Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

These days I’m sure there’s some who would say yes to all of the above

I'm not aware that this was the OP's original question. If it's a concern of yours, you should be starting a thread of your own .... perhaps.

I had lunch out one day and bumped into a friend who kindly invited me to sit with her and two of her other friends. They had three dogs among them (in a dog friendly farm cafe). I know nothing about dogs - two were Schnauzers, I was told.

They're lovely animals, but having three dogs together became rather chaotic. At one point, one of the Schnauzers peed all over the (concrete) floor. My friend cleaned it up, but - when she asked the cafe workers for materials to do so, explained that the dog had been sick after having one of the treats provided by the cafe...

Those were moderately sized animals. Goodness knows what chaos would have ensued with larger dogs.

I wouldn't have 3 dogs unused to one another in my home for Christmas - there's just too much scope for trouble.

This is bonkers and I say that as a previous dog owner all though currently between dogs.

Depending on distances they can be left or people can stay shorter times! Might be different if there was one older dog but three unknown dogs in an unknown environment around kids?! Hard no!

Lighten up. It’s only 3 dogs for godsake not the taliban.

I'd rather have lunch with the taliban.

I actually had a relative who penned their dog up in their kitchen while everyone was at work. My late husband (who used to work with dogs at work) was rather dismayed.

Not enough space so we’ve always hosted. It’s always been fine but PIL got a rescue in March and BIL and SIL got their puppies in May

I wouldn't risk it. In a pp post, I've talked about my experience in a farm cafe. Three dogs together in a party atmosphere? That's recipe for disaster.

I think people just aren’t using any form of common sense. We are huge dog lovers but you can’t just assume you can take them anywhere and everywhere. You have come up with a very good solution with your SIL as they are so local. Therefore it really shouldn’t be an issue? What about if she’s so local, could you have a big walk together with all the dogs and maybe there’s a dog friendly village pub near to you both so you could all have a nice Christmas drink together and then when the dogs are knackered, leave them at SIL and go back to yours for dinner?

With our family, my parents host because they have the largest house. They have previously had dogs and big dog lovers but if all of us children brought our own dogs with us, we would have 6 dogs in my parents house and it would be chaos! It’s not viable.

We are all very local, within ten minutes drive of each other so since we’ve had dogs, we tend to do it that we to over and do Christmas dinner in the afternoon and spend some time then, and then DH comes home and feeds the dogs and walks them (and it gives him a family breather lol) and then comes back and we do games, drinks etc before heading back. We have breakfast at home on Christmas Day and spend time with the dogs, they are walked etc in the morning before going to parents early afternoon so all works!

i think if someone lives a long way away and can’t get the dog in a kennels and they are looking to stay overnight, then fine, that’s a question to ask. But they aren’t, they are local and it’s for a few hours, not an entire day.

It just sounds like they only want their own way and no compromise. If they’d turned around and said ‘oops, apologies we didn’t even think about it and assumed’ and then they tried to work with you on an alternative that would be different. But it’s really rude to message your DH saying that, very out of order.

I would reply, ‘ok-can you let us know which one of you will be hosting the ‘family’ Christmas this year and tell us what time we should arrive? I think it’s someone else’s turn now’

What do these people to help when you host?

Your MIL is batshit. Her dog needs to experience a family Christmas? WTAF?😂

Dogs aren't family, in spite of how some people treat them

Sometimes they're much nicer 😂

I have a dog. But I do feel fed up when family also bring their dogs here. I know - hypocritical. I don’t have a massive house.

Dogs are smelly and dirty. Also they don’t care that it’s Christmas.

Last Christmas we had four dogs in the house and it was stressful and I didn’t like it at all. Two of the dogs grumbled at each other, which was scary tbh. It was fine, but still.

But I’m a dog owner so I’m part of the problem!!!

Also my parents were bad with this with their (large breed) dogs. The dogs have since died, but they brought them everywhere. Including to my wedding! Left them in the car, but then interrupted me intermittently to ask where a good place to walk the dogs would be (!) and left very early for the dogs.

Where are they meant to go to the bathroom?

The bathroom? That's one clever mutt.

Our lovely dog died in November but I never assumed he could go to anybody else’s home , that said I always ask and in the last couple of years when he couldn’t be left alone at all we stayed home if we didn’t feel the situation was right for him where we were going . Hence YANBU .

If they normally bring their dogs to your house and the dogs all get on then I can kind of understand the assumption that it would be ok, but I would still have asked.

They are totally unreasonable stirring the shit though and asking your DH instead.

We take our dog to the in-laws at Christmas because otherwise we wouldn't be able to stay as long as Mil wants us to. He's small and very well-behaved but he doesn't really enjoy it. It's noisy, busy, usually too hot and there's food everywhere which is really overstimulating for him. Everyone loves him, and he gets lots of fuss, etc, but it's not that fun for him. If they lived closer, we would definitely leave him in the peace and quiet or just bring him for part of the day.

No you’re not being unreasonable and I would be the exact same. It’s totally absurd now that people take their dogs everywhere! They never used to!? It’s just odd

They should have all checked with you and not assumed. Sounds like they knew you wouldn't want them anyway so their assumption is more they thought they'd get their way

Your assumption of kennels is UR based on them all being full with longer boarders over Christmas. On leaving the dogs it really depends on how many hours you expect them to stay for plus travel time, how many they can be alone for which for puppies and a rescue may not be many

Im an owner of three dogs but i would absolutely never presume they would be welcome in someone else's home. I also don't appreciate it when people think they can bring their dogs to my house without asking. I find it absolutely pathetic that people don't seem to be able to go anywhere without them these days

@caninechristmasconundrum they are being assholes!! we have had two dogs all the time for the last 40 years and have never taken them to anyone's home!! the dogs will be totally fine at home. incidentally ours are not caged but they need to make sure that things are high up and chairs are away from worktops and kitchen bin is emptied!! close all doors and they will be fine in utility room

YANBU. We have the same - also 3 dogs in the family! Of course; it’s ALWAYS the ones with the badly behaved dogs who want to bring them everywhere - just total lack of consideration for others.

I never take my dog to other people's houses unless invited and I don't like other people's dogs in my house either. So I agree with you. They can leave their dogs at home. We leave ours for a maximum of 4 hours. If we can we nip home, let her out and return.

I think your DH's family are being really unreasonable to try and divide and conquer by trying to get him on side and set him against your wishes. And good on your DH for supporting you. Makes a change to hear on Mumsnet!