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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

950 replies

caninechristmasconundrum · 15/12/2024 10:27

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

OP posts:
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5
TwinklyAmberOrca · 15/12/2024 14:40

YANBU!

We have two dogs, and my parents hosted a family thing recently and although their house is quite big, having two dogs around and wet weather would have been a nightmare so quite rightfully they said no dogs. I went with the kids and DH stayed at home with the dogs (as he won't put them in kennels).

As they live so close, then one of them staying with the dogs at your sisters house seems sensible.

Dogs are a pain in the arse. They leave hair everywhere, mud up walls, chew stuff (puppies!), take food, bark. It takes the fun out of it.

Years ago my in-laws came round for mothers day, and their dog ended up getting into a snarling fight during the meal with our dog which ruined the entire day.

I'm not a dog person! Our dogs belong to my DH. I tolerate them but not my responsibility!

justasking111 · 15/12/2024 14:41

We're with family Christmas day and boxing day. Dogs will be walked in the morning left for a few hours. Husband will nip back spend an hour with them and return. Ditto on boxing day.

Ottersmith · 15/12/2024 14:42

Do you leave your kids at home when you go somewhere for Christmas. People love their dogs. They love them like we love our children. You can dispute that all you want but their feelings are real. Dogs are absolutely part of the family and it's selfish to expect people to be without their dogs at Christmas. Have you had friends who ask you to always leave your child behind to meet up? They are selfish and annoying aren't they? Thats what you are being. What harm will it do?

By the way, studies have shown that children who have pets in the first year of life have got a much varies gut biome and less likely to have allergies, chromes disease etc. so you might want to rethink your germ phobia. They should all have Christmas at someone else's house in this case, leave the killjoys to have their own dog free Christmas.

dynamiccactus · 15/12/2024 14:43

SnakesandKnives · 15/12/2024 14:04

Turns out that if you have an 18 foot Burmese python that people suddenly lose the ‘my dog has to go everywhere’ view. Weird that!

this is probably not a good solution for anyone else tho 😁

Love this :)

dynamiccactus · 15/12/2024 14:45

Ottersmith · 15/12/2024 14:42

Do you leave your kids at home when you go somewhere for Christmas. People love their dogs. They love them like we love our children. You can dispute that all you want but their feelings are real. Dogs are absolutely part of the family and it's selfish to expect people to be without their dogs at Christmas. Have you had friends who ask you to always leave your child behind to meet up? They are selfish and annoying aren't they? Thats what you are being. What harm will it do?

By the way, studies have shown that children who have pets in the first year of life have got a much varies gut biome and less likely to have allergies, chromes disease etc. so you might want to rethink your germ phobia. They should all have Christmas at someone else's house in this case, leave the killjoys to have their own dog free Christmas.

Well the kids might avoid Crohn's if they haven't been mauled to death by the "fur baby" by the time they're a year old.

We only had guinea pigs and rabbits when I was a child, but I've had fewer stomach issues than DH who always had cats around.

And no, dogs (and cats, and rabbits - and er - pythons) are pets. They ain't the same as children.

Startingagainandagain · 15/12/2024 14:45

As long as you make the rule clear in advance then YNBU. You are perfectly entitled not to want several dogs in your house.

However, in reality be prepared for the fact that some people will not be able to visit you because their dogs can't be left alone for a long periods of time and over Christmas it will be hard to find someone else to look after the dog while they are out.

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/12/2024 14:46

I would assume that if you invited me and my family around for Xmas day and you knew I had a dog that the dog would also be coming.

Why, it's the humans that are invited, not the pets.

dynamiccactus · 15/12/2024 14:47

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/12/2024 14:46

I would assume that if you invited me and my family around for Xmas day and you knew I had a dog that the dog would also be coming.

Why, it's the humans that are invited, not the pets.

Does that also apply if you have a house bunny/?

Nope, thought not.

Why is it always dogs?

Dollybantree · 15/12/2024 14:47

I agree dog owners need to ask if they can bring their dog with them, but if the answer is no, then expect them to say "I can only stay for a couple of hours, then I have to go home."

What do people who work full time do if their dogs need to be attended to every 2 hours. Sorry but I call bullshit.

Personally I'd say all the better if they can only stay two hours - or preferably not come at all!

Dollybantree · 15/12/2024 14:48

I would assume that if you invited me and my family around for Xmas day and you knew I had a dog that the dog would also be coming.

For real??

Honestly, you are a total CF in that case and have no social awareness.

Whoarethoseguys · 15/12/2024 14:48

Patienceinshortsupply · 15/12/2024 11:03

Bonkers dog owner here, we have 4 coming on Christmas Day. And I'd never turn a dog away.

But as this thread shows, dogs are far nicer creatures than humans are.

How does this thread show that?

user1471505494 · 15/12/2024 14:49

HelpMeGetThrough · 15/12/2024 14:46

I would assume that if you invited me and my family around for Xmas day and you knew I had a dog that the dog would also be coming.

Why, it's the humans that are invited, not the pets.

If you received an invitation to a wedding or christening would you automatically invited

IamnotwhouthinkIam · 15/12/2024 14:49

It’s makes me laugh the posts saying well trained, adult dogs shouldn’t be left all day when people are at work 🤣 It is true they are pack animals and need company, but other canine company is fine. If they are toilet trained and don’t mess themselves when left for a similar amount of time overnight, then they will be fine during the day too (assuming you have walked them/let them out to toilet before you leave them). I know some people put out a puppy pad “just in case” but it’s rarely needed ime.

They are just lucky they are inside somewhere warm! I live rurally and it’s quite commonplace for dogs to be left outside together for all of the working day here (with kennels for shelter).

The issue the OP relatives have is that they’ve got a newish rescue dog and puppies- neither of which will be ready to be left for long periods yet. But this should have been considered long before Christmas!

PureBoggin · 15/12/2024 14:51

It's so weird. Imagine if I rocked up with my three cats and my bearded dragon. Some dog owners are so entitled.

EntropyCentral · 15/12/2024 14:52

However, in reality be prepared for the fact that some people will not be able to visit you because their dogs can't be left alone for a long periods of time

That's fine. People say this so often as if the host will be angry or disappointed.
We are all prepared for people to turn down the invitation and it's perfectly fine and we are not upset or any other negative emotion.

I feel a bit sorry for people with dogs maybe, to have their life so negatively affected but apart from that, no. We are all ok with it. And I think I speak for the vast majority of people who don't want dogs in their home. We're not that bothered if you don't come. Rather that than have a dog in my house.

Deadringer · 15/12/2024 14:53

We adore our little dog but we don't expect other people to. We have a couple of invitations over Christmas and we wouldn't even consider bringing her with us. I would be annoyed if someone brought their dog to our house, it has never happened though.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2024 14:53

Mrsbloggz · 15/12/2024 14:34

It's almost as if having a dog is a hallmark of the intellectually challenged 😶

Show quote history

Does that charming comment apply to those of us who have said we wouldn’t dream of assuming we could bring our dogs to someone else’s house, @Mrsbloggz?

justasking111 · 15/12/2024 14:54

My cat would politely decline but request leftover turkey. 😁

Username2532 · 15/12/2024 14:56

RoyalCorgi · 15/12/2024 14:33

Dogs shouldn’t be left all day, they need to go out, not expected to go to toilet on a tiled floor then left

This is the biggest issue. Dogs need to go to the toilet. They also need to be walked, but you can do that first and last thing.

Quite hard, I imagine, to find a dog-sitter Christmas Day.

I agree dog owners need to ask if they can bring their dog with them, but if the answer is no, then expect them to say "I can only stay for a couple of hours, then I have to go home."

As l said, agree op isn’t being unreasonable Of course, or at least l hope a dog would go out for a walk, before left, then when the person comes back home.My point was a dog shouldn’t be left regularly, more than 6 hours a day, not just talking about Christmas Day, was talking in general terms to the poster l responded to, who leaves their dogs all day, on a regular basis because apparently they have a life to live!

Ayechinnyreckon · 15/12/2024 14:56

Nope. Not unreasonable. People should have asked, not presumed and you are perfectly reasonable to say no!

I have a dog, and wouldn't presume I could bring it, and yes, it would impact my plans for the day, but that's my problem, not my hosts.

We're going to my mum's on boxing day, unfortunately it's not close enough to leave the dog at home as it'd be far too long for her to go without someone there and my usual dog walker/ sitter is booked up for the day. So I'm taking her with me, but she'll stay in the car. I'll give her a long walk when we arrive, and we'll arrive early so I can do that. And then she'll snore the morning away in the boot. A punch time play with the ball, another snooze and she'll be grand. In spring/ summer I obviously couldn't do that though. But again, my issue not my mum's!

MyDeftDuck · 15/12/2024 14:59

Your home, your rules and I despair that they are even contemplating congregating at someone else's house with two other dogs as well.....that is irresponsible and a recipe for disaster especially as there's young children added to the mix.
There is no limit to some people's entitled stupidity.

GermanBite · 15/12/2024 14:59

PureBoggin · 15/12/2024 14:51

It's so weird. Imagine if I rocked up with my three cats and my bearded dragon. Some dog owners are so entitled.

I'd welcome the bearded dragon!

Debrathom · 15/12/2024 15:00

We've had dogs for years and not once have I taken them to someone else's house! I wouldn't dream of it. I think it's completely unreasonable of them to assume they could. Having said that, I had a friend who wanted to visit us with her very large, untrained rescue dog. He is the type that likes to chase anytning that moves. We live on a smallholding and had a lot of free range birds wandering about. I suggested it would be better to leave the dog at home (she has an adult child who lives at home and could look after it). I never heard from her again!!

NobleWashedLinen · 15/12/2024 15:01

Yanbu and your family are all bonkers. You are perfectly reasonable to hold the line that they are welcome but their pets are very much not invited.

bluebellsandspring · 15/12/2024 15:04

I am nervous around dogs and don't like ones that smell or drool. If someone asked me nicely if their dog could visit our house then I may say yes, but the assumption that all fur babies would be welcome would irritate me. Most of all, I'd be worried that the dogs wouldn't get on and would end up fighting.