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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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Gofastboatsmojito · 13/12/2024 23:51

OP if this is the event that helps you realise what a shitbag he is and how incapable of love he is then it's worth the short term misery.
I hope you are already mentally leaving him tonight and follow through starting tomorrow.
Good luck, you deserve so much better. Being single will be bliss compared to a shitty relationship with this POS

Renamed · 13/12/2024 23:51

I hope you take the war to him. I hope you scorch him into obliteration. Then I hope you kick him out for good.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 13/12/2024 23:52

I'm pleased your warm in MacDonalds now OP. He'll be back soon & you can get back in. Then you'll both go to sleep. In the morning he'll act all weirdly normal untill YOU bring up tonight. Then they'll be a big row because he'll get defensive, & you'll somehow get the blame for everything.

Or you can chose this as the final straw. I hope you can do that. I hope you can wake up tomorrow and tell him to leave or leave yourself. Because frankly he's a piece of shit.

LauderSyme · 13/12/2024 23:53

Renamed · 13/12/2024 23:51

I hope you take the war to him. I hope you scorch him into obliteration. Then I hope you kick him out for good.

This is great! Poetic and fierce! Do this OP!

Catoo · 13/12/2024 23:54

Do you know any of his colleagues? Can you ring any of them or look at their socials to work out where he is and get the key? I would not give a shiny shit how cross he was that I turned up.

Can you be buzzed into the main building? If not I’d go and get a hotel.

Have you asked him where he is again or when he’s coming back?

raspberryripplecheesecake · 13/12/2024 23:55

I hope you remember how he made you feel tonight to empower you to leave and not look back. You must feel so lonely and abandoned. Does he know where you are now? Will he let you know he has got home so you can get some sleep?

FontSnob · 13/12/2024 23:56

You’re lonely now, whilst you’re in a relationship with him, so what is there to lose if you leave him?

LordBummenbachsMagnificentBalls · 13/12/2024 23:57

This time next year op you could be in a place of your own, total peace and quiet, no shitbag to take care of and no lost keys.
I know it feels tough getting there but really you would be better alone than abused like this to have company

I hope you find the strength to get out x

Normallynumb · 13/12/2024 23:57

I'm glad you're now in McDonald's warm and safe
See this as your lightbulb moment. You deserve someone who treats you with respect and kindness.
Make next year a happier one

Yellowbananasarebetterthangreen · 13/12/2024 23:59

Im baffled at how come you allowed him to go out today with the only keys knowing he is unreliable/prone to loosing them. What if he looses that set............. then you will both be locked out! (sorry but its true)
Id get two lots sorted next week - one so you've got got a set each. And a set to hide in case the inevitable happens and he looses them yet again. Maybe even a third lot - to ask a neighbour to keep for you. And a fourth for a key safe outside your house.
Or just bin him!

Thevelvelletes · 13/12/2024 23:59

What a pig leaving you to have to sit in a MacDonalds at nearly midnight and you've work in the morning.
As pp have said you need shot of this prick.
Life shouldn't be this hard.

Bananalanacake · 14/12/2024 00:02

You realise that a normal, decent guy would be mortified you are locked out because of him and would tell you to get a cab to the pub, they'd pay for it and get you a drink. I hope you gather the will to leave, not owning a property together makes it easier.

PiggyPigalle · 14/12/2024 00:04

No way is he not drinking in all this time. Will he drive home?

The loneliest place to be is in a bad relationship. That's very different to being alone. You'll never meet anyone decent while you're with him, as your radar is switched off.

Grammarnut · 14/12/2024 00:06

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

Why don't you both have keys?
Go to a hotel.

chattyness · 14/12/2024 00:06

He is knowingly leaving you outside, alone and unsafe in the dark & cold,what a selfish arsehole. I'm glad you're in a warm safe space now OP . I would make no reference to this event, but instead quietly begin to make plans to get free of him. In the meantime get yourself a spare key without telling him you so that you're never stuck in this situation again.

Grammarnut · 14/12/2024 00:08

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:06

He has my keys. The reason there’s one set of keys is because he lost the spare.

Show quote history

He didn't lose the spare, he lost his keys. Why didn't he get another set cut? Get a taxi and go to his work do. It's a party, have fun!

Grammarnut · 14/12/2024 00:11

HollyBaubles77 · 13/12/2024 22:13

My god - so many men apologists on here!

Not from me. I wouldn't have given him the keys. Get a key safe where OP puts his key. She keeps her own keys.
I have already suggested she go to the party. Mind, not sure her DP is worth the effort.

Ohnobackagain · 14/12/2024 00:11

After you get home, wait for him to go out and get the locks changed. Don’t give him a key. Don’t let him in. See how he likes it. You deserve so much better. And let’s be honest - on your own in peace is better than being with ‘someone’ living like this. Hope you’re ok and have managed to sort something out to get rid of him.

BoyzIIMen · 14/12/2024 00:12

You only have one set of keys because he keeps losing his?

So you give him that one set of keys when he's going out drinking for the evening!

You'd better hope he doesn't lose them too as you'll both be locked out!

Doesn't sound like the best plan!!!!

Enterthedragonqueen · 14/12/2024 00:15

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 00:16

Hope he's back now

CrocsNotDocs · 14/12/2024 00:21

Your life doesn’t have to be like this OP.

Imagine coming home from work to your own peaceful flat. You can cook when and what you like, watch what you want on tv, have friends over or go out when you want. Your place and space. Calm and drama and fear free.

fridaynight1 · 14/12/2024 00:21

Way too much drama and I really don’t get why you aren’t tucked up in bed at the nearest Premier Inn.

JFDIYOLO · 14/12/2024 00:21

Are you still in MacDonald's - will it stay open?

Once you get in the house, I would not start anything tonight. He'll have been drinking and could be aggressive. You've said how unreasonable he is. And you'll need some sleep.

But if you're at work tomorrow, spend some time thinking this through.

Women's Aid is helpful in leaving abusive relationships. Lots of info and reading material here while you wait:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely/

The book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is often recommended here:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

You've recognised you're currently stuck in an abusive relationship and only you can get yourself out.

All best.

I want to leave my relationship safely - Women’s Aid

The Survivor’s Handbook provides practical support and information for women experiencing domestic abuse, with simple guidance on every aspect of seeking support.

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/the-survivors-handbook/i-want-to-leave-my-relationship-safely

CalicoPusscat · 14/12/2024 00:22

fridaynight1 · 14/12/2024 00:21

Way too much drama and I really don’t get why you aren’t tucked up in bed at the nearest Premier Inn.

Cost, probably. And she just wants to go home.