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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad that noone seems to care

158 replies

Feelingsad1987 · 14/12/2024 01:54

Just feeling really sad. This is pointless and just a rant, really.

Just had a difficult situation tonight. My partner is living in supportive accommodation. The staff are meant to make sure he takes his medication but they've not been doing so. Consequently he is now in psychosis.

Got an appointment for him on Wednesday with the psychiatrist. However, this afternoon he ended up being verbally aggressive to another resident. The police were called who just said 'there's nothing we can do'.

My partner then ended up at mine very confused and agitated. Said he was never going back to his accommodation as so paranoid and deluded about what is happening there. Then left mine refusing to say where he was going. I was very concerned about his welfare and the danger to other people so I phoned the police explained the situation and explained he needed to be found and taken to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can't do anything and I need to phone the ambulance. So I phone the ambulance who explain I need to phone the police as they can't drive around searching for him, but once the police find him they will attend. They tell me the police policy to quote to the police to convince them to help. So this time they take all the details.

A few hours later they phoned me back to say the 'inspector' wouldn't do anything as I had to do "all my checks' I asked what that meant. I had to speak to all his family and friends. I said that I had of course spoken to his mum and sister, they'd not seen him, but would call the police if he turned up there. He has no friends. I was then told his mum and sister have to do 'their checks'. I asked what they meant. I was told they needed to speak to all his family and friends. I explained again that he has no friends and his only family is his mum and sister. He is not with them. While this was happening he turned up at mine again and was very agitated and ran off when he realised I was talking to someone about him. 'We'll close things now that he's back home...' I explained this wasn't his home and that he'd ran off and he was still psychotic and dangerous. 'We can't do anything, we don't know where he is...' I told them the road he would be on after leaving mine. They then told me that I should be going out looking for him. I told them I have children so wasn't able to do that. They then told me I shouldn't have let him leave. Were really nasty about it. Said if he came back to keep him there.

A couple more hours then they phone me back to tell me they aren't going to do anything as they have spoken to the 'nurse' at his supported accommodation and they have said they have no concerns, that he often goes out and will be back by 11. I have to explain to the police there are no nurses it is a carer with no expertise in mental health. And one who clearly had no handover as they certainly had concerns when he was being aggressive to another resident. I also have to explain again he has said he will not go back there. The police tell me well 'they've let him out' so he must be ok. I have to explain to them it is supported accommodation not prison and he is free to come and go, there is no mechanism for them to not 'let him out'. 'Well, we can't do anything. If he comes back you need to keep him here and phone an ambulance. I explain I'm frightened of letting him in he is highly likely to hurt me. 'Oh well, anyone might hurt you, you don't know he's going to.'

He turns up again. I let him in and manage to calm him and explain I need to phone an ambulance. He gets very agitated. I phone the ambulance, they hear my screams and send the police. Police arrive and I explain how unwell he is. I ask them to take him to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can only do that if my partner confirms himself that he is a danger to himself and others. They say they'll drop him at A&E. I ask what to do when he comes back from there...oh well phone us...

Not one police officer seemed to care at all. I understand sometimes their hands are tied but they just didn't seem to care atall. And the way they would just confidently state complete rubbish and when you pointed it out it didn't seem to have any impact. It was their way or the highway. No matter how much ignorance it was based on or how much danger people would be put in. It didn't matter to them.

OP posts:
Beentheresomanytimes · 19/12/2024 21:12

Really sorry to read this OP, I hope you are okay. Such a worry. There is so much short-sightedness in these situations. So many could be de-escalated with the right approach early on. It's agony as a by-stander. I really hope some of the good guys find him and that he gets some help (and you some peace) soon Flowers

Feelingsad1987 · 20/12/2024 22:32

Beentheresomanytimes · 19/12/2024 21:12

Really sorry to read this OP, I hope you are okay. Such a worry. There is so much short-sightedness in these situations. So many could be de-escalated with the right approach early on. It's agony as a by-stander. I really hope some of the good guys find him and that he gets some help (and you some peace) soon Flowers

Thank you, that's kind.

They have found him now and he's in hospital so will be on the mend soon, thank goodness!

OP posts:
Beentheresomanytimes · 20/12/2024 22:37

Oh that's great news, must be such a weight off your mind. Well done for persevering.
Hope you all manage a peaceful Christmas 🎄

MysteriousInspector · 20/12/2024 22:47

So pleased at this outcome.

Just a note from personal experience that often no-one seems to care what the sufferer themself is experiencing. No-one has ever asked me, during or afterwards, if I was frightened, for example.
(Not meaning you, of course.)

Beentheresomanytimes · 20/12/2024 23:02

And it must be so frightening @MysteriousInspector. Especially as the quality of care varies so massively. I feel really lucky I've never been ill enough to be hospitalised, although I have had anxiety quite badly and reacted quite badly to medication before now, where I've believed some really odd things were happening. Thankfully very short-lived. I can't imagine what it's like to be in such a vulnerable head space and suddenly be confined with lots of other traumatised and disturbed strangers. I just wanted sane people and family around me!

Being hospitalised against your will is trauma on top of trauma. I really hope that now there is more appreciation and evidence of the role of trauma, more people will be approached and cared for with this in mind.

Notnewbutveryold · 21/12/2024 08:29

I am so sorry to hear this story. I work in this area as well and just want to echo what others have said that the higher ups in the police have decided it’s not their job but ambulances also feel it is not their job.

just a response to those saying that the police have to stay with people for hours on a Section 136, this is not true if the patient is taken to a 136 suite they literally drop them off. If there is any concern that the patient is injured or hurt themselves and they have to go to A&E then the police do have to stay because A&E has open doors so patients can leave.

So glad he is in hospital, sounds like he can relapse quite quickly if he misses medication., if he is on a Section 3 he might agree to a Community Treatment Order that can help him get into hospital faster. They can divide opinion but if your local police are not aware of Section 136, this might be a way to get them on board if he becomes unwell again.

Feelingsad1987 · 22/12/2024 12:46

Beentheresomanytimes · 20/12/2024 23:02

And it must be so frightening @MysteriousInspector. Especially as the quality of care varies so massively. I feel really lucky I've never been ill enough to be hospitalised, although I have had anxiety quite badly and reacted quite badly to medication before now, where I've believed some really odd things were happening. Thankfully very short-lived. I can't imagine what it's like to be in such a vulnerable head space and suddenly be confined with lots of other traumatised and disturbed strangers. I just wanted sane people and family around me!

Being hospitalised against your will is trauma on top of trauma. I really hope that now there is more appreciation and evidence of the role of trauma, more people will be approached and cared for with this in mind.

These are some very important points.

I have been in this situation myself. For myself the worst thing was the ongoing sexual assault by the men on the ward.

OP posts:
Feelingsad1987 · 22/12/2024 12:50

Notnewbutveryold · 21/12/2024 08:29

I am so sorry to hear this story. I work in this area as well and just want to echo what others have said that the higher ups in the police have decided it’s not their job but ambulances also feel it is not their job.

just a response to those saying that the police have to stay with people for hours on a Section 136, this is not true if the patient is taken to a 136 suite they literally drop them off. If there is any concern that the patient is injured or hurt themselves and they have to go to A&E then the police do have to stay because A&E has open doors so patients can leave.

So glad he is in hospital, sounds like he can relapse quite quickly if he misses medication., if he is on a Section 3 he might agree to a Community Treatment Order that can help him get into hospital faster. They can divide opinion but if your local police are not aware of Section 136, this might be a way to get them on board if he becomes unwell again.

Yes, we have a 136 suite here so they drop them off. The police may have decided this is not their job but clearly it is as they are the only ones with the power of 136.

He did get put on a CTO when he came out of hospital last time but they were very quick to remove it in my opinion. Not sure exactly why.

OP posts:
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