Fell out over peanut butter

[Rosegarden47]

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not buy peanut butter?

A few months ago when exposing my DD to peanut butter for the first time my hands broke out in a really itchy rash. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy. I took an antihistamine and it calmed down. I’ve always despised/been kinda phobic of anything peanuts so I’ve not handled it for as long as I can remember. I’m not saying I have a severe allergy or anything, but I’d just rather not take the risk so I asked my husband if we could not buying it in future. I started buying my daughter cashew or almond butter instead which she really loves and I don’t have an issue with.

Well, since then my husband has started buying it all the time and jokes that I “helped him rediscover his love for peanut butter”. I bit my tongue at first because he used to always wash any plates or cutlery he used, but now he’s just started leaving all his peanut buttery things for me to deal with. Aside from my allergy concerns, the smell literally makes me want to vomit.

Today he sat down next to me at the breakfast table and opened the jar and I said “yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” He completely flipped and said I was childish and rude for insulting his food. He said the hives and itchy lips were all in my head and called me a liar and said I’d never asked for him to not buy it in the past.

I didn’t want this to be a big deal and I’m hurt my husband won’t respect my request about one food item he rarely bought in the past. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable or not asking him not to buy peanut butter.

YANBU. Your DH is being a dick.

I’m allergic to kiwi fruit and have a similar reaction to you, even the little hairs they leave behind make me come out in a rash. My DP has never tried to bring a kiwi into our house or even suggested doing so. In fact, he was the one panicking recently when someone produced a birthday cake with them on at a party!

Allergies can develop and worsen/wane over time - when I went to the Dr about kiwis years ago, they told me not to eat or touch them anymore as the reaction could become life threatening at some point. He should care about your concerns and want to keep you safe and healthy.

Sounds like you have an IGE mediated peanut allergy. There is a risk of anaphylaxis with these types of allergies. Your husband is being very unreasonable! He should respect your wishes if you don't want it in the house.

You need allergy resting immediately, via private route if necessary. It's that serious, you could die.

There are no words that wouldn't get me banned to describe the oxygen theif you're married to.

He's belittling you
He's gaslighting you
He's putting your life at risk

Absolute best case scenario this is driven by ignorance, but the uncomfortable question remains, why is he behaving like such a prick? Can he not see or care that you're really worried and try to reassure you instead of being a bellend?

Even on the best possible reading, he has no respect for you and is monumentally stupid.

After the doctor, a solicitor would be a good next step.

I agree with this.
as a pp said. Push for a different GP appointment and explain it all and insist. Tell them what your DH is doing.
If that fails.. you may have to pay for a private test, but once tested both "D" H and GP will have to take it seriously and you will be in the system.

I would also ask about DD.

The only remedy to this selfish and frankly intentionally dangerous level of stupidity is divorce.

If he's not just totally ignorant and uneducated about allergies, this beggars belief. If there was any kind of reaction like you're having in my DH, I wouldn't have it anywhere near the home. It's not worth the risk. My DH has an allergy that is nowhere near as serious as yours sounds and I read every label carefully if I am going to put it in food he will eat.

Leaving it lying around for you to deal with is just dangerous.

I think your allergy is severe, i.e if you ingested peanut butter you'd likely have an anaphylactic reaction, which is potentially fatal if not treated promptly. I agree with previous posters that you need an allergy test and an epipen. I don't know whether your husband is malicious or ignorant, but his behaviour really concerns me. I'm not sure he'd respond appropriately in an emergency.

If you ever suspect you've accidentally eaten something containing peanuts, or if you feel weird/ unwell after eating, please call 999 immediately. If your husband disagrees, ignore him. Given that you don't have any epipen, if you had an anaphylactic reaction you'd need an emergency ambulance, as the crew would administer adrenaline prior to taking you to hospital.

Your husband sounds really dismissive, and I worry he might not call for help until you lost consciousness or stopped breathing, by which time it could well be too late to resuscitate you. I know this sounds dramatic, but I work in emergency medicine and I've seen it happen. Please take it seriously and look after yourself, and let your friends and family know so that they can call for help if you're unable to. Hopefully your husband (and your GP!) will sort themselves out!

I was thinking the same 😞
The level of ignorance (I hope that's all it is)over allergies is still way too high.

I have a similar reaction to prawns, unlikely to be deadly but makes my lips and tongue swell and my throat tingle.

We don’t have prawns in the house ever. DH loves prawns and eats them as much as possible if we’re out at restaurants but he wouldn’t dream of having them in the house.

My DH frequently puts his needs before mine, but never has on the prawn front; once he knew I react to them he’s never even asked or discussed it.

Some pharmacies now do allergy testing. It's expensive, but possibly worthwhile.

This has been much repeated on this thread.

It is a myth that allergic reactions get worse each time.

They may, they may not. They are unpredictable. That’s what makes them so scary.

A lot depends on a person’s health at the time of the incident, also amount ingested, cooking method (not relevant with peanuts) etc.

Immunotherapy would never work if reactions increased in severity all the time.

I really encourage you to go back to gp (or another more clued in one) for testing OP. You could potentially have a very serious reaction.

You need to make sure you’re doing IgE testing!!!
Some places do IgG testing which is complete rubbish. Do not get this done!

Agree, it's the unpredictability of allergies that is the worst. You just don't know how you're going to react with each exposure.
The next one could be more severe, or even fatal.

Tree Nut and peanut allergies tend to get more serious with every exposure.

My ds is allergic to tree nuts..he's never had an anaphylactic reaction and hopefully never will but our gp has prescribed him an epipen (after he was privately diagnosed) and I don't leave the house without it. The allergy specialist said most likely we will never need to use it but we need to make sure we always have it with us because it's impossible to say whether the next reaction will be anaphylactic or not.

Op if you can afford it see someone privately to do an allergy test and then when you have a positive result your gp can prescribe epipens.

Your husband should just not risk your health like this even without bulletproof evidence but if you want to forgive that and just get hjm to stop exposing you to peanuts then aj official allergy test might convince him.

Thank you. I was unaware that there could be a difference in the service offered.

Is he this stupid in other aspects of life? My DD has a peanut allergy, we knew this because of the itchy throat, slight swelling of tounge and lips but I had her tested anyway so as to have documention for school etc and rule out issue with other nuts. Hers is not deemed severe, is not anaphylactic, she just needs to avoid peanuts and carry anti histamine in case there's accidentally consumption BUT there is also risk that any reaction could be anaphylactic and if she were to develop asthma she'd be described an epi as a precaution.
The fact you are reacting without consuming peanuts is worrying imo, and I would organise testing privately if need be
Your husbands behaviour is another matter, it is so controlling and abusive imo

Throw out the peanut butter along the the idiot.

Where do these men come from??
Is there a factory somewhere that that just pumps these bastards out??

I can't even fathom having something in the house that my DH is so obviously allergic to!

Honestly, I'd be putting itching powder in his pants!! The bastard!

GP is wrong. Either make a complaint or ask to see another GP - you’ve already displayed quite a serious reaction with the swelling of your lips. The next stage could be your throat closing over, and each time you’re exposed you risk a more serious reaction. What the GP is telling you is that basically they want you risk a life threatening reaction with nothing to treat it, which will necessitate a hospital admission - before they will treat it. It’s nonsense. I have a latex allergy - anaphyactic reaction - and the first time it showed itself I was referred for allergy testing immediately and now carry an Epi pen.

As for your husband, sorry but he’s an abusive arsehole. He needs to understand what you’re dealing with here and the serious ramifications if he continues to act like this. The level of reaction you’ve had so far to peanut butter, is actually irrelevant. It’s the fact that you have had any reaction which should have been enough for him to realise the potentially serious consequences and stop behaving like a child. He sounds thick, Sorry.

When ds had his allergic reaction to nuts (hives all over his body. The rash was so bad I wasn't sure I could say for sure if his lips weren't swollen. Coughing and wheezing. Throwing up. I gave him a double dose of piriton by mistake otherwise we were told it would have probably been worse) I was told in a and e that it was halfway between a serious reaction and anaphylaxis. I asked if there was a risk of having an anaphylactic reaction in the future and the doctor said yes. And then she said if it happens a few more times if I'm really concerned I should consider going to my GP to get an epipen prescribed. 😂

For fuck’s sake. He’s an abusive arsehole. You’ve obviously been ground down gradually over the years so you’re underreacting to his disgusting, disrespectful behaviour. Gaslighting.

Stop wasting your life with this horrible man.

It’s ridiculous - peanut allergies are well known for being the source of severe and sometimes fatal reactions, so proper testing is essential. And some are saying upthread that it’s a myth that the reaction gets worse with exposure, but this isn’t entirely true. The risk of a serious reaction is always there. When I was diagnosed with a latex allergy I was prescribed an Epi pen and told that allergies can worsen with age, and the severity of the reaction can depend on several things, including whether the persons’ immune system has been weakened for any reason. Reactions are unpredictable and OP can’t be sure that her reactions may not get worse in the future. Best to know what you’re dealing with.

No lip swelling is serious and it could get worse. He can eat peanut butter outside of the home. It's a small adjustment to make sure someone you love is protected. So if he isn't he doesn't.

I'd throw it all out repeatedly. I bet it would be different if it was him with the allergy.

You haven’t fallen out over peanut butter.

You’ve fallen out because your husband is an abusive idiot who is so desperate to wind you up and belittle you that he is maximising every possible opportunity to make you seriously ill.

Husband came to me wanting an apology for being rude about his food and I refused. Unfortunately things escalated into a fight. He denies the peanut allergy conversion ever happened, then backtracked and said I dismissed it because in his memory the GP told me I didn’t have an allergy. I’m childish and badly raised because I’m rude about other people’s food. I called him out on his behaviour and he responded by picking up our daughter and saying he was leaving and taking her with him. Then he changed his mind and said it’s his house and I can fuck off and leave.

This isn’t the first time this sort of thing has happened, but it’s the first time in a while. Husband changed a lot (not for the better) after our daughter was born 18 months ago. We’ve been going through marriage counselling and things have been improving, until today. I feel so depressed. He’s now saying he didn’t mean it it about being done with me but he refuses to accept anything he’s done