He’s fucking locked me out.

[FuckingFreezing1]

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

Op if he cared about you he would have arranged to meet you and give you the key. He could have gone back to the party. Please rethink your relationship. He was playing a control game with you. You deserve better.

This is so sad to read, @FuckingFreezing1 ... I hope you have enough strength now to leave him and never look back. I can't believe any normal person would do this, knowing you are locked out after work, cold, and calmly continuing to party. What a psycho cunt your so called partner is.

On the plus side - you have no kids together, you are not married. You can literally erase this piece of shit from your life.

You're worth so much more, OP. Please remember it.

I hope you’re at your mums now getting some sleep. You’ve posted here for a reason, please let this be the last straw and walk away from this awful creature. It’ll be the best thing you ever do.

You are still young. I spent my 20s with a horrible man too. I was 30 when I met my now DH and life is so much better and happier. Give yourself the same chance, the same freedom. Do not drop anchor here. You are worth so much more.

@FuckingFreezing1

I am in shock reading your updates OP, you do not deserve this. I hope you got hold of your Mom in the end.

what a vile, arrogant cretin he is. I’m disgusted.

best of luck to you, better things are ahead trust me.

How are you doing @FuckingFreezing1 ?

I'm not saying I know, how can any of us know.

we can only take thr OPs words on face value because that's all we have.

but I can tell you what, she hasn't exactly indicated any desire to rid herself of this selfish twat, so I expect this will just rumble on indefinitely. It begs the question why post "he's locked me out" for what purpose and to what end? Attention-seeking? Cry for help?

it's their life not ours, they're the only person impacted, so if they want support they need to help themselves by engaging, we aren't the emergency services or therapists.

You are an adult. He has the key on a works do... hes unlikely to be back by 9. Go and get the key get more cut tomorrow

Or partner gets uber to bring your key

Just read this and genuinely horrified at your partner’s behaviour. Please let this be the reason you needed to get as far away from him as possible.

Who are the parents raising these dysfunctional men?

Is it lack of a father figure? An abusive father? Bad parenting all round?

Thankfully in real life I don't know these men. But MN is full of threads about men who treat women like shit.

Or does part of the blame lie with women who are too scared to stand up for themselves or support themselves?

In the last two weeks I've read several threads about women being beaten by men (one of them in the police) and I can't help wonder why society is producing these men and also why women are too scared to leave.

Both treads where women had been hit, with injuries, ended with the women never coming back to say they were safe or leaving, and presumably their lives would carry on as before.

I can't believe he would rather he leaves his partner in the cold and dark rather tha leave early. He's a twat. I don't often say ltb but in this case I would. He's saying his drinking is more important than your safety. Nah fuck that.

Nah, let’s not sink to victim blaming.

Also you may very well know these men. They are hiding in plain sight.

Hi OP
I hope you are safe and got some sleep.
If you do decide to end things and really don’t want to fight for the flat you need to end the tenancy so you are no longer liable for rent and also make sure you let any utility companies know.
My understanding of joint tenancies is that if one person correctly terminates it the whole tenancy ends.
You would need to check the situation with your tenancy. The HA might be willing to put it just in his name.
What happens to him will not be your problem though.
Best wishes.

Up thread it was established he was on the cocaine hence the extreme selfish cunt behaviour.
I hope he has the comedown from hell.

I'm not victim blaming.

“Or does part of the blame lie with women who are too scared to stand up for themselves or support themselves?”

This is victim blaming.

I wanted to start a sensible discussion about why society still has men who behave like this.

I can assure you I do not have men like this in my sights.

I'm much older than most people on MN (I'm 70) and am appalled at how women are still being controlled by men and families are creating men like this.

I hope you got to your mum’s and that she is far more angry with him than you.
That man left you vulnerable on a cold night. A vulnerable woman who could have been attacked or worse - and you are mithering him and he can’t relax? He is vile.
Of course you feel lonely because you are alone. You are paying for everything, doing everything, and he gets to do what he wants when he wants.
There is so much more to life than this. You are so young. I walked out at 29 and my only regret is that I didn’t do it 19. Over 10 years of my life.
BUT I am glad that I freed myself from someone who only cared about himself.
Go and stay with your mum, sort out your admin, and life will get better.
If you stay with this man he will know now just how badly he can treat you and it will get worse.

Op I do hope you're home and warm. Shocking behaviour from him, please keep hold of the anger you feel and leave this disgusting human.

I'm going to leave this now @Plastictrees because you're misunderstanding.

Wishing you all the strength in the world. You only have one life 💐

OP, please give us an update! We are really worried about you❤️

Hi OP, I was reading this last night. Hope you are OK. Hope you got back in the house. Thank God for the 24hr McDonald's. He didn't give a fuck where you were he wasn't bothered about you in any way. I hope you can find the courage to leave. I would go back to your Mum's for a bit or pack his bags and put them outside and lock him out when you get the key back. If you can enrole on the Freedom program you might find that really helps you re set your boundaries. A lot of people on here also recommend reading Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that's I think it is called. Good Luck with your future. You are worth more than his shit offering.

I hate him just reading that.

Omg just read through all this. I’m speechless, absolutely awful that he did this to you! I hope you’re safe asleep somewhere nice and warm. Thanks god u were able to go to a McDonald’s but I can’t imagine how angry, hurt, cold, tired and scared you were. He’s put you in a very vulnerable position. I really hope you’re okay!