Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

No OP, you don’t need to remember it’s their Chritsmas too. Such nonsense.
Yes dogs like the company of their owners in their own familiar surroundings, but they ususally don’t mind being left for a few hours as long as they have been exercised and stimulated before hand. I can see that puppies are a different matter.

You just stick to your guns.

I'd be more annoyed at their response than their assumptions. Implying to your dh that this is a YOU problem is a dick move.

If I were you I'd try to be good guy and suggest alternatives and let your dh be bad guy who says don't come.

But of course it is reasonable to not want three dogs on your house on Xmas day. Your ils can either come for less time or go home mid way to walk/check on them.

I love that some posters think the crazy dog owners not coming would be a downside for the OP

I notice that some make it sound like some sort of punishment to the host.
The reality for me is I just don't care if someone won't come to my house
without their dog. Their loss.

I’m an owner of 2 ‘large’ dogs.

Of course you don’t assume dogs (and more so puppies) are welcome in other people’s houses, even family. Your middle way of them going to SiLs sounds sensible. People might drift over there and stay after eating, but fair enough.

You’ve helped me realise we assumed we couldn’t take our dogs with us to family on Christmas Day. We should ask, but the chaos which may ensue with their dog might wreck the day.

We have had dogs for 40 odd years , usually 2 or 3 at a time. They were frequently left all day as suprise suprise we had lives to live and work to go to. Our dogs had a large room with a tiled floor that was easy to clean if necessary Yes they were pleased to see us when we came back but their welcome was the same if it was 30 minutes or 8 hours
They were part of our family but NOT our children. I would never expect to take them to someone else’s house especially not at Christmas and I would not expect anyone to bring their dog here without asking. Our dogs and children didn’t suffer from anxiety or stress
OP absolutely stick to your guns about no dogs. It is not you being unreasonable

They are part of the family.
It's the same for kids. They go everywhere unless it's clear it's adults only or not an activity suitable for children
Communication is the issue not dogs.

No practical help cooking or cleaning up after but they do bring all the drinks and things like chocolates , sweets, crisps and they will play with dc a bit while we are in and out of the kitchen etc

i suspect the puppies are still too young to be left for very long. It takes a lot of time to build up to leaving dogs alone for 4 hours and anything crossed with a poodle will be prone to separation anxiety which is a nightmare. Similarly a rescue is likely to have issues as changing families is incredibly stressful so being left at home alone for long periods of time is unlikely to be a good idea. That’s what they are likely to be thinking of.

But having three dogs that don’t know each other in a party atmosphere in a strange house is a recipe for chaos. We have one friend who will bring their dog to ours but we’ve known the dog since he was a puppy and our dogs get on okay.

we have a Cavapoo and we don’t take her to big family events because while she is great at home with everyone visiting she gets stressed in a different environment. One tail pull by a toddler and you could have a very unhappy dog. With lots of people and dogs it’s not possible to have complete control unless you use gates to keep the dogs separated from each other and the kids. Just not worth it.

They are awful. Don’t back down.

So not very much.

Do you not get annoyed cooking and washing dishes for them all? Especially now where it’s clear they see it as your job to host?

I wouldn't bring a dog necessarily but only if I thought they might be stressed with the noise, unfamiliar house or other dogs etc or getting in the way.

My family have always bought their dogs to ours and vice versa for Christmas lunch.

I think it's fair enough if you don't want dogs there but it's unreadable to assume people are dicks because they want to.

No it's unreasonable to assume your dog has been invited because it's a family member. I've had dogs at various stages in my life and would never even think of bringing them to someone's house not to talk or assume my dog was invited.

It's different if we organized a dog playdate with a friend etc but to be invited to dinner in someone's house and to assume you're bringing your dog is just ridiculous and selfish.

Your mil and Sil “telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house”, after the expense, time and effort hosting the past few years when all they do is bring drinks and snacks would make sure that this year was cancelled and that the invitation would never be repeated.

The absolute cheek! Glad your DH has your back with these two vipers.

I have 2 rescues and wouldn't dream of not including them in Christmas. However I wouldn't be offended if that meant I couldn't come to your home for Christmas. I understand other people don't love my dogs and indeed any dogs as much as I do.

Nope YANBU.

I won’t have dogs at our house. My aunt usually spends Christmas with us and either kennels her dog or leaves with a friend.

Your suggestion sounds perfect. Houses full of people, wrapping paper and dangerous foods like chocolate are stressful for dogs anyway.

We went to friends’ for Christmas one year when we both had puppies. Fucking hell it was the worst christmas ever! Both puppies were a nightmare, made worse by the fact that ours is a massive lab and theirs a tiny sausage dog. The whole day was all about keeping the dogs in check and wiping muddy paw prints off their white tiled floor. Neither could settle at all. Luckily all our children are older so there was no danger of them being knocked over but it was just hard, hard work. It’d be fine now they’re older but 2 puppies, a recent rescue dog and small children would be a no from me!

Christ. This was very cruel. You might have owned dogs for 40 years, but you clearly did not give even 40 minutes to understanding their real needs. How absolutely shocking. And dense - of course their welcome was the same. it has no bearing whatsoever on how despairing, depressed and afraid they are likely to have been during the hours they were trapped in that room alone.

If you needed to work outside the home for those hours you should never, ever have got a dog.

Omg what cheeky sly fuckers! After being told no they went behind your back to DH and tried to manipulate him into agreeing and potentially cause an argument between you both. Good for your DH for standing his ground and backing you up.

YADNBU your house your rules! I say this as an animal lover with two cats and a dog. I wouldn't dream of assuming I could bring my dog to a family member's home at xmas without asking first and then throw a strop after being told no then going the back of the hostess to get my way.

I wouldn't let anyone bring their dogs to my home because my dog has behaviour issues and serious anxiety with other dogs and all my friends and family with dogs accept this without question and have never given me a hard time about it.

@caninechristmasconundrum Don't you dare back down and tell them straight they either come without their dogs or stay home for Christmas and also tell them if they turn up with their dogs on Christmas day they won't be coming in. I can see your in laws sneakily agreeing then turning up anyway with the dogs making it harder to say no.

I teach adults French classes and more than once have had people bring their dogs along to class. I do think dog owners have got used to taking their dogs everywhere and it's not always acceptable. I wouldn't have dogs in my house for xmas. My brother wanted to bring two daschund (so admittedly tiny) puppies to xmas last year and was told no in no uncertain terms. A few years ago he had a different dog there at Christmas and it was a huge pain not being able to put food down anywhere or sit down with getting a dog on your lap.

Wow I’m cruel and dense. I would love to see what your dog is like

Firstly they were never left on their own and had at least one other dog with them we do fully understand their dog needs and have never attempted to impose human feelings on them

Secondly what do you think happens to most dogs at night. Ours were never allowed upstairs and spent the nights in their own room together. Do you get up every few hours to check your dog
Our dogs are well behaved friendly and are polite to visitors who have to walk through their room to access the rest of the house

We have a large house and usually have a great houseful over Christmas but I draw the line at dogs. We have tried it in the past and never again; tiresome, tedious, boring and they bloody stink. Some dog people never fail to realise that their darling doggies are just a complete drag to the rest of us and we do not find the yapping, the drool or the hair charming. I like dogs but it's got really silly about people bringing them everywhere.

I am with you, all the way!

MIL (the walking talking rspca advert) has declared ‘you need to remember it’s their Christmas too ! Last year poor ddog was in a rescue centre he needs to experience a family Christmas’

Just out of interest is it your side of the family with the dogs too, or are all the dog owners in question from his side of the family? @caninechristmasconundrum

We have a couple of large dogs that i absolutely adore and fuss over.
The dogs go to a lot of places with us including the pub. We have been turned away from pubs and that is absolutely fine, not a problem. However we have ever rocked up at someone's house expecting the dogs to be welcomed! That's just rude!
As others said they compounded that rudeness by messaging your husband.
In your shoes I would be cancelling.