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Original poster

To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

111 replies

Penguinface · 12/12/2024 09:48

On track to fail every single one. Got a 3 in his mocks for his favourite subject.

I can't get through to him on the need to work and put some effort in. He just doesn't seem to care (if it's just bravado, it's very convincing).

He's possibly dyslexic but hasn't got an official diagnosis.

I feel like I'm bullying him to do schoolwork that he maybe actually can't do. Then I think I've got to make him do it for the sake of his future.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
LastNightMyPJsSavedMyLife · 12/12/2024 09:56

Surely the time to suggest dyslexia was years ago. Perhaps he's just not academic.

LIZS · 12/12/2024 10:00

What does he hope to do post 16? Puck your battles and focus on key subjects. Get the dyslexia assessment asap so he can get appropriate access arrangements - does he use a laptop, could he have a reader/scribe, extra time?

EveryDayisFriday · 12/12/2024 10:00

Encourage him to focus on English and Maths as he will have to resit those again and again in college/ 6th form to progress onto anything else. If he gets those, he should be able to move onto a course that would suit him better, apprenticeship or t level.

GoldMerchant · 12/12/2024 10:01

At this point, you need to target interventions to get the maximum benefit. This is passing Eng Lang and Maths, and anything he needs to do what he wants to do next. Talk to the teachers about what he needs to do to reach a passing grade. Work on one thing at a time. Is hiring a tutor within budget?

I would reframe thinking from "he needs great GCSEs" to " how can I help him get the grades he needs to move to the next stage in life"

Ja428 · 12/12/2024 10:02

Can you afford tutors in key subjects?

Mummyratbag · 12/12/2024 10:06

Speak to school (if you haven't already), do they do extra revision sessions? Bribe him to attend those, pay for tutors if you can, set incentives, bribe, bribe, bribe.. and nag all you can get away with. Ultimately he can resit, but that is going to be tough.

We haven't had failures but a certain laid back attitude which we need to discourage!

End of the day you can't make them care and sometimes it's a life lesson/mistake only they can make.. it's bloody tough and frustrating though.

user2848502016 · 12/12/2024 10:09

DH didn't make any effort at all in school and they were all worried he would fail all his GCSEs - he said the advice that actually sunk in for him was to just try and get his maths & English then he would be done, free, could go to college or get an apprenticeship, no resits!

Nolegusta · 12/12/2024 10:11

Penguinface · 12/12/2024 09:48

On track to fail every single one. Got a 3 in his mocks for his favourite subject.

I can't get through to him on the need to work and put some effort in. He just doesn't seem to care (if it's just bravado, it's very convincing).

He's possibly dyslexic but hasn't got an official diagnosis.

I feel like I'm bullying him to do schoolwork that he maybe actually can't do. Then I think I've got to make him do it for the sake of his future.

I don't know what to do.

They're his GCSEs, not yours.
Exam results can open doors, clearly, but they're not everything.
Have his teachers offered any thoughts?

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 12/12/2024 10:11

I second others who say bribe and incentivise him to focus on the key subjects. If he can get a pass in English, Maths and maybe a Science then you promise to back off on the rest.
This is a lesson he clearly needs to learn the hard way, but if later he comes back and wants to retrain or get another qualification the core subjects are the ones he will need under his belt.
It’s not impossible to redo GCSE’s as an adult, plenty of people do, but it’s much harder when you have work and children and bills.

GodotIsntComing · 12/12/2024 10:14

Try and get him to think about what he wants to do later. It would help if he could at least get his maths and English.

FairyRobot · 12/12/2024 10:14

My daughter did her GCSE’s last year, and also didn’t do as well as I’d hoped in her mocks. She got at least 3 grades lower than her targets grades in all subjects. She didn’t ’not care’ but she didn’t do a vast amount of revision for her mocks. When it came to the actual exams though she really pulled her finger out and got to work. It felt like the general attitude at school and with her friends really geared up after Christmas and they all started taking it much more seriously. School stated doing after school revision and support classes, and we also paid for a tutor in maths and science, which helped.

In regards to dyslexia, I had suspicions, although school had never raised any concerns. I asked them to do a screening for it at school, which came back indicting it was worth having her tested. We paid for the test privately in the February, as school wouldn’t have been able to do it in time, and it came back with a positive diagnosis. This was just in time to apply for extra time in all her exams, and she also got to sit the exams in a classroom rather than than the main hall, which was really helpful for her.

In the end she passed all her subjects and the end results were no where near as bad as her mocks, and we were all really pleased. I’m not saying he doesn’t need some extra encouragement, but a combination of some tutoring and extra support, a dyslexia assessment if you’re able, and a hopeful shift in attitude from him over the next few months as exams approach means bad mock results don’t have to be an indicator of the end result!! Good luck!

lateatwork · 12/12/2024 10:27

I feel your pain.
Are his friends studying? Would a sturdy buddy help?
Marks that are under expected marks can either motivate or demoralise- if he is the latter, need to find the key to unlock this (which might be external motivation like bribery rewards)
Active revision. Could you / partner do this with him? IE maths with him? You do one question, he does the next etc
English- does he know the texts? Can you discuss key themes with him ? If he doesn't like reading, loads of online videos to watch.

lateatwork · 12/12/2024 10:29

And I think GCSE absolutely sucks. From what I can tell... a lot is about memorising mark schemes.

Lampzade · 12/12/2024 10:35

Is there any way he could reduce the number of GCSE’s. ?
Would he be able to focus on about seven GCSE’s?

HateMyselfToo · 12/12/2024 10:37

Talk to school, work out a way he can focus on just Maths and English and whatever he needs to get on a vocational course next year.
Start looking at what he can do at college now, so it becomes about a means to getting the future he wants rather than exams for the sake of exams.

Angelil · 12/12/2024 11:08

lateatwork · 12/12/2024 10:29

And I think GCSE absolutely sucks. From what I can tell... a lot is about memorising mark schemes.

Not if it’s taught properly. I feel sorry for you if you had such terrible teachers that that’s all you took from the experience.

Angelil · 12/12/2024 11:09

Also, I am a teacher and I agree. Just focus on maths and English for now.

mrsjackbauer87 · 12/12/2024 11:13

What makes you think he's dyslexic? I would see if you can speak to his teachers and get their thoughts. Would he be open to assessment? I'd imagine you would have to go private to get anything booked before GCSEs.

Dyslexia can really affect confidence, if it is that. Especially at crunch times like exams. But, yes as pps have said, even if he focuses on English and Maths that would be better than spreading him too thin. Does he have any subjects he enjoys?

FoxtonFoxton · 12/12/2024 11:25

My DD who is dyslexic tried very hard with her schoolwork and achieved 3s and 4s throughout. Went on to an art course at college and did well, now has a great job and is very happy. GCSEs are not the be all and end all. Focus on getting the grades necessary for whatever form of further education he wants. If he can find a course he's really interested in, it will help him with a goal to work towards.
DH failed all his GCSES (dyslexic) and now owns a very successful company and is an expert in his field. He was excellent at college level when he found his niche and then his confidence.

Caerulea · 12/12/2024 11:28

What are his working grades like? It's worth speaking to his teachers to find out if he's actually working at his best or is being slack. If his best is at a 3 that's perfectly OK, he's just not academic. If he's being slack then yes, you need to intervene but it doesn't mean you've failed, neither situation does.

Always worth remembering that unless you've a specific field in mind, GCSEs really don't mean much. There's plenty of miserable ppl in jobs they don't like with great exam results & the opposite for people with terrible results.

Karatema · 12/12/2024 11:35

My eldest only received an official diagnosis after the GCSEs and that was only because changed to his younger siblings school for his A levels.
DC was very relieved to receive the extra reading time and this has followed him into adulthood.
You are doing your DS a disservice, ask for him to be assessed. It changed both my DCs lives because they realised they weren't stupid. One of them now has 2 firsts and the other has just finished his MA.

Fallulah · 12/12/2024 11:37

A 3 can easily become a 4 by May with a bit of work.

What has he applied for to do after GCSEs? What have they said he needs? I agree with others about making sure he gets English and Maths; it’s a shame that other subjects get pushed aside for these but they are the ones that have to be resat and can hold people back.

How does he feel about the mocks? If he agrees he didn’t work as hard as he could, there’s an in for you to make a plan together. School should be helping with revision techniques, schedules etc.

The good news is that if he is a borderline 3/4 student he will probably find he is suddenly the target of a lot of attention from teachers!

You are not a failure just like I am not totally responsible for my students’ results. It’s a triangle of you, the teacher and the student. Each part of that triangle needs to make their best effort. Yours is providing support, a nice space to revise and lots of food!

x2boys · 12/12/2024 11:38

Caerulea · 12/12/2024 11:28

What are his working grades like? It's worth speaking to his teachers to find out if he's actually working at his best or is being slack. If his best is at a 3 that's perfectly OK, he's just not academic. If he's being slack then yes, you need to intervene but it doesn't mean you've failed, neither situation does.

Always worth remembering that unless you've a specific field in mind, GCSEs really don't mean much. There's plenty of miserable ppl in jobs they don't like with great exam results & the opposite for people with terrible results.

Unfortunately they do att least English and Maths ,to get an apprenticeship, you need to gave at least a grade four or equivalent in English and maths.

RubyRedBow · 12/12/2024 11:39

Are school doing any catch up sessions?

LlynTegid · 12/12/2024 11:40

Another in agreement about focusing on Maths and English.

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