He left me in city centre…

[Craics90]

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

In your place i would accidentally "lose" your keys and get a new set.

I would call Womens aid which is also in ireland for advice.
Tell them he is an angry, highly abusive coke head who has left you and the children.
Tell Womens aid about his threats re the home.
Get the name of a good solicitor.
Ask Womens aid should you log his abuse with the gardai as you are nervous of him and he is a coke head.
Get as much information together about how to protect yourself.

Tell EVERYONE that he is an angry coke head and you are terrified.
Get the information out there.

We are here for you.

We've son and partner arrived from the Leeds area. In the last month there's been three rapes at bus stops. Two young girls rescued in separate properties who were being traded as sex slaves. Two girls who got into what they thought was an Uber, they've vanished. One young girls body found on an industrial estate.

The only reason sons partner knows this is because she's from a large family with relatives who work in the police, NHS and social services.

Not a whisper made in the media. Not a warning issued.

Wouldn't surprise me if Dublin wasn't similar.

All best wishes to you and your children free of this waste of space. Be sure to plan lovely things, however simple, for yourself— you deserve it.

@justasking111 Ah I'd believe it all too well. There is so much that happens so close to home and it's never on the news! They have the 'Protect your Daughter, Educate your Son' Campaign close to me. But all too often, it's men we are also familiar with. It's heart breaking that us females have to worry in (almost) 2025 about vicious predators who could take it all from us

@Jimjamssy Thank you for your kindness, it means so much.

You're all fantastic.

I’m so proud of you @Craics90 .
You deserve so much better than him! If he starts getting aggy remember you have your family, friends and we are only a message away. We will get you through this X

Most crimes against women, including murder , are committed by the spouse or intimate partners, or family members. Sad to think you’re in most danger from those who are supposed to care about you. Abusers are most dangerous when you try to leave, but you did well and he just went. Expect him to try to get back sooner or later. Don’t fall for any crap.

Fantastic, OP! Well done, you! The rest of your life beckons! I am so glad you've got rid of the abusive little rat, and that your dad knows the story. Hugs xxx

I would be a large supporter of Womens Aid. Friends and I would do a lot of our coffee mornings/silly nights etc for Women's Aid.

I haven't been there about myself because I think there are so many other women who are much more desperate and deserving of their help.

I've a good set of brothers, SIL's, mam, da & friends behind me, and my lovely little ones who keep me smiling every day.

I've a decent job, decent enough pay, money in the bank, food in the cupboards and warm clothes. I'm counting my blessings, I think reading your messages has made me realise just how unhappy I have been.

Solicitor app is Monday morning, Da is coming as he's friendly with the man 🤞🏼

I haven't cried yet. I do feel sad but some part of me feels like my stress has all been lifted.

And again, to you all - I cannot thank you enough for all of your kind words and messages that I have received.

I know Christmas is never smooth sailing, but I hope you all have a good one. Please know you'll all be in my thoughts. 🌟💖

I think the media is being barred from reporting the soaring crime rates in all towns and cities against vulnerable people, especially women, OAP’s and children.

Happy Christmas OP! You definitely deserve it.

So glad to hear this waste of space has gone. As Greg Lake says ...

Hallelujah, Noel be it heaven or hell
The Christmas we get we deserve

I hope he gets what he deserves.

Well done OP, glad you have taken the first step and are already feeling less stressed.
I really hope that he just gets on with the separation now and doesn't start silly games. Best of luck to you, hope you and your kids have a great Christmas.

What does Da/DA stand for? I thought Dear Aunt, but you say 'he'?

Daddy, dad

You should talk to Womens aid. Well fed, comfortably- living women get abused just as much as those in poverty and it’s not just a physical thing. They are just as deserving. It’s practical advice plus it strengthens your case against him to have abuse on record with them. They have seen it all before. They will know what to expect, the best ways to deal. A lot of the legal and practical stuff.
You will grieve the loss of the relationship you thought you would have. Crying is normal and will probably hit you when you aren’t looking.

I hope you have a happy Christmas with your Da and family, knowing the New Year will be the first year stepping into a better future

Oh ok, but wouldn't it be DD though in that case? Just trying to figure out where the A comes into it.

We're talking about a D notice then.which is a huge abuse of it's original intention.

"D-Notice - Wikipedia" https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/D-Notice

It's Irish if that's any help.

@IdylicDay sorry I mean daddy

It’s not a Mumsnet acronym. It’s just the way (some) Irish people say Dad/Father.

It's what we Scots and Irish call our dads. Da. Our ma and da 😊

It's not an acronym it's just dad shortened.

.

Three weeks ago you know he took off with my wedding and engagement ring to be cleaned up. Nice surprise thing to do he said, nice for Christmas. I wonder had he all this planned a while? Leaving me but couldn't quite do the job?

Maybe new lady friend will appear wearing them (lol), if not I'll be running down to the jeweller, picking them up, selling them on and getting myself something lovely.

Best friend and SIL are staying with me, they've saged the house - I've made myself scarce 🙈

Cool. Thanks! I don't know much about Ireland (or the UK) so that's interesting. Da does make sense when said with ma.

Do you know what place he said he was taking them to, to be cleaned up?