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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He’s fucking locked me out.

859 replies

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:04

Basically this. I’ve text him as I can’t get in, I’ve just finished work. He’s on a works Xmas party.

Said he was setting off at 8:45 and he’d be home for 9 so I said cool, take the key.

Now it’s 10pm and I’m sat in a fucking bus shelter because he’s locked me out and won’t come back with the keys, he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in.

I haven’t a clue what to do, it’s 4°, my street is poorly lit and this place doesn’t shut til 12. I can’t afford a lock change so that’s out of the question and my mums not in. So I literally have to just wait.

OP posts:
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6
Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

Merryoldgoat · 13/12/2024 22:48

Ok. Crack on.

Are you hoping to end up hospitalised and make him feel SOMEthing? Guilty? Remorseful?

You clearly aren’t ready to be helped as there are a whole bunch of options open to you so I’ll leave you to it.

Show quote history

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

mrspresents · 13/12/2024 23:25

CandyLeBonBon · 13/12/2024 22:46

I'm sure I've read this almost exact scenario before?

Similar recently; except last time she was sat on a pavement after refusing to walk home due to an argument. This also reminded me of that.

cjcghana · 13/12/2024 23:25

Butchyrestingface · 13/12/2024 23:23

I thought it was the same poster initially. But that was a very long term relationship.

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Who knows???

NotStayingIn · 13/12/2024 23:27

mrsrabbit33 · 13/12/2024 23:14

Omg how is this helpful right now?
Rightly or wrongly she gave him the keys and is now locked out in the cold in a bus shelter. You are coming across like an utter prick by banging on about how silly she was for giving him the keys. It's irrelevant. All that matters is that she is warm and safe and hopefully thinks about leaving the bastard tomorrow.

Show quote history

Nope sorry, it’s not irrelevant at all. The most important thing she can take away from this is that her own actions fucked her over. And her own future actions will (hopefully) prevent that from happening. It’s not about keys and it’s not about him. It’s about seeing something play out again and again, and still not protecting yourself from being negatively impacted by it.

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:27

She hasn't actually said whether he even knows this.. he may think she has gone to her mums or a friends for example which I think would be the first port of all. If she's not called him to say she's stuck, after a few drinks in perhaps he is merrily sauced up and unaware...

Sitting here moaning about it isn't really going to change the situation, a decision needs to be made. All the other stuff about the relationship etc is not a now problem, now problem is getting out of the cold!

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:28

RogueFemale · 13/12/2024 23:23

It's your fault if you continue to allow yourself to be treated like shit.

If that's what you want, then at least never ever lend him your keys again, then he can be the one enjoying being locked out, not you.

Show quote history

Victim shaming at its finest.

Copperoliverbear · 13/12/2024 23:28

@Plastictrees I have read the updates, if she asks him to meet her outside the venue with the keys so she can go home he might meet her if she says she doesn't want to come in.
Also I do believe it's partly her fault who gives a man your keys when they keep losing theirs and who believes a man who's going to a works Christmas party that says he's not going to drink and will be home before nine. ( I'd say only a few in a million would be home )
Never put yourself in a position that makes you totally reliant on a man.
She needs to dump him, new year new start and if I had to get in debt to my mum for a locksmith I would and I'd leave his belongings on the doorstep.

Octopies · 13/12/2024 23:29

Is your Mum somewhere nearby that you could meet her? I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be on your own in the cold. Sorry your parner is such an arsehole, he should be heading home early or inviting you to join him since this situation is his fault.

Suzuki76 · 13/12/2024 23:29

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:27

She hasn't actually said whether he even knows this.. he may think she has gone to her mums or a friends for example which I think would be the first port of all. If she's not called him to say she's stuck, after a few drinks in perhaps he is merrily sauced up and unaware...

Sitting here moaning about it isn't really going to change the situation, a decision needs to be made. All the other stuff about the relationship etc is not a now problem, now problem is getting out of the cold!

"he’s out and apparently I’m unreasonable for asking him to come home to at least let me in."

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:30

Yeah I agree you can go fetch the keys and he meets you to hand them over without gate crashing the party. That's acceptable, rocking up at his work party I would say less so unless he invited you to join.

I've been in your shoes and usually it's down to simple brains that don't think or have common sense, not down to someone intentionally wanting to leave you stuck.

Butchyrestingface · 13/12/2024 23:30

Copperoliverbear · 13/12/2024 23:28

@Plastictrees I have read the updates, if she asks him to meet her outside the venue with the keys so she can go home he might meet her if she says she doesn't want to come in.
Also I do believe it's partly her fault who gives a man your keys when they keep losing theirs and who believes a man who's going to a works Christmas party that says he's not going to drink and will be home before nine. ( I'd say only a few in a million would be home )
Never put yourself in a position that makes you totally reliant on a man.
She needs to dump him, new year new start and if I had to get in debt to my mum for a locksmith I would and I'd leave his belongings on the doorstep.

The problem is she's said it's a joint tenancy so that needs to be unravelled before she can dump his shit on the doorstep or change any locks.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:30

Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

Show quote history

I am truly disgusted at some of the replies on here. The ignorance is astounding. The gate at the cunt farm is wide open tonight sadly.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:31

Zaap · 13/12/2024 23:25

This woman is clearly in a highly abusive and toxic relationship and has been locked out of her house when it’s freezing in the dark for hours. Try and imagine how that must feel! Have some common sense and empathy for gods sake.

Plenty of people in abusive relationships struggle to comprehend how they can leave. That’s why abusers do what they do. You’re a stranger behind a screen on the internet in your presumably safe, warm house trying to tell her how many options she has open to her. Easy for you to say from a place of privilege. You don’t know her or anything about her life other than what she’s written which is awful. You don’t live her life or suffer the consequences of it to tell her that’s she’s not ready to be helped. Your arrogance and ignorance is exceptional.

Why would she hope to end up hospitalised? It’s a serious possibility if he doesn’t come back. She can’t currently get herself out of a situation that an abuser has put her in. Why are you accusing her of being manipulative when she’s clearly struggling and in a vulnerable position? That’s sure what it sounds like. We don’t use Mumsnet as a way to bring people down emotionally when they’re literally at an all time low in their lives. Does it make you feel superior? It should make you feel shameful and embarrassed. Mumsnet is for people who want to help. Do better.

Show quote history

That was at Merryoldgoat by the way not you Zaap

RogueFemale · 13/12/2024 23:31

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 13/12/2024 23:28

Victim shaming at its finest.

Show quote history

Victim of what? There has been no abuse. He's just an arsehole boyfriend.

Original poster
FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:32

Oh he knows I’m locked out.
My neighbour isn’t in and the only one that is, is a woman with a new baby. They turn their doorbell off at night. Flats are abit dodgy.

He’s fucking locked me out.
He’s fucking locked me out.
OP posts:
Mamabearsmile · 13/12/2024 23:32

AlohaRose · 13/12/2024 22:06

So he's 15 mins away? Can you get a taxi to wherever he is? And if that is your only key, get another one cut urgently.

No dont get another one cut. Ever...
.

MrsResponder · 13/12/2024 23:33

Aw, lovely, get yourself somewhere warm, quick. Whatever is affordable at the moment, McDonald's, cheap hotel room, buzzing someone in the building to let you in. This is the absolute priority. The money, unfairness, inconsideration, that can all be discussed later. Now you need to be inside, warm and safe.

You're understandably angry at the moment, but fury is stopping you from helping yourself. Do something now to solve the first problem, being cold and outside.

Don't forget it though. When you're back safe and warm at home remember just how unnecessarily miserable, cold and unsafe he made you through his selfish decisions. Then decide what to do next to solve that. I think in the light of day it will become clear.

LumpyandBumps · 13/12/2024 23:34

The gate at the cunt farm is wide open tonight

I must save this for future use. 🤣

betterangels · 13/12/2024 23:34

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 22:06

He has my keys. The reason there’s one set of keys is because he lost the spare.

Show quote history

And this is why he would be paying for a locksmith.

Alittlebitfluffy · 13/12/2024 23:34

FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:32

Oh he knows I’m locked out.
My neighbour isn’t in and the only one that is, is a woman with a new baby. They turn their doorbell off at night. Flats are abit dodgy.

What did you say back to that message? He's asking what you want, so tell him..

Original poster
FuckingFreezing1 · 13/12/2024 23:34

I’m in McDonald’s thankfully, phone was literally on its last legs and they’ve got the wireless chargers on the tables thank GOD

OP posts:
terracottacountryfarm · 13/12/2024 23:35

Hi OP, question is, why are you still with him then if you are sick of him?

Renamedyetagain · 13/12/2024 23:35

I mean, keep living life this way if it's what you want. You do you, etc.

Or, set the bar at least marginally higher.

ilovesooty · 13/12/2024 23:36

I'm glad at least you're somewhere warm and able to charge your phone.

Doubledenim305 · 13/12/2024 23:36

Thebissue is bigger than the keys. Sadly