Page 19 | He left me in city centre…

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 19:10

Honestlyhonee · 15/12/2024 18:33

@WendyA22 apparently there is a new rule on mumsnet that if you quote an op’s post more than one time you get a ban. Hopefully you’re safe 🤞

Edited

Where did you see that?!

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 19:12

xTheLoudLeaderx · 15/12/2024 18:52

I’ve read a lot of the thread but not all of it. Sorry… he mocks your clothing ? What the hell ?
If you locked him out of his house because you had a fall out that’s not really fair although I get it.
Its not fair he came back with other people either but there seems to be some crazy stuff going on this time of year.
You sound like you’re both in a rut and going out probably isn’t helping you. Don’t you think you should be out celebrating ? Not arguing and getting left ? It’s time to take control - surely you don’t want this ?

Well maybe you should read all of the OP's posts at least - you might make a more considered comment if you did.

Anoisagusaris · 15/12/2024 19:17

He sounds like an absolute dick head but am I right in saying he left you at 7pm? Why didn’t you just get a bus home? Dublin at 7pm is fine.

xTheLoudLeaderx · 15/12/2024 19:18

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting what comment was out of order ? I will read the rest of the posts but I stopped when I read the OP said her partner mocked her clothing - that’s really upsetting !

pestoblush · 15/12/2024 19:20

The previous posters said it www crazy and buses were all full … the whole point of the thread isn’t about public transport but the treatment of her husband

DreamTheMoors · 15/12/2024 19:20

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 17:02

@ForTicklishSquid yes, DD is 3 and DS is 18 months.

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When I was 3, my dad was saying horrible things to my mother in front of me because he was sure I wouldn’t understand.
He was right - I didn’t understand, but he forgot that children have memories.
I still remember the disgusting & abhorrent words my father said to my mother.
Don’t for one minute think your elder child isn’t absorbing all the negativity your husband is bringing into your home.
GET OUT.
My mum stayed and we kids paid for it. Please don’t make that same mistake with your sweet children.

NovemberMorn · 15/12/2024 19:22

WendyA22 · 15/12/2024 18:27

You've both had shit time by the sounds of it. My husband would have absolutely hated traipsing around the markets before the pub crawl and probably would have moa Ed.

But he is also a really good husband the rest of the time. What's yours like for the rest of the time? Everyone saying leave him without even knowing you, just sounds a bit drastic.

You're right to be pissed off with him, but is it really marriage ending stuff?

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I thought that at the beginning of the thread. I have noticed that some posters screech 'Leave the bastard' if the poor man looks at his partner in the wrong way.

But reading on, I reckon the OP has had a lot more to put up with than one nasty drunken episode, that possibly could have been forgiven.

Missmarplesknittingbuddy · 15/12/2024 19:24

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 14:43

He’s usually a pretty good fella. He doesn’t help around the house but he would do a lot with the children and is very involved. He would be very kind to me but I would always feel in my heart that I’m walking on egg shells and if something came up like an argument he would tell me to move out or he doesn’t like me or care. But that all stopped and he was back to the same man I fell in love with. He makes fun of how I speak daily and he and his friends use it as the butt of their jokes. He would also say that my clothes are brutal or compare me to Michael Jackson etc. he thinks it’s funny despite me telling him it annoys me. He would stop the world for me aside from all of this normally, and would be very in touch with how I’m feeling and how he could cheer me up or do something to help me out. However, maybe I’m just confused. The more I think about it he’s always been a bit of a dick toward me. Someone made a fat joke about me in the pub a few weeks back and he laughed. He wouldn’t stick up for me. I’m a 10/12 and 5ft 5. I’m by no means perfect or skinny but I wouldn’t describe myself as fat. Maybe a little jiggly lol

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You have said a few times that he isn't a bad guy but your description of his behaviour shouts abuse, pre dating this episode .
Either something has changed recently for him , eg an affair, or he has been waving smaller red flags for sometime and now he isn't even trying to hide his true self .
If this was an absolute one off , maybe fuelled by use of drink or drugs , followed by a sincere apology , maybe I could forgive , but this was planned and his response regarding it being your fault if you had been attacked is beyond unforgivable.
His behaviour seems to be escalating rapidly , so when you make plans to leave make you do so safely.

Missmarymack2 · 15/12/2024 19:27

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

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He sounds like an incredibly self-entitled and spoiled individual. So sorry that you have been treated like this. It’s not acceptable behaviour.

TheBiggestMuffInCheshire · 15/12/2024 19:33

DreamTheMoors · 15/12/2024 19:20

When I was 3, my dad was saying horrible things to my mother in front of me because he was sure I wouldn’t understand.
He was right - I didn’t understand, but he forgot that children have memories.
I still remember the disgusting & abhorrent words my father said to my mother.
Don’t for one minute think your elder child isn’t absorbing all the negativity your husband is bringing into your home.
GET OUT.
My mum stayed and we kids paid for it. Please don’t make that same mistake with your sweet children.

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Oh Lord, This in spades.
I remember my Dad screaming at my DM that she was "frigid". It was years later that I found out what it actually meant.
Get away from him OP, things will only get worse.

thestudio · 15/12/2024 19:44

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 14:43

He’s usually a pretty good fella. He doesn’t help around the house but he would do a lot with the children and is very involved. He would be very kind to me but I would always feel in my heart that I’m walking on egg shells and if something came up like an argument he would tell me to move out or he doesn’t like me or care. But that all stopped and he was back to the same man I fell in love with. He makes fun of how I speak daily and he and his friends use it as the butt of their jokes. He would also say that my clothes are brutal or compare me to Michael Jackson etc. he thinks it’s funny despite me telling him it annoys me. He would stop the world for me aside from all of this normally, and would be very in touch with how I’m feeling and how he could cheer me up or do something to help me out. However, maybe I’m just confused. The more I think about it he’s always been a bit of a dick toward me. Someone made a fat joke about me in the pub a few weeks back and he laughed. He wouldn’t stick up for me. I’m a 10/12 and 5ft 5. I’m by no means perfect or skinny but I wouldn’t describe myself as fat. Maybe a little jiggly lol

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Oh god OP you can't imagine how this all sounds to someone on the outside. This man is a bad, bad man who has damaged you so much that you can't even see it.

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 19:51

xTheLoudLeaderx · 15/12/2024 19:18

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting what comment was out of order ? I will read the rest of the posts but I stopped when I read the OP said her partner mocked her clothing - that’s really upsetting !

I didn't say it was "out of order" - it was ill-informed.

Bumcake · 15/12/2024 19:58

Man sounds like a complete ballbag. I pray he has the hangover from hell, and that you find the strength to leave him.

justasking111 · 15/12/2024 19:58

WendyA22 · 15/12/2024 18:27

You've both had shit time by the sounds of it. My husband would have absolutely hated traipsing around the markets before the pub crawl and probably would have moa Ed.

But he is also a really good husband the rest of the time. What's yours like for the rest of the time? Everyone saying leave him without even knowing you, just sounds a bit drastic.

You're right to be pissed off with him, but is it really marriage ending stuff?

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You've set a very low bar for yourself.

He's more interested in the drugs hit than his wife and family

Nikki75 · 15/12/2024 20:00

Can you make plans to leave him because you are worth so much more than this behavior.
You deserve love and respect not this disgusting behaviour your crazy to put up with this .

Tereseta · 15/12/2024 20:02

Get legal advice and try to focus on getting all your finances in order. He is never going to change, no you are tied in with children he is showing you who he is. Take notice and leave, but leave prepared

wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting · 15/12/2024 20:03

Tereseta · 15/12/2024 20:02

Get legal advice and try to focus on getting all your finances in order. He is never going to change, no you are tied in with children he is showing you who he is. Take notice and leave, but leave prepared

^ This!

And under no circumstances get pregnant again in the meantime!!

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 15/12/2024 20:10

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 02:32

Went in to City Centre today for DH’s birthday. A few of his friends had also arranged to go in today. I asked if he’d prefer to go out with said friends and he repeatedly said no.

Queue 4pm when he began acting like a total arse to me. We went to the usual Christmas market, had some food, waded our way through the crowds to get anywhere and went on a bar crawl.

He’s useless with directions so I usually guide us between bars etc. I asked him multiple times where he wanted to go next and he kept saying that he didn’t mind.

Went to his favourite bar, queued for 40 mins to get inside, got one drink. Whilst standing basically the toilet door, people slamming in to us spilling drink down my back I asked if he wanted to maybe go somewhere more local where we could actually get to the bar and have a dance?

He stormed out of the bar rambling on that I should have stayed at home, even though I spent weeks planning the night and booking in to his favourite restaurant which he made me cancel last night costing me 80£ for late cancellation!

I tried calling him and he told me to F off and said he didn’t care how I got home because I’m not his problem. Therefore, leaving me stranded in the city. Every taxi I stopped was booked and I had to call my elderly dad to come and get me. I felt like such a dick.

Obviously DH had this planned so he could go off and meet friends instead of just saying in the first place. I am so hurt.

He has just came home bashing the door with three others trying to get in and I haven’t opened it. First of all I was asleep and they woke me with the banging, but second of all - bringing people back here when he knows I would be in bed?

AIBU for not opening the door?

Your HUSBAND told you to eff off and that he doesn’t care how you get home cos you’re not his problem? Bin him. What an absolute arsehole

Plastictrees · 15/12/2024 20:10

DreamTheMoors · 15/12/2024 19:20

When I was 3, my dad was saying horrible things to my mother in front of me because he was sure I wouldn’t understand.
He was right - I didn’t understand, but he forgot that children have memories.
I still remember the disgusting & abhorrent words my father said to my mother.
Don’t for one minute think your elder child isn’t absorbing all the negativity your husband is bringing into your home.
GET OUT.
My mum stayed and we kids paid for it. Please don’t make that same mistake with your sweet children.

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This is very true. Also even when they’re pre-verbal, research shows that very young babies and children get stressed by negative interactions in their environment and this has an impact on their developing brains and nervous systems. Children and babies learn about safety from infancy onwards, and witnessing abuse absolutely has an impact.

I hope the OP gets out.

AskJateace · 15/12/2024 20:12

You did the right thing! After his little temper tantrum, abandoning you, and blatant disrespect, not only should he not have access to where you live, but he shouldn't have access to you at all anymore either. He put you in a dangerous situation by leaving you to find your own way home. That was childish and so disrespectful, that for me, that would be grounds for a divorce. I don't like to encourage divorce, however, he didn't even apologize after the fact and is still pretending not to care that he left you. It's one thing to get upset, or yell. It's a totally different matter when he's showing you how indifferent he was about leaving you all alone and in possible danger. A man who truly cares would never do that. He's immature and has completely lost his mind to lash out at you telling you to "F OFF" when an apology was due. It shows that he has no remorse and could care less about your safety. I don't want to tell you what to do in this matter, but if I were you, I'd be calling an attorney.

Original poster

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 20:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

@ForTicklishSquid yes my friends are here now. I’ve told them all to make it a little easier when everything falls to shite

OP posts:

LT1233 · 15/12/2024 20:29

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 12:28

@MatildaTheCat oh absolutely, white powder galore with that lot. Which is why I didn’t want to be around them. I’ve never known DH to engage with any of that but then I’ve never known DH to do a lot of things that he’s done.

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Soon as I read your post I knew straight away. He engineered the fight because he couldn't face an evening not on the bags. These fuckers will put bags above everything else. He talks to you like shit because when that stuff has a grip of you, you turn into a demon. Ultimatum time.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 15/12/2024 20:42

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 12:44

@2025willbemytime my dad is disgusted. They’ve been really close up until last night. He then had a go at me this morning for getting my dad to bring me home as how dare I tell him what happened

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Oh, I bet your 'D'H doesn't like that one bit - abusive people never do. They want you keep their behaviour secret out of shame, but the shame is theirs and theirs alone.

GreatScroller · 15/12/2024 20:43

He sounds like a very mean spirited person and perhaps you’ve become a bit blind to the cruel comments and unkind behaviour. You really do sound like you could do better and likely will realise once you’ve left the bastard what an absolute dick he is. Good luck 🤞 for the future ❤️

jannier · 15/12/2024 20:49

Craics90 · 15/12/2024 10:02

@Missmarymack2 I’ll never get an apology because he never apologies. He turns it all on me. I wasn’t keen on queuing for 40 minutes either, but as it’s what’s he wanted to do that’s what I did.

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That's the start of there is more To it....he never apologises