He’s fucking locked me out.

[FuckingFreezing1]

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

hope you are ok and back in the house x

I hope you are safe OP. I’m worried about your safety over the next few days. This man does not love you.

This is one of the most disrespectful things I have ever read.

I rarely agree with LTB on here - but this is a definite LTB. Get your stuff, key his car on your way out and block him on all channels. Completely cut him out of your life and start again. You're still young OP. Let this be the lowest point.

I am sorry this has happened to you, and I hope you take this as a wake-up call. Get out and run. This is not any kind of relationship. I was 32 when I started again. I have 3 kids now, plus 2 houses. You are so young. You can have anything you want, just dump him and focus on yourself. You will look back in a few years and see what a loser he is and still is. While you will be flying ahead.

OP if you are paying all the bills then this is a financially abusive relationship.

Please seek some help from Womens Aid. Leaving is tough, especially when you have had years of being treated the way you are. You need some support and an exit plan. Please ask.

There are also lots of incredible women here who can also give you assistance. And we all support you. We want you to have a life filled with peace and joy. You know you don't have friends solely because of him right?? Let 2025 be the year that you get that happy life back.

Op has been abused by this man for years. Financially, emotionally and treated like a dog. I can hardly believe what I have read. It is shocking.

What a truly upsetting thread, the casualness of his cruelty is just so awful.

I hope next year is better for you OP. x

Hope you're safe OP.
If I were your Mum, I'd drive to the other end of the country to get you.
You CAN start afresh. Don't waste another 6 years on this waster. He is using you.

It really isn't.

I hope you’re tucked up at home and asleep, I hope this is the final straw that broke the camel’s back.
That wank stain of a bf doesn’t care for anyone but himself, it’s not a reflection on you at all, I wouldn’t leave a dog outside in the cold let alone anyone else! He won’t change for you, or for anyone.
His needs are basic, somebody to pay the rent, buy the food and pay the bills so he can pay for his car, some sex thrown in when his ball sacks need emptying,he basically needs an indulgent mummy with benefits.
You on the other hand are a prize to be cherished, you deserve so much better than this walking talking sack of shit. Walk away, move back in with mum .
Your bf once he realises your serious might squeeze some crocodile tears and pleas of change but his only concern is who will fund him so he can just pay for his car. Nothing would change if you stayed, he might appear to be more caring for a few fleeting days but it would soon go back to normal.
X

Why are people obsessed with trying to make the OP out to be a liar? It's really nasty, bullying behaviour.

Yes it’s horrific as well as the posters coming on here to say “how dumb are you to only have one key”. He keeps losing his keys, he promised the OP he would get in first (would probably have given her hell if she hadn’t lent her key to him) and then he knows she is outside in the cold and dark and won’t come back from the pub and tells her she’s mithering him and she sits in McDonald’s all night as she doesn’t want to upset him.

Tell your mum.. tell her you are leaving him. Give yourself the best Xmas present ever and pack your stuff and leave. Let the landlord know and then block this utter shit. There is much better out there for you!

😤OP, your partner makes me so mad. How dare he! From what you write he appears to be sponching off of you and dares to treat you like this, then whines about "not being able to relax" while you, who keeps a roof over his head, freezes at busstop. His behavior is completely unacceptable.

I, thankfully, have never been enmeshed with someone so abusive. It's easier if you are not living together and not sharing any finances, but once you do and a certain dynamic has developed, leaving must be infinitely harder than a simple heartbreak. Hell, I've seen a friend go through a abusive relationship and she was still living at her parents' place. She felt "disloyal" to even think of leaving when he had done "so much for her" when she was going through a hard time. In the end she stopped talked to me. I think I handled it badly. I just didn't know what to say to her and I was so concerned for her. I hope she eventually left him, but I don't know.

To any outsider it's clear to see it is abuse and that no one deserves to be treated like that. However, these dynamics often develop as a slow boil over time and by the time you realize just how effed up the situation is, you are smack bang in the middle of it and leaving carries all sorts of complications and requires dismanteling the life you've let for years.

And this is not even considering that we all know on some level that there is a risk of a man ramping up the abuse when a woman does try to leave.

He won't come to let you in. He will go ballistic if you go to him to get the keys. He wants you to sit outside at night in winter for some indefinite period of time

Why are you with him?

He's one cruel bastard.
Just had one thought ..when you leave op...you'll leave the only set of keys with him. ...correct. ?
Let's hope the twat loses those .....then hes coughing up for lock change etc
Don't forget op .you deserve better

If he’s always losing the keys then why does he have yours? While on a night out which always involves alcohol? This makes no sense at all.

I hope you’re ok op. If you were my dd, I would be encouraging you to keep the tenancy and get him out because of abusive behaviour. He’s coercively controlling you by the sound of it. Once he’s off the tenancy, you could do a swap. Housing association rent is way cheaper than private renting and more secure. If you leave, you’re continuing to give him more gifts. I understand the compulsion and desire just to get out though.

It does if you’re in a coercively controlling relationship. There’s 2 text exchanges on this thread. They’re awful.

So what if now he has lost the keys you gave him? It just didn't make any sense giving it to since he always losses his keys, he also has a car, I'm perplexed

Please please leave him.

Your thirties can be so different to this half life you are living now.

Yes. It will. So happy for you that you’ve seen it. In a way behaving this awfully has done you a favour. He’s cooked his goose.

Leave him. Work on getting to know yourself and feeling good about yourself and enjoy your life. May be a new relationship will come but don’t move in with them for a very long time and watch out for any red flags.

Hope you are ticked up sleeping at your mums now OP.

I hope you'll be OK OP. I'm sending you strength 💐💐

If the flat belongs to an HA are you the lead tenant? Is he on the tenancy at all because if it's in your name you can chuck him out.

a little FYI that key safes don’t negate someone going out and leaving the keys in the house etc
eldest has form for taking the key from the safe coming in dropping the key somewhere then going back out whilst I’m out with no key 🤦🏽‍♀️ you can’t legislate against idiots 🤷🏽‍♀️