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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel under pressure to get Botox or similar things

158 replies

TheDearReader · 13/12/2024 06:19

Hi, wondering if anyone else feels like me. It seems everyone around me (I’m 30 all friends similar age or older) is having Botox or fillers or expensive facials every month. I live in quite an affluent area and take my toddler to local classes and it seems almost all of the mums have Botox, brow laminations and all sorts done. Now I know this is my own problem but it makes me feel not good enough and like I need to join the crowd and start getting something done but honestly I don’t have the money to do it so I won’t be it just makes me feel a bit old and ugly compared to them. Does anyone else feel a pressure to get Botox or expensive facials every month and it seems that’s what everyone around you is now doing?

OP posts:
QuintessentialDragon · 13/12/2024 11:42

Nope, don't feel any pressure whatsoever. Probably stems from hight self esteem, confidence and not giving a single fuck what people think of me.

I do enjoy and care greatly about clothes (not what's 'in fashion', but what I like), shoes, jewellery, bags, they're a form of self-expression for me.

But as for the rest, absolutely not. I never wear makeup (used to, but don't want to anymore), don't colour my hair or nails, I'm ghostly pale and I love it, never applied fake tan/used sunbeds and hate beaches. No botox, fake lashes, eyebrows, lips, etc. It's not that I'm 'above it', I just really don't see the point, I'm perfectly ok with the way I am. I'm 36 and I do have forehead wrinkles, if it's relevant.

Would I look better with makeup, blowdry, 'made up' and polished? Of course I would. But I prefer my don't give a fuck-ness.

One exception is grey hair. Mine are not greying yet, but as soon as it starts, I'll definitely dye it, as I absolutely hate grey hair.

Double points for it greatly pissing my mother off. Her main preocupation in her life is with her appearance. She has had all sorts done and is ultra glam. Going out without makeup (to the shops, for example) is disgusting and 'letting yourself go'. Ditto wearing anything else than uber feminine, expensive clothing. She has all the brows, lashes, nails, facelift, etc - the lot done. We have completely different tastes in everything and she hates the way I look - this makes me smile 😁

Now the fact that I'm very tall, willowy, slim hourglass, used to be a model and look good in anything, and she's short and fat and has to work 10 times more to look good in clothing makes her rage - that's even better 😁

Rainbow1901 · 13/12/2024 11:51

Don't even bother with them - I see people who have had things done and to be honest they look awful. Showed DH some pictures of a friend from FB - she was gorgeous a few years ago and now looks (in his words) hideous! Turkey teeth, laminated eyebrows, ridiculous eyelashes and Donald Duck lip fillers.
Stay natural OP

5128gap · 13/12/2024 12:00

You need to work on being less suggestible OP and decide what YOU think and what YOU like. Because you're spending time with women who favour one look and deciding you should have that, then because it's not affordable, coming on here to recieve the (entirely predictable) counter views from people you KNOW will tell you is looks horrible, and so now you agree with a new cohort and don't want it. Then you'll be back with the women in RL, and.. guess what you'll think again then? You need to know yourself and your own tastes and priorities. Emma loving botox and fillers and Maureen thinking it looks like an alien or a duck are both irrelevant to you. Decide what YOU think and respect your own opinion. Because having confidence and courage of conviction either way is far more important than what you choose to do with your appearance.

TheDearReader · 13/12/2024 12:02

5128gap · 13/12/2024 12:00

You need to work on being less suggestible OP and decide what YOU think and what YOU like. Because you're spending time with women who favour one look and deciding you should have that, then because it's not affordable, coming on here to recieve the (entirely predictable) counter views from people you KNOW will tell you is looks horrible, and so now you agree with a new cohort and don't want it. Then you'll be back with the women in RL, and.. guess what you'll think again then? You need to know yourself and your own tastes and priorities. Emma loving botox and fillers and Maureen thinking it looks like an alien or a duck are both irrelevant to you. Decide what YOU think and respect your own opinion. Because having confidence and courage of conviction either way is far more important than what you choose to do with your appearance.

This is very insightful and definitely something I struggle with in life in general not just this particular topic. I’m going to work on my self esteem. Thank you 🙏🏻

OP posts:
YearsofYears · 13/12/2024 12:08

I understand how you feel OP. I've aged a lot in my late thirties and it seems like my friends who look great either have multiple tweaks or are genetically blessed and were already beautiful. My youthful glow feels long gone.
While I'm undecided long-term about cosmetic procedures and get insecure at times., I'm focusing on the things I like about my appearance and personality. And thing I enjoy, for example I love styling my clothes and hair. I love skincare and enjoy facials and yoga. That's fine for now.

I've also given up trying to compare myself to celebrities. It is often a part of their job to look glamorous /young etc. My profession has no such worries.

Kia44 · 13/12/2024 12:11

Heatherbell1978 · 13/12/2024 06:58

I'm mid forties and don't relate at all but is that a generational thing? I know a few people who have had something done but I don't feel pressured. Anything involving lips looks ridiculous and to be honest where I live it's mostly quite chavvy people that have a face full of plastic so not really aspirational for me personally.

Mid forties too and think it must be as have heard a few younger women talk about it but never even crossed my mind, aesthetic procedures beyond facials and hair dye were always parodied when I was younger and a more natural look was definitely seen as better. I have noticed that people are not surprised at my age anymore whereas until about 10 years ago, everyone seemed to think I was much younger than I was, just put that down to having more children since then 🤣
The fb posts that are shocked at how people over 30 in films ‘looked so old’ 30 years ago do annoy me though, along with a lot people now thinking that women can actually have babies at 49 (without IVF and frozen/donor eggs) these technologies have all resulted in a very skewed view of ageing

TheTecknician · 13/12/2024 12:14

OP. Have a look at a picture of Janice from the Muppet Show. If that doesn't put you off nothing will!

TENSsion · 13/12/2024 12:15

I’m 37 and the women I know who started with fillers and Botox when we were 30, look horrendous now.
Drink plenty of water, use face creams and serums (always policed in upwards motions) and buy an LED mask.

TheDearReader · 13/12/2024 12:20

my Facebook feed is now absolutely rammed with people getting Botox 🙈🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
MugOfTee · 13/12/2024 12:27

No, I don’t feel the pressure.

Lip fillers and Botox are quite popular where I live, but there’s also lots of women with more natural faces.

I really don’t like the overall look of lip fillers, so would never get them.
I second what someone said earlier, I think enhancements look different on people in photos, the. when I see the person in rl, it’s very obvious what’s been done and sorry, but it rarely looks good. It’s one of the many reasons I’ve never had anything done (I’m 39)

TallulahBetty · 13/12/2024 12:44

I see people every day with the mentioned treatments. I feel no pressure whatsoever to get them myself.

Typerighter · 13/12/2024 14:01

TheDearReader · 13/12/2024 12:20

my Facebook feed is now absolutely rammed with people getting Botox 🙈🤦🏼‍♀️

Bridges I tell you. My Facebook feed is inundated with videos about tunelling, bridges and bizarrely big waves hitting large container ships accompanied by scary doom filled sea shanties.

I don't really know why. I think 6 months ago I watched a video about a big wave and it spiralled.

Londonrach1 · 13/12/2024 14:03

No. I don't know anyone who ever had anything like that. Surely it's just for silly people on TV as makes you look older quicker

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 14:12

Londonrach1 · 13/12/2024 14:03

No. I don't know anyone who ever had anything like that. Surely it's just for silly people on TV as makes you look older quicker

😂

About a million women get Botox in the UK each year, and now about 14% of all Botox is on men

BunnyLake · 13/12/2024 17:32

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 09:47

It's so cool that you're not like the other girls 👏

I’m not sure if you’re being sarcastic or genuine 😁

But thank you either way. I’ve never been easily peer pressured or suggestible so have been quite happy being the only one in the room not snorting C or getting sh*t faced 👍

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 17:37

I was being sarcastic but also a dick. I'm having a very rough day and I apologise.

BunnyLake · 13/12/2024 17:38

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 17:37

I was being sarcastic but also a dick. I'm having a very rough day and I apologise.

No problem. Apology accepted 😁

Hope your evening is better than your day.

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 17:39

Me too!

BunnyLake · 13/12/2024 17:40

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 17:39

Me too!

🤞🤞🤞🤞

bluebalou · 13/12/2024 18:18

You could try good old Michelin it's so underrated, the new facial is a glass facial with serum and a tiny bit of Botox like teeny , but it gives a very subtle rested look and glowing skin. No need to go overboard with stretched faces of filler and Botox.

bluebalou · 13/12/2024 18:18

That should say micro needling ha

MumblesParty · 13/12/2024 20:36

When I hear about women in their early 30s and younger getting Botox because of wrinkles, I wonder how they’ll cope when they become middle aged. If they think their face needs fixing at 30, how the hell will they feel at 50?!!

mindutopia · 13/12/2024 20:38

I’m 44 and honestly, I don’t know a single person who has had Botox, fillers, anything else. 😂 I’m sure somewhere out there, one of them has, but it’s not obvious, they aren’t talking about it, definitely aren’t pressuring anyone.

TheTecknician · 13/12/2024 20:59

Janice.

To feel under pressure to get Botox or similar things
Cherry8809 · 13/12/2024 21:21

ShadowsOfTheDays · 13/12/2024 08:27

OP uttered the trigger word for the worst kind of sneering you see on MN.

Oh, didn’t she just 😂

I enjoy having a little chuckle reading the “pick me” type comments, and playing buzz word bingo:
”Plastic” ✅
”Blow up doll” ✅
”Frozen” ✅
”Chavvy” ✅
”Fish Pout” ✅
“Fake” ✅
”Duck” ✅

A good practitioner will leave you looking refreshed and rejuvenated, not like a Madame Tussauds exhibit.