To feel sad that noone seems to care

[Feelingsad1987]

Just feeling really sad. This is pointless and just a rant, really.

Just had a difficult situation tonight. My partner is living in supportive accommodation. The staff are meant to make sure he takes his medication but they've not been doing so. Consequently he is now in psychosis.

Got an appointment for him on Wednesday with the psychiatrist. However, this afternoon he ended up being verbally aggressive to another resident. The police were called who just said 'there's nothing we can do'.

My partner then ended up at mine very confused and agitated. Said he was never going back to his accommodation as so paranoid and deluded about what is happening there. Then left mine refusing to say where he was going. I was very concerned about his welfare and the danger to other people so I phoned the police explained the situation and explained he needed to be found and taken to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can't do anything and I need to phone the ambulance. So I phone the ambulance who explain I need to phone the police as they can't drive around searching for him, but once the police find him they will attend. They tell me the police policy to quote to the police to convince them to help. So this time they take all the details.

A few hours later they phoned me back to say the 'inspector' wouldn't do anything as I had to do "all my checks' I asked what that meant. I had to speak to all his family and friends. I said that I had of course spoken to his mum and sister, they'd not seen him, but would call the police if he turned up there. He has no friends. I was then told his mum and sister have to do 'their checks'. I asked what they meant. I was told they needed to speak to all his family and friends. I explained again that he has no friends and his only family is his mum and sister. He is not with them. While this was happening he turned up at mine again and was very agitated and ran off when he realised I was talking to someone about him. 'We'll close things now that he's back home...' I explained this wasn't his home and that he'd ran off and he was still psychotic and dangerous. 'We can't do anything, we don't know where he is...' I told them the road he would be on after leaving mine. They then told me that I should be going out looking for him. I told them I have children so wasn't able to do that. They then told me I shouldn't have let him leave. Were really nasty about it. Said if he came back to keep him there.

A couple more hours then they phone me back to tell me they aren't going to do anything as they have spoken to the 'nurse' at his supported accommodation and they have said they have no concerns, that he often goes out and will be back by 11. I have to explain to the police there are no nurses it is a carer with no expertise in mental health. And one who clearly had no handover as they certainly had concerns when he was being aggressive to another resident. I also have to explain again he has said he will not go back there. The police tell me well 'they've let him out' so he must be ok. I have to explain to them it is supported accommodation not prison and he is free to come and go, there is no mechanism for them to not 'let him out'. 'Well, we can't do anything. If he comes back you need to keep him here and phone an ambulance. I explain I'm frightened of letting him in he is highly likely to hurt me. 'Oh well, anyone might hurt you, you don't know he's going to.'

He turns up again. I let him in and manage to calm him and explain I need to phone an ambulance. He gets very agitated. I phone the ambulance, they hear my screams and send the police. Police arrive and I explain how unwell he is. I ask them to take him to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can only do that if my partner confirms himself that he is a danger to himself and others. They say they'll drop him at A&E. I ask what to do when he comes back from there...oh well phone us...

Not one police officer seemed to care at all. I understand sometimes their hands are tied but they just didn't seem to care atall. And the way they would just confidently state complete rubbish and when you pointed it out it didn't seem to have any impact. It was their way or the highway. No matter how much ignorance it was based on or how much danger people would be put in. It didn't matter to them.

Sadly not just MN!

Absolutely agree with this. Children should not be exposed to this.

@Feelingsad1987 I'm a lot better thank you. Luckily I have really good insight into my mental health hence I know when I need to increase my meds. My psychiatrist is the first one I've seen more than once since I was diagnosed 10 years ago. My 3 month review will be taking place at 7 months, IF they can get me an appointment, as 2 psychiatrists have just left . I feel for those who are in desperate need like your partner x

Some areas now have dedicated mental health paramedics but the problem is the sheer volume of these cases. The police could well be dealing with a large number of similar cases at one time in even a small town.

They aren't.

https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/aug/17/met-police-mental-health-calls-nhs-mark-rowley

This explains a little. Everybody is complaining the police are not being proactive when there are barely enough officers these days to provide a sufficient response to crime. Yet you’re taking those officers off the streets to sit in hospital waiting rooms for ten hours plus waiting for patients to be seen. What we really need is a role to bridge the gap. The police can section and take to a place of safety, no issue at all. It’s the ridiculous wait that follows that’s the problem currently. These people are ill, they need care, uniformed officers are currently providing this until they can be assessed and they are not the best people for this job. Any of them will happily agree with you.

I agree. Hence why the police should not have demanded I let him in to my house.

"You are taking these officers off the streets to sit in waiting rooms"

Who is "You"?

It isn't the OP who is responsible for waiting times.

In the OP's case it seems the police are refusing to even get involved with sectioning and taking to a place of safety. And yet they have time to dress up in rainbow glitter and fanny around with non-crime hate incidents.

That's really good that you are able to do that. Just annoying the system didn't play ball for you.

Yes, which is why it seems crazy that the police just want to faff around not achieving anything and wasting their own time.

Well if you read the comment, the people complaining that the police are no longer out preventing crime. As the op said, the police didn’t go out to her so how can she have taken anyone off the streets?

I am so sorry, the system is totally broken and not fit for purpose and too many vulnerable people fall between the cracks of different services

The police can only use Section 135 of the mental health act if the person is in any place of residence and to use Section 135 that a warrant needs to be applied for by a mental health practitioner.
They can use Section 136 if the person is in a public place, but only with a medical professionals advice. And they are not supposed to ask the person to step outside to chat and then immediately use Section 136!

There are such finely balanced laws around freedom and not depriving someone of their liberty, which is a good thing, but so many cracks for people who are unwell to fall between.

Most response police do spend a considerable amount of shifts shift looking for people in this type of situation and some constabularies are pushing back as it's not police work.

The failing is in social services and mental health services.

Under police powers they can detain someone under the Mental Health Act and take them to a 136 suite. This is very much a police role and they should have been a hell of a lot more proactive with the OPs partner.
I can't believe the buck passing that has gone on, OP I am so sorry and horrified that this has been your experience

But how many hours are the police expected to put in for a case like this? The OPs partner is roaming the streets. It’s needle in a haystack stuff - he returned to OP, but then immediately went awol again. It’s really sad for the OP and she’s doing an amazing job looking out for him, but in all honesty I would take a step back, especially as she has children. He has his mother and sister, and they need to manage the situation with him.

I did read the comment, which could have been taken either way tbh (plural or singular) hence I asked, but thanks for the clarification. I'm defensive of families and carers being made to feel guilty and like the life of the person they care for is worth less than someone who's had their bike nicked. It seems we're (society) still generally fighting over who is the least deserving.

It just seems odd that they'd rather spend all weekend chasing around after someone. I'm sure there would have been calls from the general public/hospital/cafe that would all have to been dealt with and attended to etc. too. The amount of times the police have phoned me (to tell me again they are doing nothing.) And this could potentially go on and on. Must waste so much time. And there is still someone out their putting people in danger. The police's method seems not only completely ineffective but incredibly dangerous.

But it is police work to protect the public. And it is police work to remove people to a place of safety. And of course these 2 go together.

If they feel they don't have the resources to take people to a place of safety then that means they will have to spend more time protecting the public from unwell people.

If they don't feel they have the resources to protect people then they need to use their police power to detain. Noone else can do it therefore it is by definition police work.

They can't just decide to do neither while also use a huge amount of police resources messing around doing nothing.

Of course this doesn't exist in a bubble. We need better funded mental health services, we need better funded social care and we need the racquet that is 'supported accomodation' stopped. A home for vulnerable people should not be a money making exercise.

But with the best will in the world there will be situations when the police need to use 136 (or 135) and they shouldn't be allowed to just shirk their responsibility.

Thank you. I have had time to reflect and I will take this up with my MP because the entire catalogue of errors should just not happen.

How is it needle in a haystack?? I told them exactly where he was. We were in a cafe, literally sitting in there. How exactly is that needle in a haystack?? Can the police really not manage to find someone when told exactly where they are? I mean how do they deal with cases when they aren't told exactly where the person is?

And exactly how many hours do the police want to waste on this? When will they finally use their powers to remove this person from the streets? Or will they just continue indefinitely bungling about?

His mother is too ill to support him and his sister has children too. Why would I step back when my partner is seriously unwell and needs me? Would you never support your partner through illness? How would the children feel about me turning my back on their dad when he was seriously ill?

I can see the point when someone goes missing from a voluntary centre and people are worried about what they might do. However the OP and others were being subjected to risk of harm and the partner had lost the ability to make a rational decision, so was a risk to themselves. I realise it needs an assessment to prove loss of competence but when they are told who the person is, where they are and that they are causing risk to others by their actions they are actually doing at the time. Is that not enough to realise that need detaining? The police turned up at the cafe whilst he was still there but didn't know who they were there for, despite the op having given them the details. Would it not have been appropriate for them to call the dispatcher for the information, when the op approached them asking if they were there for her partner, rather than saying "I don't know" and leaving. There's no point turning up, if you don't try to action it to the best of your ability. Facts like name, address and alleged offence are the minimum you'd expect them to know surely? There must have been miscommunication somewhere for the officers not to know that much. We don't know what they would have done regarding the OP's partner, had they made contact with him, but at least they would have been able to make a judgement of the level of threat to himself and others. This would have potentially minimised the risk of harm to every other member of public he went on to threaten afterwards. There wouldn't have been numerous other calls about him as the moved around the rest of the town either.

I completely get it OP. I'm not sure anyone else really can unless they're particularly gifted at putting themselves in another's shoes, or experience it themselves. Or until maybe when people end up caring for an elderly relative with dementia, they gain an insight into the reality that others can suffer for a lifetime. They have no idea of the stress and difficulty involved when someone is at that precipice between sanity and insanity and becoming an unrecognisable version of themselves. How infections and viruses can wreak havoc with efficacy, necessary medication changes due to dangerous side effects or "holidays" to check for residual symptoms, yet there's no back up plan to cope with the inevitable and completely predictable deterioration. Just a constant message of "well they have capacity, we can't help if they don't want it".

The anxiously desperate ringing round from one team to another, being passed from pillar to post, hoping, praying that some form of crisis care coordination is miraculously going to spring into action and resources deployed. The constant weighing up of which priory task is going to get abandoned to make that follow up call/write that email, or how much chaos and disruption in your own life is going to unfold in the coming hours, days or weeks. It's exhausting. We did once succeed in a helicopter search on a particularly treacherous night with freezing temperatures, when she'd gone off with no coat or shoes. I can't imagine that would ever happen now. A lot of the trauma and fear she was running from was caused by torturous flashbacks of abuse in care settings in the first place, believing she was being drugged as a punishment and to stop her from speaking out. She'd have given someone the coat off her own back when well.

Sorry I'm going on and on OP. It's bringing it all back again. If you want any support with writing letters, feel free to pm me.

The cafe incident was just so puzzling. They only had to speak to the owner and he would have pointed us out as at one point DP was shouting/swearing and then trying to start on someone. As they came in I was looking at them trying to catch their eye. I assumed they must be there for someone else and realised they were in the wrong place. I cautiously asked who they were there for so as not to unsettle DP who had just settled down, would there not have been a part of them that would think here is a woman clearly very anxious asking us this -she is there with a man matching the description including the distinctive tattoo and they are sitting in the cafe we have been told they are at. Perhaps this is who we are looking for? Let's ask the owner if he can confirm for us. There was 3 of them and not one had that thought? DP even shouted out to them after I'd asked about how stupid they were for not knowing who they were looking for - not a normal response and one of the police officers just gave him a cheery wave. They then got back in their car and drove off never to be seen again.

I'm not trying to be nasty but I just cannot believe that is the calibre of our police. How on earth do they solve crimes when it isn't all presented on a plate for them when they struggled with this?

Oh bless you. Please use this space to speak about it if it helps. But I'm sorry to bring painful memories back.

Mental health is very isolating because as you say most people really don't understand. Including the police of course. Who have such lack of understanding they will scream down the phone at a woman just trying to keep themselves, their partner and everyone else safe.

Thanks OP. How are things today? I hope you've been able to make some progress.

The police are now wanting to find him to take to the 136 suite. But now no one knows where he is. So now lots of police time is going to be spent looking for him.

So the police can't claim they don't have enough time to deal with mental health as they have chosen to do it the way which will take more time.

Just a little update - I found out the person who screamed at me that I shouldn't have let my partner leave and should have him in my house was an inspector!! He was also the one who said he'd spoken to a psychiatric nurse at the accomodation and told me they 'let him out' so he must be ok. I don't know why I'm surprised that such ignorant and nasty people get made inspectors. Says it all really.