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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

950 replies

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:27

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
pinkroses79 · 15/12/2024 18:31

No dogs are welcome in my house because my cats would be upset. If that meant someone not coming round, that would be ok. If I didn’t have the cats I might allow one dog round, but not three. And only if it was very placid and didn’t run around or jump up.

Bupster · 15/12/2024 18:34

Depends on the age of the puppies. On the one hand, if they're very young, yes, YABU. You can't leave tiny puppies alone and your family would likely have made different arrangements for Christmas had they realised the puppies couldn't come. I also don't know why you've not had this conversation until ten days before Christmas day. On the other hand, it is bizarre that your family would not have mentioned the dogs would have to come - given that they know you don't have dogs and wouldn't have known.

fetchacloth · 15/12/2024 18:36

YANBU OP. That wouldn't be acceptable to me either. Frankly I think your visitors are rude to assume that they can bring their dogs.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 15/12/2024 18:39

[Dog owner gets invite for event]

Dog owner: “Would be lovely but i cant, sorry! I have no one to care for/look in on dog that day”

If at that point there is no suggestion of bringing dog with, then there is your answer.

it’s really that simple.

probably how I’d do it. Like childcare, if you cant get any, sometimes you just have to skip events. 🤷‍♀️ Part and parcel of having a dog and its the trade you make for having that little furry buddy wagging its tail for you every day.

Sincerely,
bonkers dog owner love my little furry best buddy but not a dog-mum

p.s my dog would have no idea it is Christmas. It would be like leaving her for any other event with whatever arrangements necessary. She has zero idea what day it is other than she got fed duck yesterday but rabbit today. I love her like a best mate but no, she does not have xmas presents, stocking or advent calendar either 😂

HappyMamma2023 · 15/12/2024 18:41

YANBU OP. There was a similar post the other day from the other pov. The OP didn't want to visit family for Christmas because there was another relative who was bringing a large dog and the OP had small children. The OP seemed to get berated about this!
I'm a dog person and love my dog very much, but also understand he's large, furry and sometimes smelly and may scare people. So, if we're visiting friends for a few hours at Christmas he stays at home, and he only stays over at our parent's or my brother's house who he's known since a puppy and are very much dog people. Times seem to have changed aicbe Covid dogs parents dogs they're more like people's children! It's ridiculous

Thursdaygirl · 15/12/2024 18:49

my dog would have no idea it is Christmas

Its a relief to hear this!

Lorrymum · 15/12/2024 18:50

We leave our little dog at home when visiting my sister over Christmas. She will be much better off at home, avoiding being stood on, eating something she shouldn't and getting over excited and anxious.
When she was a puppy we took her with us and set up her crate in a spare room away from all the festivities.

ThatWildSnail · 15/12/2024 18:57

Unfortunately we have to deal with similar with both my side of the family and his.... And the thing is we own a dog, we like dogs! But we don't want 3 or 4 dogs in our small house every bloody time they want to visit. Does our nuts in. Our dog will be left for 4 or possibly 5 hours at a time at home if need be and theyre fine. Or, if it's longer we arrange for and pay the dog sitter to pop round.
Weve got two young kids (one a baby) and sil dog actually snapped and bit our older kid on the face not too long ago so no I don't want the mutt anywhere near either of them. But apparently people get offended by me not wanting the dogs around?!

ilovesushi · 15/12/2024 18:58

We have a dog but I would never just assume I could bring her along to someone else's house. It is hard for the people with puppies as they shouldn't be left for extended periods and it is going to be incredibly hard to find suitable daycare for them on Christmas day. If the distances aren't too great, they could pop back to check on them. Hope it works out for everyone!

carly2803 · 15/12/2024 18:59

i have dogs, i love dogs

no bloody way they are coming anywhere else except home over christmas!!

entitled people and dogs, its unreal . Lockdown has made it worse

Xtraincome · 15/12/2024 19:03

biscuitsandbooks · 15/12/2024 18:08

Bulldogs are lazy because they're horrendously overbred and can't physically breathe or do a proper amount of exercise - it's nothing to be smug about Hmm

Dayum the grumps are out in force today. Merry Christmas Mumsnetters. Let's hope we get some joy in 2025, hey?

Manara · 15/12/2024 19:07

Xtraincome · 15/12/2024 19:03

Dayum the grumps are out in force today. Merry Christmas Mumsnetters. Let's hope we get some joy in 2025, hey?

She’s right about bulldogs though.

WhatUSeeIsWhatUGet · 15/12/2024 19:08

Your house, your rules, of course. YANBU.

Xtraincome · 15/12/2024 19:10

Manara · 15/12/2024 19:07

She’s right about bulldogs though.

Definitely about some for sure, but our boy, by some miracle hasn't got the breathing issues- slightly better genetics I suppose. But man this thread had brought out the vultures. I shirk the angry threads, but not today, my mistake. Dogs over for Xmas Dinner is way too sensitive a subject, it seems.

AngryBookworm · 15/12/2024 19:11

YANBU and your DH is a legend. Cancel the lot. Or just say 'nope, no dogs in my house, but as you're all united in wanting to spend Christmas around the dogs feel free to take over hosting duties'. Then you can leave when you want. It doesn't actually matter whether they should or shouldn't leave their dogs - either way, you have a right not to have them in your home. And if they had a child who regularly rolled in and ate poo then licked whatever food it could get its hands on, and was liable to start a dangerous fight with other children when 'stressed', then you'd be within your rights to refuse entry to that child too. It's not about whether dogs are or aren't people enough, it's your home and you get to choose who comes into it. Period.

Mary28 · 15/12/2024 19:11

WTAF I have a dog and my inlaws have a dog and if they came to mine for the day or I came to theirs, there is no way in this wide earthly world that they or I would assume that the dogs would be coming or were invited.
People need to get a grip.

Bunniemalone · 15/12/2024 19:24

Yanbu. I have had dogs for years, all big breeds, all v well trained. Often get asked if I've thought of saddling them up. I would never ever assume or even think they would be welcome in other people's houses. How rude! I do think that people got dogs in COVID & have no idea how to train them. If one more person shouts over to me when their out of control doodle/cockerpoo/ whatever is fashionable at the moment runs up to bother my dogs. That they just want to bloody play, I swear I will end up doing time for GBH. Tell them your house your rules. They are welcome, dogs not. Up to them. I do have to say we had an invite to a lunch recently... Which was addressed to the dogs & then us as an after thought 🤣

thestudio · 15/12/2024 19:27

user1471505494 · 15/12/2024 13:33

Wow I’m cruel and dense. I would love to see what your dog is like

Firstly they were never left on their own and had at least one other dog with them we do fully understand their dog needs and have never attempted to impose human feelings on them

Secondly what do you think happens to most dogs at night. Ours were never allowed upstairs and spent the nights in their own room together. Do you get up every few hours to check your dog
Our dogs are well behaved friendly and are polite to visitors who have to walk through their room to access the rest of the house

So you're saying that your dogs are alone for most of the day... and most of the night? This isn't the gotcha you think it is.

Wow I’m cruel and dense.
Yes I do think you are behaving in ways which are both of those things, I'm afraid. I'm sorry if this hurts your feelings, but I honestly believe that there is a greater principle at stake:

Having dogs isn't a right. Like most things in life, some people just aren't able to do so - because they live in rented flats for example, or they don't have the income to cover insurance or vet's bills, or because they work outside the home for more than three or four hours at a time. It's really unfair - but it's life.

Some people feel so strongly that they want to live with dogs that they make really big sacrifices in order to do so - change careers so that they can work from home or take their dogs with them, for example. Or move to rural areas where property is cheaper. But lots of decent humans have to come to terms with the fact that they are not, however unfair or sad this might be, in a position to give a dog a home.

The most awful thing to do in this situation is to insist that your right to have a dog trumps the dog's right to have its needs met. To say, 'they'll be fine at home alone', when you can't possibly really know whether or not that is true.

If you did look into it - surely the very barest minimum when we are considering whether we're fit to take responsibility for an animal - you'd discover that we do actually already know, and have done for at least the last 20 years, that dogs need much more than a couple of hours of human companionship in the morning and evening to be happy. That they might seem happy for those brief moments you're with them, but that's partly because of the contrast with the rest of their lives - the bulk of their lives, when they are sad, understimulated, lonely and often scared and stressed.

To charge ahead without looking into this is the mark of someone who is putting their own needs far higher than those of the dog that they will get so much love and affection from. And therefore it's the mark of someone who shouldn't have a dog at all.

As someone said upthread - this is where it's exactly like having children. NOT because dogs are the same as babies - but because both require you to totally orient your life around them, and often to make big sacrifices . And because sometimes, if you're not lucky enough to be in a situation to do so, you can't have them. It's not to do with your rights - it's because you can't offer what the child/dog needs.

Booboobagins · 15/12/2024 19:28

I tried to introduce our dogs to my DSD dog and it was a nightmare. The next time we visited she asked me not to bring our big dog. I told her I wasn't going to - people with dogs in their family need to be responsible and tie into their hosts needs....

lto2019 · 15/12/2024 19:34

Your house, your rules - if I was them I would have asked if it was ok - I wouldn't want to leave them for hours - but they have a total of 3 between and that is too much for them to expect you to have. They need to stay at home - owners and dogs - 3 dogs in a unfamiliar environment on a busy day would be stressful for you and the dogs.

biscuitsandbooks · 15/12/2024 19:35

Xtraincome · 15/12/2024 19:10

Definitely about some for sure, but our boy, by some miracle hasn't got the breathing issues- slightly better genetics I suppose. But man this thread had brought out the vultures. I shirk the angry threads, but not today, my mistake. Dogs over for Xmas Dinner is way too sensitive a subject, it seems.

Well, any dog that in your own words "doesn't move" for 10 hours doesn't sound particularly healthy to me, but I'm sure I'll be told I'm "angry" for saying so.

This article may be of interest too - many owners of bulldogs and other flat-faced breeds don't actually recognise breathing issues in their dogs and think their laziness or snoring etc. is just normal.

https://phys.org/news/2012-05-short-nosed-dog-owners-pets-problems.html

Username2532 · 15/12/2024 19:36

Xtraincome · 15/12/2024 19:03

Dayum the grumps are out in force today. Merry Christmas Mumsnetters. Let's hope we get some joy in 2025, hey?

What! Are you quite alright, the comment you’re referring to, is about bull dogs being over bred, causing health problems, breathing difficulties, it was in response to another poster who said their bulldog doesn’t move for 10 hours! And comments saying they leave their dogs on a regular basis for 8/10 hours.Again that’s not a good thing, is it?

biscuitsandbooks · 15/12/2024 19:38

Username2532 · 15/12/2024 19:36

What! Are you quite alright, the comment you’re referring to, is about bull dogs being over bred, causing health problems, breathing difficulties, it was in response to another poster who said their bulldog doesn’t move for 10 hours! And comments saying they leave their dogs on a regular basis for 8/10 hours.Again that’s not a good thing, is it?

She is the poster with the bulldog who leaves it for 8 hours...

Theperenniallaunderess · 15/12/2024 19:48

YANBU, but don’t expect them to stay more than a couple of hours.

That said, if my family or my husband’s family said we couldn’t bring our dog for Christmas Day, we absolutely wouldn’t be going.

Username2532 · 15/12/2024 19:51

biscuitsandbooks · 15/12/2024 19:38

She is the poster with the bulldog who leaves it for 8 hours...

Of course she is, calling other posters grumps! Because she thinks it’s acceptable to leave her dog for 10 hours and that it doesn’t move!! Unbelievable, that you think this is ok @Xtraincome
@biscuitsandbooks Yes, people who have bulldogs just normalise this.

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