PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

[Mama7]

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

Who are you going to complain to, though? A group of volunteers!m? The school that benefits from the fundraising? Because probably they just won’t bother putting it on next year.

Could you not have told your child you would stop at the supermarket at the way home and buy them a donut if they were upset?

Thank you for this. They really do an amazing job. We raised £6,000 at the last event, half went to the school and half to the local children’s hospital. Such worthy events and the members and additional volunteers work so hard and are so appreciated, I’m sorry that that didn’t come across in my original post.
That’s a great idea, thank you 💜

She's a volunteer, putting the event on in her own free time.

Poor planning by volunteers is still poor planning.

I don’t sit on the PTA committee but I offer my time at events and also lead some events (including bake sales). Yes it’s difficult ensuring there’s enough for everyone without masses of food waste but it is possible with planning. They screwed up.

I don’t think the other people are even being greedy- they may think they are doing the school a favour by spending their money.

it’s a doughnut, a school fair and volunteers. Honestly you were unreasonable then and even more so That you want to speak to the head because you didn’t get a doughnut?

the Head puts a limit on and are you paying to cover any leftovers?

I didn’t offer that no, I was focussed on my child. I absolutely should have,
you’re completely right.
I didn’t forget that, no. And that wasn’t my point of the post (it was about figuring out how to stop having disappointed children and not liking being talked to aggressively) but judging by some
of these responses I haven’t done a good job of explaining that. Maybe I was too focused on giving all the details rather than my actual point.
For that I apologise. Please see my previous replies if you care to hear my thoughts on the PTA as a whole.

I already have 💜 thank you

😂😂 👏🏼

Thank you. Of course, 3 sides to every story and all that but an honest account from my end.
Other than friendly passing playground/event smiles, nothing.

My god let it go. She’s a volunteer. Your passive aggressive remark was absolutely not needed and it’s ridiculous to get huffy that she didn’t appreciate it.

If you think you can manage these events better then step up and offer your time.

Storm in a teacup.

I expect you weren’t the only person to complain and she was just stressed and defensive. The people buying up huge boxes of them are the most unreasonable in this scenario.

Whilst that was honestly not my intention i do understand that that is how she could have felt. I’m sorry for that.
I really do try to and i seriously don’t like using the ‘ND’ card but that’s often easier said than done for me.
Im admittedly a 40 year old work in progress.

But they're Krispy Kreme!

So what if they did? They're volunteer parents with busy lives, it happens. People are human, no need to berate them at a stressful time for it.

Please know your inclusivity is so hugely appreciated 💜 you sound amazing!

and this comment tells me you don’t have small children who would be very disappointed

You’ve gone from “I’m going to complain to the head” to all nicey nicey 🙄

Just want to point out that the job of the PTA is to raise funds for the school. It's not to act as substitute teachers / TAs, provide pastoral care or promote inclusion. It's nice if they do that, but really not the main aim.

I remember that once our head got a complaint about the PTA being drunk at the summer fair. The head immediately sent a scathing email to the school about how she would not stand for nasty gossip and criticism of PTA volunteers. So the complainant got a result, but not the one they wanted.

I’m not berating them. In my world if you take on a task you do it properly, whether or not it’s a paid role. They didn’t. And I’m speaking having run what sounds like an identical event. It’s fine for a parent to (perhaps more politely/later than the OP) question what happened. How many donuts did they buy? How many kids in the school? What time does selling start? How many can each person buy? What do we do with any leftovers? Etc.

Thank you, i appreciate this 💜
I wouldn’t have made the post an AITA if I wasn’t prepared to be told I am.
You live and learn ey

I agree it's really annoying for you and your child but I've been on the receiving end of angry parents at PTA donut stall and after the third or so person you do really feel like saying eff off.

I had bought and decorated donuts been told off by the after school club and parents for them selling out too soon and it just makes you think what is the bloody point.

If you buy too many they are wasted and a loss to the school so you can't really win.

I got shouted at and spoken really rudely by someone at our school summer fair for not putting a school mums small business in a more prominent place too and I wanted to just tell her to bloody do it herself and join the PtA if she wasn't happy. I've got a full time job three children and one of which is disabled and I'm doing this to try and raise money for an underfunded school don't bloody shout at me!!

The PTA lady sounds like she was a bit rude but being a member of the PTA is a pretty thankless role and she may have had the same thing said to her already - having made the mistake of not buying enough donughts. The PTA is just volunteers trying to raise money for the school so maybe cut her some slack. They probably didn’t anticipate people buying 12 donughts in one go so weren’t prepared to say “no not allowed” - next year they will probably do it differently. You could have just bought your daughter a donught on the way home.

You mean I’ve taken the criticism on board, accepted my own wrong doings and endeavoured to do better? Thank you 💜

Doughnut😁(fighting the good fight for English spelling)

I agree with them. If you don't like how things are done, either volunteer yourself or suck it up.