Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

Given that they live relatively close surely the solution is to just pay a dog-walking service to take all the dogs for a 2hr walk while you all have lunch. Then everyone can go home, with their dogs.

I live in a normal sized 3 bed semi with DH and 2 DC. When we have had PIL, SIL, her DH and their DC over for Christmas, the house is noisy and full. There is wrapping paper, drinks, nibbles, furniture and a full roast dinner. I cannot imagine anything worse than adding 3 non-resident dogs into that mix. There would be barking, things being knocked over, having to try and keep dogs out of rooms where food was being prepared and served.
Honestly if you arrived at my house with your uninvited dog, I'd suggest you left it in the car, in the garden or if neither were acceptable I'd be waving you off with a mince pie.

I am a dog lover, but I have noticed that particularly since Covid, people are more likely to treat their pet dogs as accessories out of the home, or like a human family member, and get insulted when the dog isn’t welcome. My pets don’t go to other people’s houses/events with me and I don’t assume they are included in the invite. And I don’t want other peoples pets in my house because it upsets my pets.

YANBU at all. A big probem is that when some people get a dog they - the people - go all gooey in the brain, and everything becomes very subjective (like your MIL thinking the dog wants to share Xmas, for example). And this starts to override everything else including other people and their wishes and needs. Normal objectivity goes out of the window. Dog lovers like these should not be humoured - cafes and pubs allowing dogs on to seats is a good example - this is objectively dirty and a risk to the sensibilities of the next customer who uses the seat, but the cottonwool mind of the dog's owner takes priority. I avoid "dog friendly" places because of this.

It's so weird. Imagine if I rocked up with my three cats and my bearded dragon. Some dog owners are so entitled.

The irony being I'd welcome your cats and bearded dragon as they'd be no trouble at all! My cats sleep all day and go in the litter tray to toilet. Bearded dragons I imagine just chill wherever! Dogs are such hard work.

Unless the dog is specifically invited, why would you assume the non-dog owner wants 3 dogs in their house as well as the assortment of relatives to cater for?

If you can't visit/visit for long because of your dog then that is fine. It is surely part of your consideration when getting a dog - if you have to work out of the house for long, you make arrangements. When you go on holiday, you have to find pet friendly accommodation. When you go out for a meal, you have to find a pet friendly pub or leave it at home. If you go shopping, you leave it at home. If you visit a non-dog owner who hasn't said dogs welcome, you ask and if told no then you make other arrangements or don't go.

My Auntie's dog has recently turned 1 and mine is 9 months old. When they are together, they are absolutely bonkers. To the point they pulled down her Christmas tree by playing the other week so I haven't been taking him with me when I visit (I'll start again once the tree is gone!).

YANBU at all.
They are visiting you so they should abide by your preferences/rules.

Could you set your garage up for the three dogs?
Ask the guests to bring bowls, snack and rug or basket for their dogs. All take the dogs out for a walk, on leads, after lunch as a family activity.

YANBU. At all. I would be worried about germs and muck too. I think a lot of people who got dogs during COVID didn’t train them to be alone for a couple of hours and now the problem is embedded.

Not many people would want three dogs I wouldn't have thought!

If my dog couldn't be left or I didn't want to leave it I'd decline the invitation.

I know many dog walkers/pet sitters and there is no way they will entertain people who are not regular customers during the rest of the year over the Christmas period. As a one-off on Christmas day... forget it.

Why is it that so many dog owners have the greatest sense of entitlement?? Whether it’s forcing me out in the road while they take up the whole pavement with their dog, letting their dog bound up to my children and lick their water bottle - or treading in their shit that’s left everywhere….

YANBU, No dog will ever set foot in my house.

I think they were cheeky to expect your DH to over-rule you.

Dogs are not the same as kids. They really aren't.

It is fine to want to meet up with friends without their kids as well by the way. I'd expect them to turn down your invitation to Christmas Day lunch without their kids. But the may be fine with New Year drinks without the kids!

She isn't forcing them to be without their dogs at Christmas. She's been clear they can come without the dogs, or stay home with the dogs.

I hope she has a wonderful Christmas (why is she a killjoy?) without the manipulative relatives and their dogs.

Puppies may not even be socialised yet. (I’ve never had puppies).

I am as pet crazy as it is possible to be with a veritable menagerie and I cannot believe they all assumed that they could bring their pets to your home for Christmas dinner, especially SIL who is really close and could easily pop home to check in/let the dog out etc.

If you don't look after dogs yourself/didn't grow up with one, it's not obvious you would know how long they could or couldn't be left.

If there is a rescue dog with separation anxiety, the obvious thing to do would be mention there's a bit of an issue, might it be possible to bring? etc or just accept you can't go elsewhere this one year while they settle in. It is much more likely to be the latter than the former, they are dolts for not seeing that.

It feels like a pile on.

Then they have to miss out on Christmas at others' that one year - they could offer to host themselves?

Well said!
I think the worst bit about their refusal to accept the dog-related conditions (that come with your kind offer to host them on Christmas Day!) is that they're trying to drive a bit of a wedge between you and your DH. That's just so underhand! Glad he's sticking to his guns.
It's really rude of them to bat back your polite request to leave their dogs at home, especially the way they've done it via your DH.
I think you're a saint for still wanting them there - I'd be fed up already and planning an alternative😬

Well, yes, I suggested that upthread.

It's also reasonable for a dog owner to think their dog would be welcomed by family unless otherwise stated (assuming their norm is that the dog usually goes everywhere with them day to day).

Erm... wtf have I just read?! 🙈

I see a few of us have. Maybe this will make the Daily Mail and they'll decide to take us up on the idea?

Are you the mother of 3 DC that on recieving an invite for the child in DS's class to come to DS's birthday party at a pay for event rocked up with all 3 kids, wangled admission for three meaning 2 invited DC had to pay on the door to get in and when asked if they had used up places for children that weren't invited said 'but you know I got 3 DCs'. Yep that's why the invite was Bill not to Bill, Gill and Phil you cheeky mare.

We've got a dog with absolutely horrific seperation anxiety so we really can't go anywhere without him but even we check before taking him to anyone's house (except MIL because she told us off for checking 😂)

Yanbu

That must be very limiting. How do you manage?