite rude) messages about germ ocd etc from people who clearly have no arrangements for their dogs. I do maintain that the arrangements for the dogs, whilst not the OP's responsibility to sort out, still present a problem to the OP.

The assumptions were very much on the part of the dog owners. If you are planning on taking your dogs somewhere then the onus is on you to check that it’s ok with the host. The obligation is not on the host to think about other people’s dogs and check that everyone has made arrangements for their dogs.

It wasn’t silly at all. Again, it’s not on the op to think about arrangements for the dogs - it’s on the owners. If they’re having problems sorting it at short notice that’s their problem for assuming dogs would be welcome and not checking that it was ok to bring them.

Dogs are part of families and cannot be left all day, kennels /fog boarding is at a premium at Christmas and is booked up months ahead. As you knew they had dogs you should have made it clear at the invitation stage rather than just before Christmas.

I personally wouldn't go if it meant leaving the dog when I had mine. And yes it is your dogs house too

Again, it’s not on the op to think about arrangements for the dogs - it’s on the owners. If they’re having problems sorting it at short notice that’s their problem for assuming dogs would be welcome and not checking that it was ok to bring them.

Totally agree - but in recent times many dog owners seem to think a host has a responsibility to include the dog in an invitation, and if the dog isn’t included it’s somehow down to the host to find a solution to any resulting problems. So dog owners have managed to abdicate all responsibility. The onus has shifted

So does the same principle apply to horses?

Exactly..... Or cats....or rats.....or tarantulas....

Eejits

I would never assume that an invite to someone's house would extend to my dog.

I've been to my siblings house for christmas dinner and both our dogs get on well, even go out with the same dog walker, but I would never expect to take him with me. He would get walked prior to me going out and then he would sleep for the few hours I'm out (I check on him with my camera), he has food / water and can access the garden via a cat flap. He does not need to be with me 24/7, in fact he doesn't always want to be with me as he'll take himself off to his crate in another room most evenings.