Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

Turns out that if you have an 18 foot Burmese python that people suddenly lose the ‘my dog has to go everywhere’ view. Weird that!

this is probably not a good solution for anyone else tho 😁

Yes this!

We are hosting Christmas Day, family members have a dog, we don't. We are more than happy to have dog in the house for the day (lovely calm, well behaved, well trained lab) but SIL still made a point of checking that we are definitely okay for them to bring her.

Surely this is the normal, acceptable, polite thing to do? But obviously not, for many dog owners!

YANBU OP. Why does owning a dog seem to trigger such rude entitled behaviour for so many people these days?

The issue is that the societal norm of “no dogs allowed” has been broken by every cafe, restaurant and pub across the land being “dog friendly.”

So now the expectation is that they can go everywhere, including other people’s homes, and the dog people don’t feel the need to exercise common courtesy and check if they can bring their dog.

We are having family over at Christmas and no one is bringing their dogs. They are leaving them at home. Like normal sensible people.

Why does owning a dog seem to trigger such rude entitled behaviour for so many people these days?

The Venn diagram of 'people who like dogs better than people' and 'mannerless social inadequates' is pretty tight.

I can't stand dogs. As far as the world is concerned I'm allergic. I'm not actually, but it saves a load of hassle if people think I can't have dogs around me as opposed to merely not wanting them around me.

Another dog owner here that thinks you are not being unreasonable. I wouldn’t dream of taking my dog anywhere unless he’d been explicitly invited or had it made clear he was welcome, with family I might occasionally ask but if they said no it would be a none issue but he’s fine being left alone if he wasn’t and he couldn’t go I’d just politely decline again its a none issue, they sound very entitled.

I have a friend who takes her dog everywhere so I always expect to have her dog or to do dog friendly bookings and take along mine too, I actually went to her house once for a visit and didn’t take my dog because I tend not to just turn up at places with him and she was a bit taken back. If she knows an invite to something is not dog friendly in advance she gets her parents to have him or otherwise declines she would not argue the invite.

I have no issue with dogs generally coming to my house, I’ve puppy / dog sat for friends but they are generally well behaved or for puppies coming when its a normal day so accidents can be dealt with pretty much stress free and on a one at a time basis. However I am now inadvertently hosting Christmas for family (not through choice), my sister, niece & nephew (who live together) are all coming, they have 5 dogs between them, 4 of them are boisterous, barky and not fully house broken, one is mouthy and there is only 1 that I know of (the calm one) that will be ok with my cats, my sister asked to take her (was only 2 last year) little dogs to my other sisters for christmas last year and they just spent the whole time peeing everywhere! I can’t think of anything worse than having a house full of unruly dogs peeing all over my house and scaring my cats and probably annoying my older dog and my neighbours whilst trying to host a houseful of people. They have been told in no uncertain terms the dogs cannot come. Its a none issue, they leave them whilst they work, they have a camera so they can check on them, they will walk them before they come.

It’s hard with puppies as they can’t be left as long and throwing dogs that don’t live together unsupervised in a strange house is unlikely to end well. They should have declined due to the dogs and if you’d turned round and said the dogs could come it would have been a bonus.

You would be assuming wrong and should be the one checking instead of assuming the owner would want your dog in your home simply because you see your dog as family.

Many people who don’t have dogs or pets don’t see dogs as family members that they would have to accommodate for. Even more so if the dog owners go off to work and other places without their dog for hours on end.

If one is that concerned about their dog coming along, they would be making sure instead of placing the onus on the homeowner who doesn’t have pets at all to tell them. As it has been shown, many people don’t want dogs in their home for variety of reasons, don’t have to have them and have no issue with holding firm with that rule regardless of how the dog owners feel even if that means they cannot make it.

Dogs shouldn’t be left all day, they need to go out, not expected to go to toilet on a tiled floor then left!Leaving dogs regularly any longer than 6 hours is not fair to the dog.Most people have got lives too, their dogs just don’t become secondary to it.I work remotely, but when l do go for meetings, l make arrangements that my dog isn’t going to left all day.A friend, who has one dog, arranges that a dog walking company, comes in takes her dog out for 1-2 hours a day, whilst at work, when you have a dog this is just what you do, as generally people who work full time are gone more than 8 hours.
That said, agree op isn’t being unreasonable, no one should just assume it’s ok for their dogs to come for Christmas Day, particularly when you know it’s not just going to be one dog coming.
All this should have been thought out, discussed, not assumed, as it’s not really practical for one family to accommodate everyone.

Nothing spoils a social occasion more than someone's dog having a dump in the kitchen.

We have dogs that we love dearly - it could be said they are spoiled, though I would deny that to my dying day - but we would never dream of expecting to bring them to someone else’s house! We wouldn’t even ask.

We are taking the dogs down for Christmas with ds1 and his family - but they asked us to bring the dogs. If they hadn’t asked, we’d be putting the dogs in kennels.

mumda · Today 14:20

Nothing spoils a social occasion more than someone's dog having a dump in the kitchen.

Ah, you know my SiL! She's got two rescues, one semi housetrained and the other not at all. She came round last year and the latter ran into the front room and crapped on the carpet. As I (yes, me - she just laughed it off as an accident and wouldn't clean up) the dog went into the kitchen and pissed on the bamboo tiles.

She had the nerve to try to get me to take the second one off her hands, on the grounds that I'm good at training dogs. The do is a six year old dumped brood bitch, which had been kept outside from birth.

I told her it would be almost impossible to train her and she moaned that her house smells like a sewer. Apparently, I'm nasty and unreasonable.

Well yes, that definitely wouldn’t be good😂generally if you take the dog out for a walk before, this tends to stop this from happening.

you are not being unreasonable. I’m a huge dog lover, my dogs are my life and if I could I’d take them everywhere with me but it’s just not practical. Being left alone was trained in to them very early on so there’s now no problems. I just make it clear when invited somewhere where they are not welcome that there will be a time limit on how long I stay. Never had any problems doing it this way and it suits me and the person inviting me. I wouldn’t dream of taking then somewhere they were not welcome.

I don't think not wanting dogs I my home constitutes 'affecting my life' at all

I agree, I don't allow dogs in my home either. What would affect my life, is having to have other people's dogs in my house.

🎵Do they know it’s Christmas time at alllllll🎶

(nope)

Agree. I’m nearly 60 and never allowed animals in my home and yet managed to live an entirely normal and fulfilling life.

I have a dog but wouldn’t assume I could take him along to someone else’s house especially if there is going to be a house full of people. I do take him if I’m popping in to see my parents as they love to see him but wouldn’t make the assumption that everyone loves my dog as much as I do

I would love to have a dog and although I work full time, its hybrid and I could arrange for a dog walker on the days I have to go in. But, I have family and caring responsibilities and having a dog would complicate that. The dogs may get under the feet of the elderly I look after and one of them is OC about cleanliness.

I therefore prioritised my family over my desire for a dog, but there will come a time when I will be free to make my own choice and get a dog.

Any responsible person thinks it through before they get a dog and they can't make assumptions on other peoples behalf and they have to accept the limitations and be prepared for it. If they think you are OC, it makes it worse as they expect you to make allowances (when you can not control it) and if you have young children when you are entertaining and there are multiple strange dogs in the house - I'd be uncomfortable too. I'm glad to hear your husband supported you.

However, when I invite people to my home, say brother in law, I know he has a dog and I make it clear they are welcome too.....its one dog. I wouldn't just expect them to assume its OK and rock up with the dog, giving me no choice.

If they all decided to get pets, they have to be reasonable and appreciate that it is too much. They clearly hadn't thought this through. They changed the dynamics and not you.

I agree. I wouldn't want to host two dogs at Christmas.
It seems that since the pandemic dogs are everywhere and there are veru few dig free spaces.
I don't dislike dogs I had dogs as a child and I loved them but they were very firmly pets and treated as animals not children and my parents wouldn't have dreamt of taking them with them if they were invited to someone's house or when going shopping or to a coffee shop or restaurant as people do these days.

Dogs shouldn’t be left all day, they need to go out, not expected to go to toilet on a tiled floor then left

This is the biggest issue. Dogs need to go to the toilet. They also need to be walked, but you can do that first and last thing.

Quite hard, I imagine, to find a dog-sitter Christmas Day.

I agree dog owners need to ask if they can bring their dog with them, but if the answer is no, then expect them to say "I can only stay for a couple of hours, then I have to go home."

It's almost as if having a dog is a hallmark of the intellectually challenged 😶

I consider my adult children’s dogs as part of the family. My children would not relax and enjoy the day if leaving them behind as would have one eye on the clock. I am happy for them to come and have made sure they have presents to unwrap. They will enjoy being part of our celebrations and then find somewhere quiet to sleep

Of course this would be different if there were young children here but as it is I enjoy having the dogs around.

I would not take them shopping etc but as part of a family day at home they are very welcome

Relatives know dogs are not allowed in my house, my teen son and husband both have allergies and it's why we don't have any pets. I have always dropped it in conversation about the allergies so I think family all know not to rock up with their dogs. My parents have never and would never take their dog to anyone's house anyway. My in-laws do and they have big hairy dogs so it would be a definite no..and my SIL is so tied to her dog that she can't seem to do anything because it will impact the dog.

How long are they staying? Perfectly reasonable for a dog to stay a few hours alone (otherwise you could barely leave the house), and if longer to lake arrangements. I certainly would never bring my dog to any house without asking first.