A nasty card given to child

[Ssvic]

I just found a card tucked away in my daughter’s drawer. It says “no one likes you or cares about you”. She’s 9 years old. Schools have broken up so can’t talk to the teacher. I have the mums contact details as we are on class WhatsApp. I have never spoken to her. What would you do? Ignore and talk to school in January or send the mum a picture of the card? What would you do? I spoke to dd who got very quiet and said he’s naughty. I asked her if she would like me to tell the school
snd she said yes she’s never mentioned this boy before. Sorry for typos, my phone screen is not working properly

Suitably non-accusatory. Good for you.

Good on you for contacting her, If it was my child I would want to know and I could deal with it accordingly. You were dead right not waiting, your poor little girl receiving something so horribly nasty.

I think you did the right thing messaging the mother. I personally couldn’t have waited until the new year and the boy sending this card knew there’d be a gap between Christmas and January. Why should he have a lovely Christmas?

I was one of those children a bit like yours OP with 2 best friends but we had huge birthday parties at my house every year and I was friendly with all the other children in the class.

Definitely contact the mum. School I'd tell as well, but more important to tell the mum. She will likely be shocked and it will be good to have time over the hols to work on things with her child. Telling school is too indirect, you can't be certain they'll tell the mum at all and in any case it will all take too long. Just be honest, empathetic and direct

Whoops just saw you did!
Sounds like you sent a good message

Just be prepared, @Ssvic . A boy destroyed some of my daughter’s property and I told the mum at the school gates. He burst into fake crying/wailing, and said he didn’t do it. She looked at me and said, “He says he didn’t do it.”

This mum may deny it.

I hope she doesn't try and say your dd was bullying him first. Some bully parents do that.

Well done op. I'm all for leaving it to school to sort when it's a he said/she said situation, but when you have clear proof of bullying yep always let the parents see exactiy what their dc have done. Hope your dd is ok.

If the mother does respond saying that your daughter said/did something first then just say something along the lines of recollections varying, so you'll leave it to school to sort and then don't have any more contact with her.

I don't think I could have waited weeks either. I would have done the same.
Merry Christmas 🤶

There's the hand-writing in the card. The other mum could only (rightly) deny it if the hand-writing isn't her son's.

Or in cases like mine the school does fuck all, so the parents have to get involved.

dont ask if your DD has done something awful.

OP I think you should email a photo of the card to the school. There may be staff there over the break, that's when they have training/meetings on certain days.

Id do this before contacting the other Mum. Advice Ive always had is to go through the school first. And let them contact the other mum.

Your Poor DD.
she wants you to tell the school.. can you have a look on their website, they should have published a policy on bullying which might help. Also there used to be a charity called Kidscape which has advice recourses you could look at.

Good on you for contacting the mother. Hopefully she’s decent enough to reprimand her child and respond to you.

But although she could produce evidence of her own DS's handwriting, if he is innocent, if he is the culprit, she's unlikely to volunteer anything to implicate him. Which is where school would come in useful, as they will have plenty of examples of his (and the other children's) handwriting.

Even so, he could have deliberately changed his handwriting and/or used his 'wrong' hand, depending on how devious and 'smart' he is.

I think you've done the right thing seeing as the schools are closed and it may come across as "too late" by the time January came round. Hope your little girl has a lovely day and forgets about that horrible card

Good for you OP. Waiting on her reply please share!

Put it in writing to the school as well, that way they have to tell ofsted what they're doing to counter this.

Your poor daughter. Please surround her with love and happiness this Christmas (not that I doubt you're doing that already, I'm sure you are!), and to be honest I'd look into moving schools

Sorry I've just seen your update OP.
Understandable if you cant wait till January. I'd copy your message to the school in an email tho, so they know that you've dealt with it amicably.
I think your idea of distracting, and getting her together with a few friends is a really good idea as it will make the card seem much less important.
The link to Kidscape is https://www.kidscape.org.uk/advice/advice-for-young-people/
I hope you daughter has a lovely Christmas break, which will build her confidence for next term.

Send an image to school.

There is always someone covering any safeguarding issues even in holidays. They will pick it up. I wouldn't approach the other family.

You’d be surprised how far some parents will go with the ‘my precious darlings would never set a foot wrong’ narrative.

Sorry, what ? The child can be identified from the handwriting.

The boy maybe unhappy for any number of reasons, and he may be ill, as you say. But neither of these scenarios are an excuse to make the school life of another child miserable through bullying.

I agree that posting it on WhatsApp isn’t appropriate in any circumstance, but neither is excusing the behaviour for any reason.

Contact the school as well now in case the mum tries to get in first and say your dd has been bullying him.

Prepare a defence?

Sounds like you have done the right thing for your daughter.

I was upset when this happened to my child however some of the posters on here are just over the top. The kids are 9, not the fully formed product and so make mistakes and do stupid things Hopefully the Mum will deal with this now and, unless this is part of a consistent pattern of behaviour, no need to escalate further (OFsted?)