Everyone just assumed they can bring their dogs with them for Christmas day ??

[caninechristmasconundrum]

In the last year 3 members of our family have got dogs (2 puppies 1 older rescue) . We always host for Christmas and I (maybe stupidly) assumed that dogs go to kennels or stay at home for the day ? I’ve never had pets before so will admit I don’t know much ! I don’t see why a few hours at home / in a crate is bad for dogs though? We don’t live that far away.

Seems they all expected to bring their dogs with them ???

After BIL and SIL made this clear and told us that ILs will be the same about their rescue dog I’ve sent a message to everyone saying ‘Really sorry but I think there may have been some confusion on my part and I assumed the dogs would all be left at home on Christmas day. We are not able to have them here due to personal preference, lack of space and the dc are still so little. You’re all still very welcome but I understand if it’s going to be a problem leaving the dogs at home so let me know what you’d like to do xx’

DH got messages back asking is it because of my ‘germ ocd’ (in part it is that’s why I put personal preference) and telling him he has a say in it too as it’s not just my house. He replied that he assumed the same and although we have the biggest house it’s not exactly huge and having 3 dogs there too will just be too much so he’s in total agreement with me (they aren’t small breeds and the puppies are at that into everything zooming about stage)

Is this the norm now that dogs go everywhere and are never left home for a few hours ? AIBU to want a dog free Christmas ?!

That’s the thing though isn’t it.

I grew up with dogs and I’ve always had my own as an adult. Out of all those dogs, I can only think of one who would have been absolutely fine and relaxed at someone else’s house for an event like Christmas, with lots of noise, new people, new smells, different rules, not knowing where to ask to go out for the loo, not having thier usual safe space to sleep, and maybe other dogs there to contend with.

All the others, and certainly the dog I have now, would have been utterly stressed and miserable in that situation and it would have been far better for them to be left at home in their own quiet space for a few hours after a nice long run/play to tire them out.

People can be nuts about dogs and have lost sight about what it’s actually the kindest thing for them in these situations.

YANBU. Some people expect that their dogs go where they go and can’t understand other people don’t see it like that! In my experience (just from what we’ve seen with friends and family like this) it’s these dogs who aren’t as well trained as well because they’re so spoiled. Do you see people taking their cats everywhere? We have rabbits, should I start turning up with them?

Our preference is no dogs in the house. My DH is more steadfast about it than me as he just doesn’t like dogs. We have a few family members and friends who just turned up with their dogs when we first moved in and then got upset when we asked them not to bring them in the house. We also asked them not to put them in the garden because we have our pet rabbits out there and the dogs antagonise them and it’s cruel. They don’t visit as much now, or for as long when they do because they can’t bring their dogs. If we were hosting them for Christmas I’d absolutely have no dogs as a rule. But I feel they wouldn’t come because of that! So be prepared for the drama OP.

Alternatively, we have friends who wouldn’t dream of bringing their dog over, crate him when we go round to their house, and he is the most well trained dog I’ve met and when we go out with them for walks etc he never puts a paw wrong. In fact, out of all the dogs he’s the one I wouldn’t mind on Christmas Day as they’d bring him over and he’d be in his crate well behaved, probably go for a walk at some point and that’s it.

YANBU. We have friends (multiple couples) in who are childless by choice and they have replaced children with small, badly trained dogs who are treated like babies and expected to go everywhere. One couple even showed up with their puppy without asking when I had a newborn.

Yanbu. People raise their dogs like children now and consequently many if not most have 0 boundaries and separation anxiety.

But but but, you're forgetting that the dog needs to experience a family Christmas!!! He's been looking forward to it for months! Can't you see how that obviously overrides any and all desires of the person putting in the effort to host!

FFs. Ridiculous.

I’ve never grown up with dogs but I like dogs. I’d like to have a dog perhaps in the future but we don’t have the right lifestyle right now or the funds to support one.

Pisses me off when people take their dogs everywhere. Cafes, shops etc. I’m in a work WhatsApp group and most of them have dogs, newish puppies and all they ever post about is their dogs. Dogs in the field, dog with new coat, dog with new food bowl, dog with Christmas bib, dog with Father Xmas… gets in my nerves so I’ve muted the chat. I like dogs but come on!

I once had a family member turn up to the house with their boxer puppy. It was summer so we all sat in the garden. Family member was really annoyed that we would not let it in the house. No I don’t want your puppy pissing and running around everywhere thanks.

I know! It's been opening it's Advent Calendar and everything.

Dog lover and owner here - but I would never assume my dogs would be welcome unless expressly told so up front. Moreover, young dogs and rescues are likely to be made very anxious by being taken to a strange place with a larger number of people than they are used to, so I wouldn’t even inflict it on mine (they’re spaniels and a little prone to anxiousness as a breed).

If they are just coming over for 3-4 hours for lunch, the dogs should be perfectly okay to be left alone for that period/crated. i make a point of leaving mine for a few hours a day so that they are adjusted to it.

I am pleased your husband backed you up though. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

ETA and re the germ thing - we had our house altered (hard floors/tiling throughout the downstairs) precisely because we are a bit OCD as a family due to several autistic/ADHD family members. If you have not got pets, you will not have decorated your house accordingly and there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting anyones pets all over your carpets and soft furnishings, esp with small children.

The 'I have to bring my dog he's our fur bay-be' brigade would disagree.
The PP wasn't saying a dog is like a baby, she was saying if you choose to get a dog you have to accept that it will impact what you can and can't do, not assume that everyone will welcome your dog with open arms. In the same way that if you have a baby you have to plan for it's care.

We did broadly take our dog everywhere, before she died. But we had certain friends who didn’t like dogs, had small children, had cats etc etc and we would never have dreamed of taking her there. YANBU. Dogs and small children are a recipe for disaster. Stick to your guns.

YANBU. I come from a big dog family, so we do all tend to bring our dogs when visiting or spending Christmas at my Mums. But if I were going to a dog-free house for Christmas or any other occasion no way would I assume I could bring my dog. Puppies are a nightmare as well and even house trained ones can still have accidents in an unfamiliar environment.

YANBU!!

I like dogs, but I don’t want them in my house. Why can’t they leave them at home and arrange a dog walker/pop home to walk them quickly?

My dad brings his dog everytime he comes to see me as she has anxiety and can’t be left alone. She cries and wimpers when my dad goes in a different room at my house! We have to stay in the kitchen too as shes prone to accidents/jumps up and expect to be on the sofa/furniture (like shes used to at her home).

Dogs should be able to be left home alone for a few hours or theres something extremely wrong going on. Owners need to accept getting a dog means you have to compromise your lifestyle, and find/pay for solutions for the dog such as daycare/walkers/or shorter trips.

Not looking forward to the conversation we’ll have to have when DD who is due in February starts to grab/crawl etc as I don’t want her around an anxious cocker spaniel.

I’ve not RTFT, but some people are just batshit about dogs since Covid.

There was a thread a few months ago where people were saying that if, in a life or death situation, they had to choose between their “furbaby” and their actual human child they wouldn’t be able to.

My personal theory is that soooo many people got lockdown puppies that it’s formed some kind of subculture and they are all normalising this kind of behaviour in an echo chamber. The problem is, as a society how do we reset at this stage?

my in-laws decided we couldn’t take our dog round last year as it would be too much with our nephew now being born, plus they already have 2 dogs themselves. We decided we’d prefer to not leave the dog home for long periods of time so did a Christmas morning visit with them, no dog, some tea and biscuits for an hour - an hour and a half and then went home to spend the day with our dog. We totally understand we can’t take our dog everywhere and sometimes she must be left so we compromised and met in the middle. I don’t think either is unreasonable. Though if my inlaws hadn’t specifically told us they’d prefer us not to take her, we would have arrived with her as we usually take her over when we visit as she loves them and their dogs and vice versa, it was just this occasion that the rules altered slightly. Communication is important!

Yanbu and I say that as an owner of 2 gsds. We are seeing my parent for a while on Xmas day and our dogs will be left in the house. Parents are 5mins away so not far. Boxing Day we are going to my pils for a few days to stay and they have 3 dogs and our 2 will be delighted to get to see them again as they all get on so well. Stick to your guns op it's your house so you decide what goes. If your family members don't like it they can have Xmas at their own house with their pets

People can be nuts about dogs and have lost sight about what it’s actually the kindest thing for them in these situations.

This, absolutely.

Of course it is! Did you actually read what I said? Having a child and getting a dog are absolutely comparable in terms of how much your life changes.

That isn't to say a child is the same as a dog. Which I also clearly said.

I don't have a dog because I don't like them that much. Would I have someone else's dog in my house? Not a chance.

Absolutely agree. Some of them have very boisterous dogs at home too, so they think their toddlers are accustomed to dogs, personally I think they are way too trusting of their own dogs too. As this was a very laid back dog (compared to theirs) they very wrongly assumed all was ok.

YANBU I wouldn’t have dogs in my home either

Sadly, all too often we've seen the tragic outcomes of not separating babies, toddlers and dogs.

YANBU OP, as a dog owner, they is the sort of question you have to ask first (with no expectation that your host will say yes).

Btw excepting dogs within extreme separation anxiety, it’s completely the norm to leave adult dogs alone for up to 4 or even 5 hours at a time. You make sure they’ve had a good walk before you leave them (so they can get out all the pee and poo) and are in a safe comfortable place where they can move around (kitchen or utility etc) with access to fresh water and the vast majority are fine. Some dogs are even left alone for a full working day (8 hours) if they are used to it. Dogs have no idea it’s Christmas 🤣 - they will be happy just having the treat of a bit of turkey in their dinner, though they’ll have no idea why they’ve been that lucky!

However young puppies or dogs who aren’t used to living together cannot be left alone for hours unsupervised (so no leaving them all at SIL’s). If your other family live further away and still want to come, they will just have to accept it will have to be for a few hours only (or see if any local dog sitters still have availability to pop in once to check on the dogs/let them out to toilet).

Jesus Christ.

Would you expect your dog to attend a wedding? A funeral? A baptism? A primary school nativity play?

@Pawparazzi if you had a partner or friend who wasn't invited to an event, would you just bring them anyway?
In any case you say "simples" so I'd probably be fine without your company.