Son 16.5 yrs. and home after drinking alcohol

[preparingforit]

I am a single parent. My 16.5 yr old came home after a couple of drinks last evening at eight. He wasn't drunk but speech slurred a little.
His father will be aggressive and shout at him for ages if I ring to tell him. They have no relationship to speak of as my exh has very little interest in ou children and abandoned them for all intents and purposes.
He wades in every now and again trying to throw his weight around but the kids really dislike him.
My son is crying on the phone today as I was very upset with him.
I have no issue buying him a few cans and dropping/ collecting him for a party .
Am I being totally unreasonable here ?

I didn’t tell my kids dad when they did this at similar ages and they drank until they were very drunk. He’s an Every Other Weekend sort of dad who doesn’t parent since we split so I don’t feel guilty. It would annoy me more if I talked to him about this and he acted like he was an involved parent or didn’t say anything. I’ve handled all the parenting since he left and accept that.

I’ve had experiences drinking when I suddenly realise that I’ve had too much so it’s not reasonable for my kids to know to stop drinking before they reach that point too.

I didn’t tell them off but I was clear that if this was a regular thing then I wouldn’t be so understanding. Their hangover and feeling shit the next day was lesson enough. They drink but are more mindful and it’s not a regular thing which is healthy imo.

They were all told to look out for the other members of the group that they drink with. A couple of times they had to call another parent to pick up their child which is totally the right thing to do - I wouldn’t want a child to die sleeping outdoors or come to harm like that NHS worker who was raped to death while unconscious. I used child as in offspring of adults rather than very young people btw - my kids are young adults and I call them my children because that’s what they are.

It also helped that they accepted that they’d had too much to drink and were embarrassed about it. If they’d denied it or did it again then I wouldn’t be so chill. TBH I worry more about drugs. So many stories about them being spiked with other stuff and the devastation caused by the people forced into the industry (County Lines, people in developing countries making it etc )

You are buying alchol for him.
What do you expect to happen?
He has your approval.

How confusing for him.
You need to be clear with him on what you expect.

Poor boy has things hard enough with a father like that.

Your post is very confusing.

You say he had a couple of drinks and wasn't drunk, you also say that you don't mind buying him a few beers. So why were you upset with him and why is he now crying?

Why would it even cross your radar to mention it to his dad, as they don't really have much of a relationship, it's not really any of dad's business.

Is that level of pedantry really necessary?

Bit much

Okay, share it here, then! The OP will sign, I'm sure.

OP has left the building after the post

I am not sure what your issue is.

If he is drinking regularly, even just a couple on a regular basis, I wouldn't be very happy. It's too young to be regularly consuming alcohol. Liver and brain are not fully developed. And where is he getting the money from? Or, more importantly, who is supplying it. This scenario would need investigation. But not necessarily involving an aggressive absent parent.

If he has wobbled in a bit worse for wear and it's not happened before, then I really wouldn't worry about it. Definitely wouldn't involve aggressive absent parent. I would more go along the lines of explaining that body not fully developed, not a good idea, maybe back it it up with links to YouTube videos etc.

But you can't say you don't mind buying him alcohol then moan if he drinks some.

Better he comes home pissed than gets drunk in the park and stays out all night at a friends house, pukes on their carpet and lies to you.

I wouldn't involve his dad - why inflame the situation?

You've likely got another year of this, better to be the parent he can call upon while he learns his limits.

not sure why even mentioned the dad thing.surely if thats case it wouldnt come up as option.
buy\supply - practive ?drink respnsibly drop of/pick up.... is your choice as parent.i think resonble enough.
theres a chapter missing tho-- if grasp at mibees id think-you were unaware son going to be do that kinda sociaalising...as said ok with ityour objection been prefer kept informed?
slurring../wrse fr wear might= feel low

shitty todqy.
crying tho? ...why?what happens when you get very upset with him?

You crack on getting your factual posts deleted. Enjoy your day.

I’m an intelligent human being with a degree, postgrad degree and an IQ that makes me eligible for Mensa. I got horribly drunk at 15 and had to be carried down a road by some friends because I’d lost my ability to both walk and see.

My brain is fine. I wouldn’t worry.

No need to pay. You can simply post links here and I will happily order full text from our research librarian.

Soooo you are ok with buying him a few beers, but not with him drinking them?!? What mixed messaging you are sending. And why on earth would you tell his abusive dad. Your poor boy. He probably doesn't know whether he's coming or going.

@preparingforit you owe your son a massive apology

I have no issue buying him
A few beers and dropping and collecting from an organised event as long as he talks to me and asks etc .
Coming in wobbly and slurring on a Thursday at 8pm is a breach of trust for me but I will not be involving his dad. You are right. It would be inflammatory and needless . Thanks everyone.

@preparingforit how on earth does it breach your trust? I guess your son should just stay at home then while all his friends meet up. In 18 months he could well be at Uni, and the people who were restrained like this prior were the ones who were completely out of control at Uni.

Eh? MN is baffling sometimes. Her son is 16 and drinking. The fact he’s 18 in 18 months is a bizarre point to make, he’s 16 now.

Wow, very sensible coming home at 8pm, why tell his father who you know will be OTT?

At that age I would be staying over at a friend's house and much much later!

You're his Mum, you buy him beer, have a word.

I’m amazed that so many people are fine with a 16 year old coming home drunk on a school night. That doesn’t seem to be the start of a healthy relationship with alcohol.

She says in her OP that he wasn’t drunk. I suspect he was a little tipsy. I think he needs to know that he’s too young to be out drinking, and certainly on a week day, but he can have an occasional beer at home.

Glad you are not involving his father. Totally unnecessary to include him if he’s aggressive.