He’s fucking locked me out.

[FuckingFreezing1]

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

Why would it be world war three? Plans change, events run over, no one wants to end the party early, you should be able to go to where he is, and quickly get the key without it being a full on meltdown, why does everything have to be so dramatic, I couldn't be arsed with all that.

Also, why agree to give him your key if he is so useless with them and such a prick to boot, surely him not being able to get in should be his problem not yours? He should be the one waiting for you to come home from work or coming to you to get the key if he needs to get in, or getting copies made himself ffs, he sounds like an idiot.

OP, is there literally anywhere else you can go? When will your mum be home? Don’t go home to this arsehole even when he does deign to return.

Glad you're inside somewhere. I'd tell him to loop by and collect you on his way home. Order whatever you fucking fancy and make him pay for it later.

Independently I'd say this is just him being a bit of a tool, but your situation sounds bigger than this.. get on airplane mode and get some food. You can figure out if this is part of a bigger problem and that perhaps the relationship needs to end.. or not.. now that you're in a safe warm environment to do so.

I would feel furious, hurt, utterly bewildered.

But I’d also get the fuck in my house or somewhere warm.

The helplessness is ridiculous. This is a woman with a job who is not married and has no children.

I’m not saying it’s easy to end things but just choosing to stand out in the freezing cold when there ARE other options is ridiculous.

I don’t blame her for her predicament - her partner is a nasty abusive POS but that’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight’s is finding warmth but she seems to have no awareness of that hence ‘crack on’.

It is not possible to help some people and all of the sympathy in the world isn’t helping her now.

Phew. Thank goodness you can still post here now.

I just want my keys back. I don’t care about anything else. I just want my keys.

I'd personally get a locksmith out and change the locks, so he can't get in. Not sure why you are putting up with this

I can remember being a teenager and watching the storyline on Eastenders where a woman (Maureen?) was being abused by her husband (Tony?) and thinking “why wouldn’t you just leave”. Now, twenty-odd years later, having lived with someone abusive for around four years I am ashamed of myself for having that thought and am disgusted at the people on here asking the same of the OP. Until you have lived with abuse you will not only never be able to comprehend a trauma bond but the many other factors that can keep you trapped. For me it has been financial abuse and thankfully for me I will have the means to escape in the New Year but you have absolutely no idea why the OP is trapped, none of us do. Bashing her for not wanting the repercussions of going to get the key is not only completely unhelpful but utterly insensitive. I completely understand it - you will do anything to keep the peace, save yourself from days of abuse and having to apologise despite knowing you are not the one in the wrong - even if it is to your own detriment.

OP I hope you find the strength to leave, I promise I know how hard it is and I completely understand the trauma bond but I promise you deserve so much more (and I know deep down you know this yourself). Stay safe, I promise you are stronger than you give yourself credit for x

The way some people have berated you on this thread I would prepare to be told off for eating UPF 😉

Glad you are safe and warm. Now to plan for the rest of your life...

I put up with it because for so long it’s hurt too much to think that this person couldn’t give a shit about me. So when he throws me the weakest crumbs I take them
But how can I deny it now. I can’t sit and kid myself that this man gives a single shit about me.

Sounds like he doesn't care about or respect you, and you don't like him, and are maybe a bit afrid of him as you won't go and collect your keys from him to avoid his bad temper.

You've no kids so why stay with him? You have one life, why waste yours on a shitty man.

How the fuck do you know? Read the thread and read between the lines with a bit more emotional intelligence

I hope you leave. There is a better life than this. Don’t waste more time on him.

Good luck with your New Year plans @Canthinkofaname58 Stay safe and have a wonderful peaceful 2025

I hope you live the best life and the freedom brings you nothing but happiness ❤️

Go and join I. With his works do. If he doesn't like it- tough. You can tell them all how he wanted you to wait in the cold until he was done.

He’s a fucker and you’re scared of him. Or at least scared of his emotional abuse and aggro. How would you go about dumping him? Think it through. What would you do first?

Thank you so much lovely, I wish the same for you x

It's a stressful time of year for many. Your relationship may never recover from this but if drink was involved who knows.

I don’t think he’d give a fuck tbh. I could probably get away with just walking out and never speaking again and he’d never notice.

That sounds a lot better than dealing with him! Where would you go - your mum’s?

Well you know what you have to do

Not sure how a key box particularly helps if he has access to it and loses keys all the time? Presumably he’ll let himself in one time and forget to put it back?

Probably. It’s just admitting it to myself. I’ll never ever be a priority. I’ll never be anything except someone who pays the bills, cooks, cleans. I am a fool, a silly fool. I think I’m lonely tbh.
Of all the things the man has done this just takes the biscuit. I’m in work in the morning, which will probably be on little to no sleep.