To feel sad that noone seems to care

[Feelingsad1987]

Just feeling really sad. This is pointless and just a rant, really.

Just had a difficult situation tonight. My partner is living in supportive accommodation. The staff are meant to make sure he takes his medication but they've not been doing so. Consequently he is now in psychosis.

Got an appointment for him on Wednesday with the psychiatrist. However, this afternoon he ended up being verbally aggressive to another resident. The police were called who just said 'there's nothing we can do'.

My partner then ended up at mine very confused and agitated. Said he was never going back to his accommodation as so paranoid and deluded about what is happening there. Then left mine refusing to say where he was going. I was very concerned about his welfare and the danger to other people so I phoned the police explained the situation and explained he needed to be found and taken to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can't do anything and I need to phone the ambulance. So I phone the ambulance who explain I need to phone the police as they can't drive around searching for him, but once the police find him they will attend. They tell me the police policy to quote to the police to convince them to help. So this time they take all the details.

A few hours later they phoned me back to say the 'inspector' wouldn't do anything as I had to do "all my checks' I asked what that meant. I had to speak to all his family and friends. I said that I had of course spoken to his mum and sister, they'd not seen him, but would call the police if he turned up there. He has no friends. I was then told his mum and sister have to do 'their checks'. I asked what they meant. I was told they needed to speak to all his family and friends. I explained again that he has no friends and his only family is his mum and sister. He is not with them. While this was happening he turned up at mine again and was very agitated and ran off when he realised I was talking to someone about him. 'We'll close things now that he's back home...' I explained this wasn't his home and that he'd ran off and he was still psychotic and dangerous. 'We can't do anything, we don't know where he is...' I told them the road he would be on after leaving mine. They then told me that I should be going out looking for him. I told them I have children so wasn't able to do that. They then told me I shouldn't have let him leave. Were really nasty about it. Said if he came back to keep him there.

A couple more hours then they phone me back to tell me they aren't going to do anything as they have spoken to the 'nurse' at his supported accommodation and they have said they have no concerns, that he often goes out and will be back by 11. I have to explain to the police there are no nurses it is a carer with no expertise in mental health. And one who clearly had no handover as they certainly had concerns when he was being aggressive to another resident. I also have to explain again he has said he will not go back there. The police tell me well 'they've let him out' so he must be ok. I have to explain to them it is supported accommodation not prison and he is free to come and go, there is no mechanism for them to not 'let him out'. 'Well, we can't do anything. If he comes back you need to keep him here and phone an ambulance. I explain I'm frightened of letting him in he is highly likely to hurt me. 'Oh well, anyone might hurt you, you don't know he's going to.'

He turns up again. I let him in and manage to calm him and explain I need to phone an ambulance. He gets very agitated. I phone the ambulance, they hear my screams and send the police. Police arrive and I explain how unwell he is. I ask them to take him to the Psych hospital. They tell me they can only do that if my partner confirms himself that he is a danger to himself and others. They say they'll drop him at A&E. I ask what to do when he comes back from there...oh well phone us...

Not one police officer seemed to care at all. I understand sometimes their hands are tied but they just didn't seem to care atall. And the way they would just confidently state complete rubbish and when you pointed it out it didn't seem to have any impact. It was their way or the highway. No matter how much ignorance it was based on or how much danger people would be put in. It didn't matter to them.

His regular mental health team are not available until Monday. Also he has not decided not to take his meds. They have nowhere to take him 'home' to as he can't go back to his accommodation. In his circumstances he would have been admitted.

Noone is asking the police to be mental health professionals. I am just asking them to protect us when we need it and use their powers to ensure people are not in danger. Also not to bully people into putting themselves into danger.

It can't have been nice to be sacked but so great to hear you did the right thing. We need more people like you!

How are the police right when a S136 was needed and the only people who can do that are the police? Literally noone else could do it.

I think again this is why there should be a mental health police unit so they are able to be experts in police powers in these situations.

Most definitely.
I can't think when I last saw a copper 'On the beat' {And we live in a major City!}
All the local police stations have been closed down.

There used to be a lot of mental health hospitals around, too, some in lovely grounds, all closed.

Was randomly attacked in a shop by someone who clearly had mental health issues- Thankfully a brave member of public helped.

Police didn't show up.

That was a Pre Covid- it's even worse now.

Just a little update - today he is a bit more settled. He has had his meds 2 days now and some good sleep. He wasn't in a state of putting me in immediate danger today, but still very on the edge and it could kick off at any time in the right circumstances. I can't have him in my home. I haven't got the money for a bnb again tonight so he'll be on the street. I got lots of warm food and drink in him and given him a flask of tea and a sleeping bag. Given him his meds to take later, but he said he will only take half as doesn't feel safe being knocked out while on the street. He'll be back in the morning so we can go and see his social worker. It breaks my heart thinking of him being so cold tonight.

It appeared that many of the police staff had never heard of a S136.

Wow. A serious training gap here. I am shocked.

@Feelingsad1987
Is this even a relationship at this point? you sound more like his mum or a support worker, sometimes you have to put yourself first.

What a worry

I suggest asking for names / badge numbers of everyone you speak to. I find people sometimes behave a bit better when they feel more accountable / identifiable in the event of a complaint

Also, shouldn't be this way, but the squeaky wheel gets attention

And, some organisations are disproportionately concerned by letters from MPs, so that can be a useful tactic

And, if / when you complain, be very clear what outcome you are seeking

Sorry you're going through this OP.

I noticed you say he is on clozapine. Please be extremely careful giving him his meds if you believe he has missed doses. If he has gone more than 48 hours without his clozapine you must seek advice before giving it to him. Clozapine can have some extremely serious side effects and we would normally start someone on a lower dose with monitoring if they have missed a few days of meds before building back up to their normal dose.

Broken Britain. Absolutely terrifying. You can’t even guarantee an ambulance as you lie dying in the street let alone for a MH issue.

The country is on its knees.

I take it you cannot ring the 24hr duty SW team to get him a bed for tonight?

I'm so sorry you are faced with this. It's awful when you can't help but you've absolutely done everything you can. Thankfully it's not going to be quite as cold tonight (well, where I am in any case). It's disgraceful vulnerable people are left to sleep/die on the streets like this when they should be in a secure unit.

It's so inhumane the way we treat people who are ultimately ill and not in their right minds as to whether to take meds or not. The way we assess capacity in patients with psychotic illness leaves a lot to be desired. Too much is given to having capacity to make decisions, when their decision-making is negatively influenced by trauma and psychotic thinking.

Ultimately all most of these people need is sufficient time and understanding and to be somewhere they can be fed, warm and monitored.

I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.

Yes, I was too. And the arrogant way they told me I was wrong. The amount of silly arguments I have had with the police this weekend has been ridiculous. They phoned me this morning to say they wanted to make an appointment to make a statement, when I refused they enquired what it was I wanted them to do and seemed really surprised when I said I wanted them to protect myself and the general public when we were in danger and now was too late.

I'll just ignore this ignorant post.

Assume you'd never look after your partner when they were seriously unwell.

Thank you for the advice.

I know OP - people can be so ignorant and think it's fine just to just turn your back and leave mentally ill people to fend for themselves.

We all actually have a duty of care if we know anyone who is vulnerable and at risk.

I imagine ever since this stance taken by the higher ups in the police means many in the force see this as a green light to just not bother any more.

Yes, I do understand that. However, I have no idea exactly what or when he has missed doses. If I don't give him his medications and with there being no support available it is likely at least one person will be seriously hurt. As you can see I have sought advice all weekend but there is none available. I will speak to the clozapine clinic tomorrow. They don't restart people on clozapine in the community here, if he would have been taken to the 136 suite they would have admitted him.

I spoke to them on Friday and Saturday and they said they couldn't do anything.

Thank you, what a kind post.

It is inhumane. It's unfair to leave someone so unwell that they harm others. It's not fair on those he hurts but it's not fair on him either. He will be devastated at having hurt people.

And I agree with your other points. It is a fine line between allowing someone to make their own decision and saying they don't have capacity.

Yes, MN is very victim blaming when it comes to mental health.

Are you saying people with serious mental illnesses should not have relationships? Because decent, kind and brilliant people can have relapses and exhibit delusions and/or hallucinations that make them behave differently. They can then stabilise and have long periods again of staying well.

The best relationships are the ones where the ‘well’ partner is supportive and non-judgmental like the OP, and the unwell partner has insight when better and can appreciate what their partner has been through. And they should then take steps to avoid further relapses, take meds, engage with services etc as needed. And in an ideal world, people like the OP would have informal and formal support networks to protect their own wellbeing.

If both partners want to be in a relationship there is no reason why people with mental illnesses should not engage in them. The illness does not define OP’s partner. This is a blip in their relationship. Things may well get back on course. Like all of us when we go through hard times with a partner.

Yes, absolutely. The minute mental health was mentioned they would interrupt and tell you they couldn't do anything without actually hearing the situation. The call handlers have definitely been told to try and fob off anyone who tries to seek help where mental health is a factor. And these people really seem to take relish in doing so without an ounce of compassion for the frightened and desperate caller.

The mental health system is a shambles. I have bipolar, and was in crisis the week before last. I did what my psychiatrist told me to do- phone her secretary and ask for a prescription of lorazepam and zopiclone. I did that and was referred to the one duty mental health nurse. Went through a load of questions and was told she'd call me back. Never had that call. Luckily I wasn't a danger to myself or others just hypomanic. But I did what I was supposed to, but they wouldn't listen.

Thank you for not giving up on him. Having a mental health condition is shit as it is x

That is so well put. Thank you so much.

No, I am not turning my back on him due to this relapse.

There absolutely are boundaries - I can't allow him in my house or around the children at the moment. But I will do what I can.

I'm really sorry to hear that and I hope you are feeling better this week?

Bless you, it is shit and you deserve to be treated as compassionately as someone with a physical illness.