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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PTA mum with bad attitude or AITA?

351 replies

Mama7 · 13/12/2024 16:36

School festive celebrations today after school being run by the PTA. They were selling hot drinks, sweets and crispy crème donuts with some songs performed by the school choir. Email clearly states that the celebrations start at 3:30 however all donuts (which were billed as the main event) were already sold by the time we got there at 3:25, 5 minutes BEFORE the celebrations were even due to start.
I asked if there were any donuts left and was abruptly told no, my autistic 6 year old started to cry as I’d promised her one (absolutely my mistake there!) I (politely) replied “oh what a shame, the email said it didn’t start until half past, there’s going to be some disappointed children” The PTA woman then went into a rant saying “if you don’t like it maybe you should volunteer for the PTA, source the donuts, collect the donuts, organise the event and it started at 20 past so you should have got here sooner!” I replied that I wasn’t criticising the PTA, just merely pointing out that the children who didn’t manage to get one would be disappointed and the email clearly says it starts at half past. She said NO, maybe it’s the choir that start at half past. I said “I'm not lying, I’d be happy to show you the email?” She then turned to another PTA woman where they were both clearly talking about me.
My bug bear (as well as being spoken to like an idiot) is that people were walking away with huge boxes fitting 12 donuts and other people just had disappointed kids to deal with. Surely there should be a limit to make it fair.?
Im considering writing to the head and asking them to consider having a limit per person next year to avoid this or AITA who should have managed my child and mines expectations better.?

OP posts:
quantumbutterfly · 14/12/2024 16:52

They don't seem to have a place for someone with a sense of humour. Are you Chippy PTAW?

tommyhoundmum · 14/12/2024 17:49

I think it was understandable that you were both disappointed and there was no reason to speak to you like that when you just asked a question. Wouldn't bother complaining though just put it down to experience.

TieYourTrampolineDownSport · 14/12/2024 18:07

She has volunteered her time at a really busy time of year! I understand your child was disappointed but do not critise the people who are “doing” the stuff. If you don’t like it - give up your own time to run it better.

DailyEnergyCrisis · 14/12/2024 18:34

Being on the PTA I must say that the mums who pull the “will you think of all the terribly disappointed children” guilt trip are the absolute least popular of all the passive aggressive complainers. No one joins a pta to disappoint kids and no one joins to be guilt tripped by a mother lacking restraint and resilience. A good few of us on the pta have ND kids and none of us would dream of pulling this shit- it just doesn’t fly.

LittleBalletBum · 14/12/2024 18:38

I am usually on the side of “I won’t criticise the PTA because I really don’t want to be a part of it but it’s great that people are”

but it does sound like poor planning and they could have anticipated a higher demand as well as putting a limit if they didn’t have loads. How many can they have had in the first place if they sold out in 5/10 minutes?

you were stating fact but also it does sound like you were being snippy.

no one looks great tbh.

LittleBalletBum · 14/12/2024 18:39

I wouldn’t complain. You’d sound ridiculous and they have probably already taken note of a better way to do it next time. They aren’t stupid

Cakeandusername · 14/12/2024 18:45

I can understand your dc being disappointed but it’s volunteer run. The event was the singing the extras like donuts are just pta trying to make some money. They may not have realised about email start time sent by school or had good reason to start early like wanting to watch the show. If you want it done differently then you volunteer next time.
I give a lot of time to volunteering as well as working ft and some parents don’t appreciate what’s involved.
If she’s left work early, dashed to shop to buy a load of donuts - perhaps emailed shop to arrange large order and carried them all in, set up stall (probably having to set up furniture) missed her own dc singing you must see your ‘helpful’ comments goes down like a lead balloon.

cakewench · 14/12/2024 18:47

I mean, I agree that they've cocked up their ordering quantities.

However, unfortunately, I've been on the PTA side of this sort of situation, and it's just such a pain to try to figure out how much you will need. And you never want leftovers so I'm guessing they just put some volunteers in charge of selling and weren't too worried about anyone being disappointed as long as they all sold. Hopefully they will learn for next time.

There's another aspect as well: where we live (Midlands) the Krispy Kreme you have to pick these orders up from is in the middle of a shopping mall half hour away, and then miles away from wherever you parked because it's in the mall. If the person who did the ordering and picking up wasn't prepared, she will have made SEVERAL 10min + trips to and from the shop to the car with the boxes. It's honestly the most thankless task and I don't know anyone who has offered to do it twice 😁

(In case anyone wants to blah blah 'no one asked you to do it' yeah ok, noted 🙄 don't worry, I don't do it anymore, but I still work at a school so I see a lot of events)

I'm glad you had a backup plan and your DD did get something nice in the end!

Mikki77 · 14/12/2024 19:07

Most of the PTA mothers I've been unfortunate to come across are self titled, middle class, full of self importance who talk down to everyone else. Ugh!

Bunny2607 · 14/12/2024 19:28

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 16:39

Couldn't even dream of getting worked up over a donut.

You clearly have no experience dealing with autistic children.

CalmMintReader · 14/12/2024 19:36

Eyresandgraces · 13/12/2024 16:44

So pleased my dc are adults.
Dh and I have both done stints on the PTA and would never have dreamed of being so rude and we absolutely would have worked out donuts based on each dc buying one.
Your PTA have messed up this time.

To be fair they are marketed to be sold as boxes as a Krispy Creme fundraisers - so buy one or the whole box. They are really popular. As a former PTA chair I can see both sides. No need for the rudeness though, ever!

MustWeDoThis · 14/12/2024 19:47

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 16:39

Couldn't even dream of getting worked up over a donut.

Probably because you're not an autistic 6yr old and don't have to deal with one having a melt down. 🤔

Shotokan101 · 14/12/2024 20:23

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 13/12/2024 16:51

Also you were trying to buy one at 3.25 so why did you criticise them for selling them before 3.30?

Seriously?

Shotokan101 · 14/12/2024 20:25

Pootles34 · 13/12/2024 16:47

She's a volunteer, putting the event on in her own free time. They will have spent ages on that event, to have people complain is just soul destroying.

It's not like a commercially run event, you can't expect the same professionalism.

Then they need to learn how to prevent the problem(easily done) and how to politely address parents concerns about the matter....

Shotokan101 · 14/12/2024 20:26

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2024 17:06

You sound like the PITA. Typical parent who likes to critcise but doesn't bother doing anything themselves

And you sound just like the rude PTA cow TBH.....

Shotokan101 · 14/12/2024 20:28

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 13/12/2024 16:49

I think she has a point - if you have strong views on how donut selling should be organised then perhaps you should help with the donut selling. I think our PTA could do a few things differently but since I'm not prepared to give my own time to help and they are I keep my mouth shut and thank them for their events rather than criticising.

Thanks for the laugh..... 🤣

stichguru · 14/12/2024 20:32

They are volunteers trying to do an event to make money for YOUR CHILD'S school, so that YOUR CHILD can maybe have more resources, go on a trip etc. Yes, a very professional event, run by professional event organisers, should have enough donuts to go round, but this is not that.

Stop being rude
Manage your own child's behaviour
Don't make promises to your child when you aren't in control of what you are promising
Volunteer yourself if you think it should be different.

Mrsgreen100 · 14/12/2024 20:46

IME that’s pretty normal behaviour from PTA
mums
in my child’s school, they thought it was a great plan to sell energy drinks to 10 year olds
try to point that out !!!
like dealing with aliens

Moll2020 · 14/12/2024 21:04

PTA messed up big time. They need to be clear about start times and make sure they’ve got enough of everything.

MumblesParty · 14/12/2024 21:48

Shotokan101 · 14/12/2024 20:25

Then they need to learn how to prevent the problem(easily done) and how to politely address parents concerns about the matter....

@Shotokan101 if you read the thread you’ll learn that getting the correct quantities is almost impossible, as demand is unpredictable.

TheaBrandt · 14/12/2024 22:04

Shotokan when you run your events how do you estimate how much stock to buy so you are not left with lots left over thereby costing the school you are fundraising for whilst also ensuring every child has a donut? Interested to hear? TIA

Emergency72 · 14/12/2024 22:13

Please don’t write to the head. They will have better things to worry about.

AllYearsAround · 14/12/2024 22:36

Moll2020 · 14/12/2024 21:04

PTA messed up big time. They need to be clear about start times and make sure they’ve got enough of everything.

They don't need enough - they need to sell everything and make a profit.

ColdMorningToday · 14/12/2024 22:41

You're both donuts. Move on!!

Sinthie · 14/12/2024 22:53

Definitely don’t bother the Head over doughnuts.