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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son 16.5 yrs. and home after drinking alcohol

121 replies

preparingforit · 13/12/2024 14:32

I am a single parent. My 16.5 yr old came home after a couple of drinks last evening at eight. He wasn't drunk but speech slurred a little.
His father will be aggressive and shout at him for ages if I ring to tell him. They have no relationship to speak of as my exh has very little interest in ou children and abandoned them for all intents and purposes.
He wades in every now and again trying to throw his weight around but the kids really dislike him.
My son is crying on the phone today as I was very upset with him.
I have no issue buying him a few cans and dropping/ collecting him for a party .
Am I being totally unreasonable here ?

OP posts:
OrwellianTimes · 13/12/2024 14:33

Did you ever go out drinking at nearly 17?

FranticHare · 13/12/2024 14:34

I'm obviously missing a lot..

Why would you ring his father, who has abandoned him, to say he had a couple of drinks?

ItGhoul · 13/12/2024 14:34

His father will be aggressive and shout at him for ages if I ring to tell him

Don't tell him then.

I don't really get what the problem is. If you don't want your son drinking (although I think you're unlikely to be able to stop him having the odd beer at nearly 17 years old) then have that conversation with him yourself. You don't need to snitch to his father.

I have no issue buying him a few cans and dropping/ collecting him for a party

Why are you annoyed that he'd been drinking then?! What is your issue exactly? He wasn't even drunk, just very slightly tipsy.

MatildaTheCat · 13/12/2024 14:35

I’m sorry but I don’t understand your question. On one hand you are very upset that he came home quite drunk yet on the other you are happy to buy him alcohol to drink. Why is he crying? That’s pretty extreme for a 16 year old lad.

CatsndtheBear · 13/12/2024 14:35

Dont tell your ex.

Foster a relationship with your son where he feels safe with you and safe to call you if he needs you.

He was a bit tipsy at nearly 17. Definitely set boundaries with him and talk about the dangers of drinking. But making it a huge deal will just make him hide things from you and potentially put him in more unsafe situations.

ScaryGrotbag · 13/12/2024 14:35

Eh, did you never get pissed at 16????

Doggymummar · 13/12/2024 14:36

Blimey. We were drinking cider in the graveyard from about 13! Why do you need to tell his dad?

Evaka · 13/12/2024 14:39

Hi OP. If his dad is a slacker bully please don't tell him this, or indeed anything about your son that isn't strictly necessary. You're the primary parent.

Summerbreeze456 · 13/12/2024 14:40

So don't tell his dad? It's nothing I'd get hung up about.
We live in Germany, though, and the legal drinking age is 16. I have friends who got completely pissed every weekend from age 14 onwards. Not much else to do in their little village...

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 14:45

Why would you ring his "father"?

Whybare you upset with him?

What's he done wrong?

Give him a break.

Notchangingnameagain · 13/12/2024 14:48

Massive overreaction. Fucking hell.

NeedToChangeName · 13/12/2024 14:51

came home after a couple of drinks last evening at eight. He wasn't drunk but speech slurred a little...........My son is crying on the phone today as I was very upset with him......I have no issue buying him a few cans and dropping/ collecting him for a party

You're giving him mixed messages. You think it's OK to buy him a few cans but you're upset when he drinks them and it has the inevitable effect? You need to be clear what your position is

Marblesbackagain · 13/12/2024 14:54

Christ seems to the a rush to the bottom of people are okay with 16 year olds being impacted by alcohol.

No wonder people can't get liver transplants for genetic conditions when people are okay with growing teen bodies and brains being abused by alcohol! 😔

And no I didn't drink at 16 and neither does my 16 year old. He has more respect for his growing body.

I would punish him and tell him the bald facts of his future if he keeps it up.

Catza · 13/12/2024 14:55

Yeah, you are being totally unreasonable here and I honestly don't understand why you would feel the need to inform the father.

LittleMissLateForWorkAgain · 13/12/2024 14:58

Don't tell his dad. Way to break his trust and insure he never confides in you again.

The vast majority of teens have been the worse for a few drinks at that age. My own 2 included but they always knew any sticky situation I would pick them up.

Sadly I have ended up looking after a few of their friends who were drunk and scared to go home due to parents like your son s dad.
It puts them at more risk as if they don't have a good friendship group to look out for them and trusted adults to rely on there are plenty of untrustworthy people around to take advantage.

ZippyLimeSnake · 13/12/2024 15:02

I’m really confused & I’ve read your post twice to try understand what you’re actually even asking?

Don’t tell his dad, I mean why an earth would you?
You’ve said he came home at 8 (sensible time) with slightly slurred speech (sensible to know his limits).

I literally don’t see the issue. If you make a fuss he’ll only end up doing it behind your back. As long as he isn’t doing it all the time & is sensible about it I don’t think it’s a big problem.

TheSilkWorm · 13/12/2024 15:02

What's your dilemma here? It's not clear

BodyKeepingScore · 13/12/2024 15:03

Why would you ring his father if he plays no active part in parenting your son? This doesn't make sense?

HPandthelastwish · 13/12/2024 15:03

Why would you involve his dad?

Teen DD has a good relationship with hers and I'd still only ring him if she were in hospital or something serious had happened.

This is for you to sort out if there is anything to sort, home by 8 and nearly 17 isn't a massive issue particularly as you condone him drinking anyway..

LakieLady · 13/12/2024 15:05

Doggymummar · 13/12/2024 14:36

Blimey. We were drinking cider in the graveyard from about 13! Why do you need to tell his dad?

Cheap wine in the bus shelter for me and my mates, also at 13.

I was always the one that had to go in the offy and get it though, none of my mates could pass for 18.

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 15:09

Marblesbackagain · 13/12/2024 14:54

Christ seems to the a rush to the bottom of people are okay with 16 year olds being impacted by alcohol.

No wonder people can't get liver transplants for genetic conditions when people are okay with growing teen bodies and brains being abused by alcohol! 😔

And no I didn't drink at 16 and neither does my 16 year old. He has more respect for his growing body.

I would punish him and tell him the bald facts of his future if he keeps it up.

Liver transplant is a massive stretch from someone having a couple of drinks. Quite dramatic.

Oistinemup · 13/12/2024 15:09

This is a total non issue

He sounds sensible enough - got home at a decent time and was only slightly tipsy.

It’s all part of growing up and learning to navigate socially.

Dont go off at him - have a chat and keep it light.

No need to contact the dad

Bournetilly · 13/12/2024 15:10

YABVU. He had a few drinks at 16 years old. He wasn’t even drunk. Why do you need to tell his father who isn’t even bothered about him?

Lindy2 · 13/12/2024 15:10

Why would you even thinking of telling an absent father this?

He's 16. He's experimented with a bit of alcohol and returned home. A place he should be safe.

Tell him to be careful not to overdo it. Make sure he and his friends look after each other when they're out and let him sleep it off.

CautiousLurker01 · 13/12/2024 15:10

Um, al 16/17 year old have the odd drink with friends. It’s no big deal. He’ll have a headache this morning and reconsider whether he wants to do it again/drink as much next time. If you said he comes home bladdered every night of the week and is out until 3 am drinking and taking drugs, you’d have a problem, but even at his age, its normal to push boundaries and have a few drinks once in a while with friends. Am guess it was a ‘christmas party’.

Make sure he’s hydrated, offer him something substantial to eat and some paracetamol, tell him you’re a bit disappointed in him if you must, and just move on. No need to make a drama out of it or contact his dad. Most dads would just laugh anyway.