PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

[Mama7]

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

Why is a school selling doughnuts?
I thought schools profiting from selling unhealthy foods went out in the 1990s!

Yes her attitude was terrible and the parents taking away boxes were CFs. But unless you are American, it’s spelt “doughnut”. Sorry, but all the Americanisms creeping over here are really getting on my tits! Whenever I see “any more” written as one word I want to scream and I’ve seen it on nearly every post on MN today, so I admit that “donuts” has probably triggered me more than is reasonable.

If you're getting triggered to the point where you feel you can't not pull complete strangers up on their perfectly understandable posts, you should probably avoid the internet altogether really.

It's not like anyone's going to change just to do you a favour.

I have an autistic child.

I'm clearly not a 6 yr old autistic child, but I have plenty of experience of dealing with my autistic child thanks.

I think it’s easy to forget the effort that goes into arranging these events. Disappointing not to get a donut but I’m sure it’s something you’ll be able to cope with

Everyone has their triggers, as you’ve just proved by taking the time to reply to a comment that wasn’t even aimed at you! And anyway, correct spelling is correct spelling, it’s not “doing me a favour”.

You're one of those parents too aren't you?

So, if you join the PTA it’s ok to make up the rules - including deciding that the stated time for something has inexplicably changed to earlier than announced - because you’re volunteering to do it? That’s like deciding that because you’ve volunteered to work in a charity shop, it’s ok to make the rules up, because you’re doing it for free. Whether it’s playing fast and loose with opening hours or allowing friends special privileges to the detriment of others, I’m pretty sure that’s not how volunteering works. It’s not there as a way to leverage power. And it’s bang out of order to make OP feel ashamed that she’s questioned what’s happened.

Just because you’re doing something for free doesn’t mean you can go rogue. If this PTA person is that salty about other people justifiably pointing out that she appeared to have changed the goal posts, she shouldn’t be doing it.

Its their donut stand, of course its ok for them to make up the rules. You have a queue of people at 3:20 wanting donuts so you start selling them. It would be weird to make everyone wait until bang on 3:30. Either some people will miss out or they will have stock left. Impossible to get it dead right.

Weird to stick to stated times? Don’t bother with times, then. And if people are queuing, make them wait. ‘It’s their donut stand’: what a ridiculous excuse.

The aim is to raise funds. They bought what they thought was the right amount. Some people bought more than they thought.
They ran out

Really you are getting worked up about a donut......

Just buy one on the way home!

Maybe you could suggest that next year, they should reserve some doughnuts just for the 6yo autistic kids?

and their parents...

PTAs are a mixed bag. I've encountered all sorts; genuine parents who want the best for the children and do their best for school events and power hungry tyrants and the ones who promise time & energy but never actually turn up & do anything much.
Our school disbanded the PTA a few years ago and staff run everything themselves. They put on much more than previously and make more money that is spent on the children and facilities.

Well surely you would appreciate the fact that if the OP’s child was expecting a doughnut its quite a big deal to that child that there wasn’t any doughnuts available. If i had told my autistic child or he knew that there would be doughnuts at an event and he wanted one and when we got there they had sold out i’d literally have to go to the shop on the way home and get him one.

Ah, those PTA days

… about 45% of parents would complain we hadn’t made enough money from an event

… another 45% would complain that the price of the event was too high

The remaining 10% would say both things at once.

Cannot win

(if they’d made the 3.20 people queue until 3.30, there would still have been no doughnuts left for the people who joined the queue at 3.30.)

selling something that they'd have to buy in at high cost sounds like a really stupid idea anyway - why not mince pies or non krispy kreme donuts that they could buy from a supermarket and sell at a profit?

KK do some sort of deal for charities so you make a profit and as displayed the branding gets the scramble going which seems abit sad but there you go

Our old headteacher wouldn’t let us sell sweets or fizzy drinks because the school had a Healthy Schools Award. And after an incident at a summer fayre, no alcohol.

Other local PTAs were making £000s on Pimms and haribo, but it was a permanent “no” for us.

New head had a more pragmatic approach that it was fine to sell sweets and pop at events. It made a world of difference, and we practically rebuilt the outside space and put in a sensory room in the space of 4 years!

There’s a very naive assumption it’s all co ordinated. The email will have probably been sent by school office and said join us at 3.30 for Christmas singing.
PTA setting up stalls. They have people coming to purchase and start selling. I wouldn’t even have a watch on if I was volunteering doing lifting and carrying and washing up etc.
It’s voluntary. I assume they do donuts as decent profit. Lots of people especially children don’t like mince pies and it’s not a high profit item.
Anything with food is a hassle - collecting and storing, how much to buy, allergies/halal/vegan.

https://www.krispykreme.co.uk/fundraising-doughnuts-how-it-works?srsltid=AfmBOorlFDLwHfY6VlFJ-ABcgGcllHF7eKnNeT6JvH1CKizF-vswTqvL

Out of curiosity I googled and max order is 50 x 12 so 600 donuts. Depending on size of school that’s not many.

Yay, even krispy use the english spelling.

Doughnuts.

250 kids at ours. This would have been loads. Nearest KK is about 15 miles away but will mention to current PTA.

Krispy are an expensive treat in this house. The best doughnuts are the ones that are freshly fried and dipped in sugar.😘👌

Which is precisely what I said, I couldn't get this worked up about it I'd just get them something once I left to make up for it, they were the actual words I'd said.