To feel under pressure to get Botox or similar things

[TheDearReader]

Hi, wondering if anyone else feels like me. It seems everyone around me (I’m 30 all friends similar age or older) is having Botox or fillers or expensive facials every month. I live in quite an affluent area and take my toddler to local classes and it seems almost all of the mums have Botox, brow laminations and all sorts done. Now I know this is my own problem but it makes me feel not good enough and like I need to join the crowd and start getting something done but honestly I don’t have the money to do it so I won’t be it just makes me feel a bit old and ugly compared to them. Does anyone else feel a pressure to get Botox or expensive facials every month and it seems that’s what everyone around you is now doing?

I am not a beauty. I am just ok with how I look. It's fine to look knackered. Most men manage it just fine. Hugh Grant owning it while Nicole Kidman looks like a waxwork.

I expect there to be a flood of posters saying women who don't have Botox or fillers are arrogant, wrinkled old hags. Have noticed that in the past. Ageing is not a crime.

Please don't give into the pressure. You are beautiful as you are. You don't need to fill your body with synthetic crap to be attractive.

Young girls need to see happy confident women with their natural looks. Be a role model for them.

Products that work: Retinol in the PM (Vit A) which you should introduce slowly and sparingly at first To reduce wrinkle visibility, Vit C for brightness in the AM (again, introduce slowly).

There are no scientific studies that show these things work. The only things that are proven are SPF (obviously) and high strength tretinoin (which you need a prescription for). The whole anti-ageing skincare thing is a con.

I was once given a very expensive (£200+) facial for free. Immediately after my skin looked glowing but that's because they spent an hour rubbing oil on it. By the time I woke up the next morning I looked exactly the same again.

Botox can reduce wrinkles but it can also have unintended side effects. You're injecting a neurotoxin into a muscle and, if you keep doing it, that muscle will slowly atrophy.

Unless you're going to spend £100k on a full facelift and risk looking like a shark then it's just about staying healthy, getting good sleep, drinking water and all those other boring things.

I do use prescription Tret which has worked well for me. I started using it for pigmentation, not wrinkles though. Doesn't help with sagging.

I can't have Botox which takes away the pressure.
But honestly I think you will be glad you didn't. It's mad people are prepared to inject stuff into their faces like this. I expect in the future people will look back and wonder why on earth anyone thought it was a good idea.

There is also more to looking younger/better ageing than a smooth face.

You are better off using time and money on things to keep your body healthy and strong - so a good diet, pilates or yoga classes etc..

I'm 42. Those that started early already look a bit weird, like an AI version of themselves.

I look "older" than them at this early mid life stage - but I look a hell of a lot better IMO.

If you look at people in their 50s who have had a a lot, they all look the same too.

If you resist I think you will be glad you did so.

There's such a skewed view on Mumsnet of Botox and fillers. Don't feel the pressure, do what you're comfortable with and what you can afford. At 30, that should pretty much mean close to nothing. Drink water, cleanse, tone and moisturise and eat well.

I'm 37 and recently had my first Botox and micro needling. I'll continue both and mostly, you would never know I had it. It's just to stop the rot setting in. I don't want to look old before my time and I was getting bothered by my forehead lines. I do it for me and if anyone wants to judge me, have at it, I don't want to be around people like that.

More people than you know have it and nobody knows or cares. A lot of people on here will tell you that they know because they're so superior but that's usually people who have gone too far.

There are many celebrities who've had minor tweaks and look fabulous for it. More than don't.

Stay away from fillers. They're dangerous.

Exactly this! When you're knocking on 70/80 do you want to look beautiful and full of the joy of a life well lived (Judi Dench) or like you're running scared from your own reflection (eg Leslie Ash - who is now in mid/late 60s)

My 27 year old niece started Botox when she was 23! I thought she was nuts at the time, but she has very pale, thin skin and was starting to get fine lines. You’d absolutely never tell she has Botox, but she’s stopping lines before they become deep.

I’m very much a believer of each to their own.

I have a 90 minute facial every 4 weeks - mostly because it’s intensely relaxing, but also it really helps my skin look its best. I also have Botox every 9 months or so. Botox, in my opinion, is the single best thing you can do if frown lines are bothering you. It doesn’t matter how old you are, they either bother you or they don’t. No one should feel pressure either way.

People on here that are anti Botox spout a lot of nonsense. A good injector will do wonders for signs of ageing. Great if people like their lines, also great if people don’t.

I expect most celebs- possibly even Judi Dench- have had tweaks. What I object to is the notion that even ordinary people have to have it. In the past movie stars were a separate universe.

Starting Botox at 23 is just so disturbing I dont even know what to say. Bollocks I will be telling my 23 yr old DD " Each to her own".

OP, I've PMed you a link to some excellent online workbooks you can work through to try and improve your self esteem. As you say, it's coming from within, it's not really about your appearance.

It might help to start getting angry at the beauty and fashion industry. How dare they tell us women we have something wrong with us for not looking a certain way that they are dictating! For daring to look normal!* *They exist not to help us but purely to convince as many of us as possible that we're ugly so we part with our cash in an attempt to fix what doesn't need fixing, to make them extremely rich See them for what they are and find your anger.

It's an honour and a privilege to age. The majority of my friends have Botox and it's really obvious. Their faces just don't move.
I won't get it, I'm embracing my face

I have a slightly different take on this.

I'm 53 and been having botox and very occasional fillers for 5 years.

Why? I'm a lone parent with a high level job which I need to maintain until she is out of University (she's 15)

Women get judged, it doesn't matter what you do, we always get the brunt of every critic, so I do it to fly under the radar of male judges in a male dominated industry.

Do I wish I had started a little earlier on this? Yes, but not significantly, maybe early 40s to stop the onslaught of certain lines but 30s no way, too young.

I'm happy with what I have, I look natural and absolutely hate the big lips etc, would never have anything in my lips.

Right now you have more important things to spend money on and unless it's career or self confidence effecting I'd say don't do it at all.

I find a fringe (bangs) hides a myriad of aging when it comes to being in your early 40s.

If you want a reason not to fall for the botox/filler/surgery etc pressures, watch Lindsey Lohan's new Christmas movie on Netflix.

In photographs she looks great, but in action her skin/face does strange things. For example sometimes when she smiles, crinkling her nose, she gets a strange crease down her face from her inner eye down to her nostrils. TBH, I had to google LL's age (38) as I thought she looked like a 50yo after plastic surgery!

When you are surrounded by women who use botox/fillers, you lose your perspective and could end up thinking everyone looks like that, which isn't true.

Yes they were. They had mystique. You hardly ever saw them except in movie stills or carefully posed and lit publicity photos. They didn’t pretend to be normal and ordinary like today’s celebs do.

Or cat videos

Does anyone else feel a pressure to get Botox or expensive facials every month?

No. I won't see 60 again, and the only woman I know of my age who has had work done looks like her face is made of plastic.

Lol I'll let you know 😉

I admittedly am one of those people who gets fillers, botox & skin boosters but can’t say I ever ever look at someone & wonder why they haven’t had botox or whatever. Unless you actually want to do it for yourself don’t be pressured, I don’t regret having filler but I will say so many people have it done now there are a lot of very bad jobs done & you can tell a mile off when a woman has had something done. So don’t sit there & feel down about yourself cos I promise you, even people who get all those things done will still be sat there feeling bad about themselves cos self love comes from within not what you look like.

I know very few women with any of that stuff.

I actually find a unique kind of arrogance in some of the au natural types - almost a bit like I’m a natural beauty and those who get stuff done aren’t.
I don't think I'm a natural beauty at all. I'm just happy with looking my age and don't think aging is unattractive.

Well said @DappledThings
I'm no oil painting and I don't think that fillers or botox are going to make much improvement to the way I look.

I look after my skin and still get told that I look younger than my years (66).