Son 16.5 yrs. and home after drinking alcohol

[preparingforit]

I am a single parent. My 16.5 yr old came home after a couple of drinks last evening at eight. He wasn't drunk but speech slurred a little.
His father will be aggressive and shout at him for ages if I ring to tell him. They have no relationship to speak of as my exh has very little interest in ou children and abandoned them for all intents and purposes.
He wades in every now and again trying to throw his weight around but the kids really dislike him.
My son is crying on the phone today as I was very upset with him.
I have no issue buying him a few cans and dropping/ collecting him for a party .
Am I being totally unreasonable here ?

Who says I haven't?

Overreacting to much.
My son is 21 he got hammered at 13 again at 14151617 18.
I wasn't happy with hin but i didn't fly of the handle either neither did i tell his dad.
I got some good pics from it.
We laugh about now as he don't drink like that any more thank god hes grown up.
But we have all been there even i have.
Let the boy have some fun.

I am and adult child of a parent who does from liver genetic disease. The research into it is continually delayed due to the significant increase of young people appearing with alcohol impacted liver disease. I have attended over twenty years of liver condition international conferences due to my late mothers medical condition.

I have spent approximately six months every year supporting research teams in a voluntary basis. Do you want my other outing details?

Managed to raise three healthy teens who had a few drink before turning 18 - they can in-fact drink with a meal legally before 18 and , while a few perfect kids never even sip a beer until 12:01 on their 18th (when they often have no experience and go OTT) in the normal world having and odd drink at 16 is not going to kill then.

And yet the statistics show the earlier drinking is directly correlated with higher risk of liver and addiction. But sure what let medical fact get in the way of your sample of three🤦‍♀️

And this is the UK residents aren't welcome in a growing number of countries!

Why would you tell his dad?

As predicted you couldn't show me 1 "factual" report where a 16 year old had a couple of drinks and then got a liver transplant.

I have manners thanks, just can't be doing with dramatic people who have made up their own facts and labelled someone who has had about 3 drinks a binge drinker causing backlogs of transplants for genetic disorders. From literally 3 or so drinks. Massive reach.

Whatever you do not a word to his waster father.

I would reassure your son that your sole concern is his safety, that you love him and won't say a word to his father.
None of his business as he doesn't live with ye.
That alcohol is a bad idea when he is underage.

I am very very anti underage drinking alcohol, despite doing it myself.

With my own children I got 3 to witnin weeks of 18 and they are not drinkers today.

My youngest daughter rang us one night ill from vodka asking to be collected at just 16.
We were shocked a nd stunned.

However, we were relieved she called.
We focused completely on her safety and that spirits are so strong and she can't metabolise them being so tiny.

We never gave out.
I did say that I didn't want it to be repeated as she put herself at risk.

She had the hangover from hell and there has been no repeat.

I have made it crystal clear if she or any friend is ever stuck, to never hesitate to call us as we will never judge as we just want her and them save.

Pethaps I am lax but my childs safety is all that matters.
I want her to know that we are on her side always.

Too many of her friends live double lives where their parents haven't a clue.

I would rather be in the know as I know myself that my parents hadn't a clue what we were up to.

Safety first here.
My eldest son lectured me over me being so gentle with her🙄.

@Marblesbackagain FFS stop hogging the thread and making it all about you.

OP - I have a 19 and 20 year old, both on at least one occasion had a bit too much to drink at that age. Both now functioning young people, pleased to say neither are alcoholics and their brains seem to ok.

Why is he crying ? He's a young lad I'd cut him some slack , he's experimenting and as you said you would buy him cans I don't get why you are angry. He feels comfortable coming home with a bit of drink on him keep it that way , the last thing you want is to make him afraid of having an honest open relationship with you . Talk to him about safe drinking and always calling you if he needs to .

He's crying because he's drunk the cans you've bought him, and now you're angry with him and threatening to call his abusive absent father and he is scared of what's going to happen then.

It's not your son who needs to look at his behaviour. It's his parents.

You’re being unreasonable even thinking about telling his absent, aggressive father. Why would you do that? If he’s crying is fear something he’s had to endure through his childhood?

I am not going paying for access to research papers when you can Google in your jurisdiction the reports. Your report would be flicked here. And yet again the age the transplant assessment is 30 rather than 16! As I clearly stated.
And yet again your interpretation of manners is really something to be aware of because it is nowhere near the threshold.

Eh I am responding to direct quotes I suggest you follow a different thread if it doesn't suit you.

I was rolling around in parks drunk and went abroad alone with friends getting drunk every night at 16.
It's awful to think that now but it might put things in perspective.
Loads of our generation would have done this.
Don't tell the useless dad. He serves no useful function here.

Correlation is not causation - it does not mean that every 16yo who had a handful of nights where they drunk alcohol will develop liver disease. It shows that amongst people who develop it in adulthood, a large percentage may have begun drinking alcohol in excess during their teens. The two things are not the same.

Why in the name of all that's good and holy would you call his father and snitch?

@Marblesbackagain

"I have spent approximately six months every year supporting research teams in a voluntary basis. Do you want my other outing details?"

No, but the additional context is helpful in seeing where you're coming from. I'm sorry about your mum. And the point around lack of research into liver disease because of the interaction with alcohol is both interesting and frustrating. But I respectfully disagree that banning teenagers from alcohol is the way forward. I completely get that your son doesn't want to drink as he's seen what has happened to his grandmother. But most 16 year olds think they are going to live forever... I don't thjnk just flat banning it is going to work for the vast majority of them.

@Marblesbackagain
No it's not. I suggest you read your jurisdictions medical research in the ridiculous increase of 30 and below year olds needing transplants due to alcohol abuse.
It is blatantly obvious due to the cavalier attitude to under age drinking what's fueling it."

I haven't in detail searched every medical journal - but the studies I have been able to find are US based and largely put the risk of younger adults needing a transplant down to alcohol use during covid. Those studies say around half of the people on the transplant list are on there due to alcohol cirrhosis.

Looking at the UK stats - in 2019 there were 334 people on the transplant list rising to 697 in 2023 - if we assume that the American stats around half being alcohol related apply then the risk of needing a liver transplant for alcohol related reasons has increased from 1 in 400,000 to 2 in 400,000 based on population.

To put that into context - the risk of dying in a road traffic accident is 1 in 42,000!

The number of teens experimenting with alcohol is reducing massively - In 2023 37% of 11 to 15 year olds reported ever having consumed alcohol and 7% in the last week, down from 44% in 2016 with 10% in the last week.

In 1996 the figures were 62% having ever consumed alcohol and 26% in the last week.

So no, lax attitudes to teens experimenting with a few beers is not contributing to an uptick in younger adults needing liver transplants!

However, I understand why your personal experience may influence your views on this!

Why would you even think of telling his absent Father if you know he’s a bully and an arse.
It’s normal for teens to experiment with drink. It doesn’t sound like he was totally blotto and obviously is scared of your reaction so probably wont try it again for a while. I think you need to chill out about it. He came safely home , that’s the main thing.

Actually the Germans and the Russians are also not welcome in many countries. Is that because some of them may have had an alcoholic beverage at 16 too?

The highest percentage of patients in the US with liver disease have NAFLD, followed by hepatitis related LD. Alcohol exposure does not begin to represent as much of a risk as, say, being obese.

it is an extreme over reaction and misunderstanding of the data to be quite so hysterical about a 16yo who probably had 3pints. Once.

So you're ok with him drinking? In which case just don't tell his dad. You say you'll buy him drinks so why were you upset with him.
Lots of people that age do drink. They can get served in shops and pubs and many have jobs, so there's little you can do to ban it. His dad sounds horrible so don't involve him in what your son gets up to for fun.