To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

[Penguinface]

On track to fail every single one. Got a 3 in his mocks for his favourite subject.

I can't get through to him on the need to work and put some effort in. He just doesn't seem to care (if it's just bravado, it's very convincing).

He's possibly dyslexic but hasn't got an official diagnosis.

I feel like I'm bullying him to do schoolwork that he maybe actually can't do. Then I think I've got to make him do it for the sake of his future.

I don't know what to do.

We give our DCs a pound for a house point per term. My reaosning is that I had to be bribed to go to work (with a salary) so i did not see why they should not be as well!

Love the idea of going to all the plays as well.

Very best of luck OP. Talking to the SENCo is a great first step.

Social aspects have made you believe that because he’s failed his GCSEs then he’ll do nothing in life and that’s what the schools want you to believe

I didn’t finish school and I ended up working in the music industry for over 20 years with huge artists and I loved it

My husband works in cyber security and also didn’t even finish college

You have all my sympathy and support. Parents Evening when your DC isn't doing well is the eighth circle of hell :-(

Several of his teachers said the same thing - we don't know how to get through to him. And yes, my son is considered polite and has a nice group of friends and good at his outside school activities.

The problem is you can't even get onto an apprenticeship without at least a maths and English grade 4 or above or equivalent

And the more sought after apprenticeship, s will require much better qualifications
A lot has changed in 20 years I left school in 1990 with some very mediocre GCSE,s and then failed my Alevels ,I also still to this day have never passed maths GCSE ,
However i had sufficient grades to do a project 2000 nursing diploma and qualified as a nurse in 1996
Nursing courses are now degree level my qualification, s wouldn't have got me on a course in this day and age.

Please please please remember that all children develop at different stages. He may just not be academic.... at this stage in his life. He can retake the essential GCSEs next year when he may have matured a little more. Just continue to give him ideas that you think might suit his character and remember that he's still young and needs time be supported and develop. There are lots more apprenticeships out there now. My son would not have passed any GCSEs had it not been for covid allowances. Now he's loving his life as a very well paid apprentice engineer.

My son is really struggling with getting motivated to do his GCSEs he's just started Year 10. Honestly it's like he couldn't care less about any of his subjects except for maths. He has ASD/ADHD and really struggles with English language. I've coughed up for some extra for weekly English lessons. I figure if we can get him over the line with English and Maths - at least he'll have some choices when he finishes school. Any of the other subjects will be a bonus!

Schools can so their own assessments for access arrangements. You need to go through the school as they need to show ‘normal way of working’ to apply to AA even with a diagnosis. A laptop is only a nwow so would need to start ASAP. Most schools will not pay for a dyslexia assessment, so you can do it privately in order to get a diagnosis and the school may take that into account if there are speed scores below 85. Tbh it’s a bit late for GCSE’s now! But you can have a meeting asap.

Don’t panic. It’s not just down to you to help boost these grades for the real thing.
Generally speaking most students will go up a grade from their mocks to the real thing.
I’m a teacher and I always say to my students that they can always get their GCSE’s another time but it’s the easiest time to get them in year 11.
Ask for extra time in the exams, it tends to take the pressure off the students and most students still don’t use that time but it calms what can be a stressful situation.
Students will improve on their exam skills too as there are some techniques to improve the marks gained in exams.
Ask him if he actually answered all the questions. Many students who lack confidence give up part the way through their exam but will try harder in the real thing.
There are college courses and routes to employment no matter what grades your son gets. That should be at the back of your mind, to take the pressure off yourself. You can only do what you can do. A bit of bribery is good if it works but if it doesn’t work then don’t tie yourself up in knots. Your family values will come through in the end.
Good luck for you both!

I'm shocked that you haven't years ago got a diagnosis, and pushed the Senco for all the analysis, which would've resulted in him getting say extra support and at least more time in exams. He has been failed badly and that is a shame. There's not enough time for all this now. Please at least email the senco so it's in writing.

I don't think that is entirely fair @Oblomov24 . There may be many reasons why he has slipped through the cracks - not least that he may have been masking reasonably successfully until now when things start to go a bit haywire. And it may well be that he is simply not interested, not academic etc. Plus getting a diagnosis isn't that simple with waiting lists and everything going tits up with covid etc.

Point is, the OP has ideas now about the path forward. Which can only be a good thing.

One of my DC has this.

That's not really very fair...my eldest didn't give any signs he was struggling at all. Very able academically but it wasn't until half way through high school the cracks started to show....turns out due to hypermobility in his fingers it has contributed to his dysgraphia. Teachers really were concerned they couldn't read his handwriting. OT were able to do thorough assessments to then let us know exactly what has been going on.

No one in primary even knew something was up.

OP, please remember that they are HIS GCSEs not yours. I am a teacher and as long as I know I've planned and delivered good lessons, given and checked homework, given feedback on their work and taught them exam skills, I've done my part. If the students don't engage, it's on them not me. Research has shown that a motivated student with a will to learn even with rubbish teaching will do better than an unmotivated one who had excellent teaching because learning is an active process. You sound like an excellent mum but you need to step back now.

Agree with that. Would sit him down and tell his straight in order to make his life easier he at least needs a decent pass in English and maths. It’s a cold world out there. Everyone else will be working from now on he’s going to feel rubbish on results day if he doesn’t.

Then I would facilitate his working take him to plays etc but there is literally not more you can do to make him work.

Keep him away from the “I had no qualifications and I’m fine” brigade. A friend was like that she has really succeeded in the end. But guess who’s bright dd stopped working for GCSEs and dropped out…. Friend was kicking herself for modelling that. Yes it’s possible but it’s much harder now.

my second son has dyscalculia and I suspect dyslexia however he scraped ok passes at nat 5, Mananger to get into higher English, maths chemistry and pe, just didn’t know what on earth he wanted to do, I had similar battles with him, he just had little motivation and hated the school work part of school - he discovered girls late and was a bit over enthusiastic. He ended up not sitting his highers, dropping out mid s6 and worked in a few jobs he hated until he somehow managed to get himself a job as a dispatcher at the airport, the interview was supposed to be for baggage handlers. But he’s quite a charming lad and seems built a rapport with the manager who then decided to put him forward for dispatcher, which he loves with a passion, he was 18 when he started and is living his best life, he talks about work a lot and has just been cleared to dispatch the American Airlines so is quite happy about that. I thought he’d struggle and go from dead end job to dead end job, college didn’t appeal so I was worried, I hope you find a solution for your son, do get him screened/ tested (I’m dyslexic) decent help and support will do wonders for him. Or just finding out his interests and what he wants to do, find all the routes in. It’s tough (he’s 2 of 4 boys, eldest is a welder)

@SilverBlueRabbit & @Vettrianofan

I disagree. That what I wrote is fair. He has been failed here, by the school, by the system. Irrespective of masking, and even if it was 'half way through high school that the cracks started to show', for op, he's been let down. There was stulll time to put some things in place, if they had acted. School gave him a reader, but then did not much more. And he's now got a 3. But if they'd done the OT or Ed psych tests that they should've done in either year 8,9 or 10 then things would've been already set up for him.

Unfortunately in year 11, having just done Oct mocks, it's late to get the things put in place by tests being fine specifically for dyslexia, or on his 'processing' etc, in time for May 25.

But op can at least write, push, request, stress the urgency, to Senco and Head, to ask for all (basically implying that they need to act immediately as they've previously nigh on failed him) , eg possibly Agree to drop a subject etc if that helps.

My friend in desperation paid £600 for a lovely chap privately from Teddington, do the dyslexia tests, and although school objected, she then fought hard to get them to put in place as many of his suggestions for reasonable adjustments as they could within the timeframe. She nigh on told the school she expected them to make extra effort as they'd basically failed him before.

I know not everyone has such money available. But I'd move heaven and earth and fight for my life, to at least know I'd done all I could. Wouldn't you?

That's very unfair. My son got a diagnosis after ten years of being told no and that he didn't meet thresholds. He's now in y11 and may or may not pass a decent number of exams. I had to pay £££ which I don't have to get the diagnosis. School did actually put some help in place prior to that but he has struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis which he would not have done if it had happened earlier and is not medicated as a result. OP as a teacher, I echo what pp said..it's easiest if he can get them.now but there are plenty of other routes and ways . A number of AuADHD kids I know do all get there, but they are 2-5 years behind is all. It seems like a lot now, but it won't be relevant in a few years time.

Explain to him that the exams are non-negotiable. He has to do them. And if he fails them, he'll only have to do them again. And again. Because all jobs require a basic level of education. So if he doesn't like them, the best solution is to work now, so he never has to do them again.

I'd tell him to focus on Maths and the two Englishes and maybe a couple of other ones that he likes best, and just not worry about the rest. Way better to get good grades in the most important subjects than to get stressed about trying to pass them all and failing.

The school should have spotted dyslexia ages ago. Shame on them if they didn't. If he really does have it, I might suggest that he doesn't take the exams, but gets a proper diagnosis and adjustments, and then just does the key subjects as resits next year, if that is an option.

In terms of helping him - the best way is to ask him to explain stuff to you - to check he understands it. There is a massive gap between familiarity and recall. Teens don't always realise this. They read or hear something and recognise it and think 'Oh yeah, I know that.' But that's not the same as being able to recall it with no prompts in an exam.

With Eng Lit watch all the versions you possibly can. If it's Inspector Calls, the BBC version is pretty good. Macbeth - the movie and maybe try to see the play too. Get hold of the full text comic strip version too. That's helpful for dyslexics to follow the story. Christmas Carol - loads of TV and movie adaptations and often on in local theatres. Not all versions will be 100% faithful to the original, but he can get to know the main characters and story lines and then use BBC bitesize etc for the rest.

With Maths, Khan Academy free online tutorials used to be good (years since DS2 did GCSEs so I might be out of touch) but Khan is good at explaining things clearly to people who struggle with maths. Pick a topic he needs to get better at and help him work through it.

No idea if it will work but I totally bribed my youngest. A tenner for each one above a c (it was letters then!) and 50 for maths and 50 for English. She got 12 all Bs and Cs and I ended up skint!

@RhaenysRocks
Once again, it's not unfair.
You refer to your ds and medication for ADHD, but most dyslexia, like OP's ds's dyslexia, is not treated with medication, and often if it is it is atomoxetine which is still an ADHD drug primarily, when dyslexia occurs alongside ADHD, which it can do.

Hi op, it's common for people with undiagnosed difficulties to switch off and give up, understandable when everyone around them succeeds without effort and they assume they're just no good.

Here are some links from dyslexia association to hopefully help

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/advice/children/my-childs-education/reasonable-adjustments-in-education

https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexia

I would get a private opinion/diagnosis on the possible dyslexia asap (no point waiting for NHS!) to get him some extra time I. The exams when they come. And tutor for maths and English. Make sure you have all the coursework books, and go through the other subjects with him bit by bit, using recommended YouTube videos (lots of engaging, fun teachers on there which my son found) and go through it together.

https://www.virgin.com/branson-family/richard-branson-blog/my-message-to-anyone-disheartened-by-exam-results

If he is dyslexic he may struggle significantly with organisation. Be prepared to step in and help more than you might think. Sit with him, so he is not struggling alone. Being dyslexic but undiagnised destroys your self esteem. Show him the Richard Branson article and do everything you can to rebuild his confidence in himself.

Hopefully he will pass but if not then all is not lost. Don't forget a huge number don't pass and still end up with jobs.

If he wants to do an apprenticeship then college can provide a bridge if his results aren't great. They will let him study alongside resitting his English and maths.