He’s fucking locked me out.

[FuckingFreezing1]

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

I really hope you're at your mum's now, tucked up in bed.

It made me sad to read that she'd be cross with you for calling so late.

I can't imagine ever being annoyed with my DC if they were in such a horrible situation.

Make 2025 your year. Being single is often much less lonely than being with the wrong person.

I hope you’re somewhere warm and can get your stuff tomorrow.

Will your mum be supportive? Does she like him?

Let this be your mantra moving into the new year OP.
Repeat this to yourself over and over.
Let no one be the boss of you.
You are the only person who gets to tell you what to do.
I hope you're with your mum right now, in a safe and warm space.
If you were my daughter I would move heaven and earth to get to you, wherever you were.

Come the morning, make plans to get your keyrings, get your stuff and get out.

Let last night be the LAST time you have anything to do with this useless excuse of a human being.
Make friends.
They can be a lifeline in situations like these.
At the very least, a friend could have taken you in for the night, or driven you to pick up your keys.
Don't let him isolate you any further and use you as a crutch for his lifestyle.

All the best OP.
Remember you are worth more than this x

She didn’t lose her key, so why would she?

She lent her key in good faith that the nobber would be back home before her.

Focus on the fact that you are now making choices that will see you in a more stable situation soon. Stupid man baby. I'm just hope that wherever you are you are warm and safe with people you love.

I hope you're somewhere warm sleeping, and you can call in sick without too much of an issue today.

Get that man out of your life op, he's absolutely no good.

You’re only 29! That’s so young, so much time to live the life you deserve.

You sound so fed up but also like you’ve woken up to what he is and that you deserve better. Make 2025 the year you turn your life around. I agree with you about just leaving it all behind, after you’ve got your things of course and clearing it with the landlord.

I would expect your ex will use this as an opportunity to play more mind games so if you say you don’t want the flat he will try and get you to stay and be stuck paying the rent etc. So be prepared for having to deal with more crap until that’s sorted but after that you’ll be free of him.

Is his abuse emotional only it has he ever gotten physical? Just wondering if you need to involve the police.

Hi Op,

It sounds like you’re with a partner who mirrors a childhood that didn’t meet your needs. It’s not your fault that you got locked out and trusted your partner to be there.

I think you need to end the relationship and find a way forward. You’re still very young but once you have children leaving will be harder.

You’re so broken down that yo this problem was overwhelming - that’s not your fault but I can tell you’re emotionally exhausted and unable to think forward or out of things easily.

You need to get out of the relationship - a home of your own and no men for a while until you’ve repaired your childhood and background & healed with a good therapist.

When you pack up your things to leave and stay with your mum you should take the keys with you and drop them off at the landlord/ housing association 1. So he hasn’t got any and 2. You won’t get charged for a new set. Make sure you tell them he’s abusive and you want to be off the tenancy agreement urgently

I'd second all this!
You have your whole life ahead of you OP.
I wasted a good chunk of my 20's with a nasty piece of work.
Getting out of that 'relationship' was like being reborn!
You can do it - don't stress about the time that's passed, think of rebuilding your confidence and enjoying your life unshackled from this horrible man.
Hoping you're warm and safe xx

This is devastating. I pray you find the strength to allow yourself a happy life OP.

Only having one key is really stupid. Also, it's a not very subtle way of controlling your other half.

I hope you are asleep somewhere. 💐

A small story for you.

At 28 i was sleepwalking into home ownership/marriage/kids with my then LT boyfriend.
He did so many disrespectful small things that i ignored or glossed over because i was made to feel i was unreasonable or overreacting then something happened that similarly tipped me over the edge. I ended it and he was floored but did very little to try and "win me back" despite his lame protestations of "loving me".

I could not have imagined my life a decade on (in a good way). I'm 40 now
use this as the catalyst to get out /end it, lick your wounds over xmas and use 2025 to focus on yourself.

Hope you were finally able to get somewhere safe and warm last night for some sleep and that you have the courage to leave this person.

I honestly can’t believe he has left you outside to 2am in the middle of the winter with nowhere to go.

It is just unthinkable.

This has to be a water shed moment op. You are so young at 29 and can do far better than this for yourself.

Some of this sounds like cohersive control. I fully understand wanting to get out and just leave. I was in a loveless relationship while being controlled, it was mild and I was young. Unfortunately I hadn't understood the signs until years after even though I knew it was wrong. Luckily we separated because he had been cheating on me for months with a colleague and he broke up with me..he was living in my house as an emergency, rent and bill free and I was cooking and cleaning etc and he refused to eat fresh chicken that id put in the freezer and told me to go to the shop to get fresh..and I did. Wasn't allowed to text or talk to my male friends either. This was all while he was cheating on me.
Have been on on my own for 14 years since then, but I've paid my mortgage off and I'm at peace and have friends and family to visit so I'm so much happier than trapped in a dead end relationship.
Please look after yourself and put yourself first always ❤️

This is unhelpful. OP is vulnerable, not stupid.
OP has defended this so many times.
He keeps ‘losing’ his key, and this is all part of the control. OP said short of getting keys cut every few days what more can they do.

This isn’t OP’s fault. They didn’t lose their key. Controlling BF is using this to control her.

I'm sorry OP, he sounds like he has given you years of unhappiness. What do you get out of the relationship with him?

I locked myself out the house at 10am on a Monday morning a month or so ago, my husband left work to drive half an hour home to let me in and went back to work, he didn't even give me the grief I deserved for it! Please let this be your lowest point and don't give him the opportunity to make even worse memories for you. Use this anger to drive you and keep you focused on leaving the low life.

It's his loss. Good luck

Hello FuckingFreezing1,
I was once in a verrrry similar situation, walking the streets in winter at night, looking for a man I knew was cheating on me. His friends laughing at me at the pub when I asked where he was, I think my faith in him died that night.
Leave this bastard. This isn’t healthy for you, it IS demeaning, There’s a world out there, with people who will see you for all the good you can bring. Leave him, your life awaits you.

Last night was the beginning if the rest of ur life - im so sorry this happened to you and hope ur safe at ur mums. Take action today OP.

How are you @FuckingFreezing1

Please leave him.

You deserve so much more

I'm glad you've realised you're not wasting anymore of your life with this man.
There are men out there who are good and decent and that's the partner you deserve.

I thought the same- Especially when op said her mum would be cross for contacting her so late!

I’d be there for my adult son or family no matter what the time!