Fell out over peanut butter

[Rosegarden47]

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not buy peanut butter?

A few months ago when exposing my DD to peanut butter for the first time my hands broke out in a really itchy rash. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy. I took an antihistamine and it calmed down. I’ve always despised/been kinda phobic of anything peanuts so I’ve not handled it for as long as I can remember. I’m not saying I have a severe allergy or anything, but I’d just rather not take the risk so I asked my husband if we could not buying it in future. I started buying my daughter cashew or almond butter instead which she really loves and I don’t have an issue with.

Well, since then my husband has started buying it all the time and jokes that I “helped him rediscover his love for peanut butter”. I bit my tongue at first because he used to always wash any plates or cutlery he used, but now he’s just started leaving all his peanut buttery things for me to deal with. Aside from my allergy concerns, the smell literally makes me want to vomit.

Today he sat down next to me at the breakfast table and opened the jar and I said “yuck, I wish you wouldn’t buy that stuff.” He completely flipped and said I was childish and rude for insulting his food. He said the hives and itchy lips were all in my head and called me a liar and said I’d never asked for him to not buy it in the past.

I didn’t want this to be a big deal and I’m hurt my husband won’t respect my request about one food item he rarely bought in the past. I have no idea if I’m being unreasonable or not asking him not to buy peanut butter.

She shouldn't have to prove herself to him. And it won't shut him up, he'll just find another way to abuse her.

Hysterical?? Really? What a disgusting way to dismiss a woman's legitimate health concerns.

A wandering womb doesn't cause hives, swollen lips and itching. The OP has experienced symptoms of an allergic reaction. Yes, she needs to be tested - and in light of her more recent updates, to get support to leave an abusive marriage - but please do not accuse women of hysteria when they report health issues.

Exactly and these type of people often flip their lid when they are proven wrong. He's not going to go "I was wrong, sorry" he will cause a massive argument probably about something entirely unrelated just to deflect. Or sulk for days so you're walking on eggshells. In my experience anyway x

Just chuck it in the bin ... every time. He's a twait.

“. The second time, the rash turned into hives and my lips swelled slightly and got itchy.”

You NEED to see a doctor and get referred for allergy testing. Don’t muck about with this.

However it would be prudent for your daughter to continue eating peanut regularly if she already does as that will help prevent her developing an allergy to it.

@Rosegarden47 if his family, friends and work colleagues knew of his behaviour - both the covering your mouth and peanut butter stuff - do you think they’d laugh it off or be disgusted at him?

if you told him you were going to discuss it with others would he be annoyed?

Intolerances do not cause hives or swelling of lips. Allergies do.

i did but my GP said they’ll only do allergy testing now if you’ve had a reaction severe enough to put you in hospital. Seems a bit counterproductive to me but she wouldn’t budge

You need to follow this up, whether it's writing to the practice manager to ask for confirmation of this policy or by paying to be privately tested.

Christ, the fact you don't seem to realise just HOW bad this was is worrying.

Well that’s pretty stupid.

Can you afford to pay for a private test?

Oh OP! I'm so sorry to hear this!

Given your history I'm not surprised you haven't realised but let me be clear, this is assault!

He's an aggressive man, it'll get worse! I still remember my mum telling me the first time my dad was violent was when she was pregnant. It's likely to get worse

Please rescue this baby from witnessing this sort of thing. You deserve to live in a safe home.

Abuse often begins or ramps up during pregnancy, as the abuser knows that their victim is now trapped.

The only acceptable amount of abuse in a relationship is none. If he was awful all the time you would definitely leave but being awful some of the time is just as bad as you are walking on eggshells, waiting for something to trigger his abusive behaviour. You will never be able to relax.

i did but my GP said they’ll only do allergy testing now if you’ve had a reaction severe enough to put you in hospital. Seems a bit counterproductive to me but she wouldn’t budge

Same thing suddenly happened to me years ago. Peanuts, bananas and kiwi just suddenly gave me hives, slightly swollen lips and itchy/swollen gums.
I was told it was just an intolerance and to slowly introduce these foods back Into my diet. I did and it went away.

Like you, I was concerned and asked if I needed to take any precautions. I was told no 🤷‍♀️

Your husband sounds like a selfish, childish pig. Sorry.

I agree. And if they refuse to refer then ask them to put it in writing in your medical record. I would book private allergy testing in your shoes, if you can afford it (stay away from the hair strand tests).

I lost my job while pregnant and I am now a STAHM. I don’t really have my own income and I don’t think my husband will be willing to pay when he already thinks I’m being stupid

So he's financially abusing you too

What an absolute dick he is!!!!

He sounds like a knob.

This 🖕100%
If he laid hands on you when you were pregnant the probability of him becoming violent is very very high. Please leave and protect your daughter from what you had to endure as a child.

Stop right there. This is very much laying hands on you. It’s assault.
Please speak to Women’s Aid asap, you’re dangerously minimising his behaviour.

No you don't, sorry. An allergy that causes hives and facial swelling as OP says requires an epi pen for safety.

I have a peanut allergy and have never been tested, this was years ago but GP told me they viewed peanut allergy tests as too dangerous. I was diagnosed based on describing my reaction to the GP and they prescribed epi-pens on the spot. If you need a test now to be prescribed epi pens you need to be insistent with your GP.

My husband would not dream of bringing any nuts into the house but then he’s not a dick. In your circumstances I would bin that peanut butter every single time he buys it. If he questioned where his peanut butter was “I threw it away, I told you I was allergic to peanuts” every single time. Stand your ground.

When you say you don't have your own income do you have to go begging for any money off him for shopping or do you have any money that goes into your account each month to do as you please with?

You do have an allergy. Get to the docs and get an epipen prescription