To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

[Penguinface]

On track to fail every single one. Got a 3 in his mocks for his favourite subject.

I can't get through to him on the need to work and put some effort in. He just doesn't seem to care (if it's just bravado, it's very convincing).

He's possibly dyslexic but hasn't got an official diagnosis.

I feel like I'm bullying him to do schoolwork that he maybe actually can't do. Then I think I've got to make him do it for the sake of his future.

I don't know what to do.

I really love it. People think invigilating is about standing in a sports hall for 3 hours looking stern. But there is so much more to it. I also really like helping the students feel at ease. I might often have the same students for a number of exams so they often start off nervous about us scary invigilators and then you develop a bit of a rapport and they are happy to see a familiar face sitting next to them reading the questions out.

Speak to the school
My DD had similar mock results and was overwhelmed. Seemed like she wasn’t trying but she just had too much to focus on.
Had a meeting with school and they let her drop 4 subjects so she only had 6 to concentrate on
She stayed at school all day still but was allowed to go into the library for some of the sessions she had nothing and at other times sat in the back of the classroom still but could do her own study.
She ended up with two 4s, two 5s, a 6 and a 7 which was way more than we had hoped for.
Even if the school won’t let him leave those lessons they can still agree not to enter him into all of the exams. That will take the pressure off immensely. It will also stop him having a certificate showing failures and will look better for the school too

@SilverBlueRabbit are you / were you a teacher ?? It's something I would love to do but am not a teacher

But are we saying that anyone who can’t pass GCSEs is therefore neurodivergent?

If you haven't or if you have get onto the school SENCO - see if they can arrange assessments. If there's money look at private assessments as well.

If there's money - try maths and English language tutor if he can get up to a 4 in one ideally both opens doors.

Otherwise - with maths at least sit down and start on passed papers - or topics https://www.mathsdiy.com/wjec-gcse-numeracy-topic-booklets/ - workbooks for his exam board and paper you can often but on amazon - you tube video to explain concepts and past exam papers - questions. Brought DS and DD1 grades up that way.

I was late diagnosis as was DD1 - I was a reader still am but still struggle with spelling and reading accurately - brain auto corrects to what I expect - it's not what people expect from dyslexia. One of DD2 friends just got diagnosis in Y11 - her mother a teacher and been fobbed off for years.

Also start looking at local options - college - more practical options maybe - so he has options if he brings grades up or not next year. I think that why DN managed a 4 in English was she had option involving a resit along side a course and a preferred option without and she worked so she could do the preferred option quicker.

My DS we discovered had mild dyslexia

I figured it out after getting him to read out loud to test his eyesite

As it turned out when he read words he read them sort letter by letter as opposed to the whole word

The school dismissed it initially as it had never been flagged because he was in the top 1%

Anyway they did test him and he is

All they could do after that is allow him to use a laptop in class and get extra time in his exams

How long has he being struggling for?
What has the senco about dyslexia?
Have you considered a private assessment?

If you can afford it I would get him private tutors for maths and English

Lots of DC so badly in their mocks then work their arses off and end up doing well or at least pass their GCSEs

He just needs to come home and study for a few hours each day

Do all his homework and go through his notes and any lesson PowerPoints and extra work the teachers give him

Creating flash cards really helps too

My DS didn't need any kind of official assessment

The school just accepted he was and that was that and they immediately put everything in place

State school

If you think he's dyslexic get an assessment done ASAP - go private and then get the extra help in place that he may need

Surely he has to be in education at least till he's 18, meaning if he wants to do anything at college he will need to redo anything he fails required for that course

No- I used to work as an administrator in a number of sectors (law, charities). But I gave up work for a bit when I became chronically ill and the cause could not be identified for a while. After a year or so my DCs school advertised for invigilators and I wanted to know what my own DS1 would be facing (he has a range of SEN) so I thought I would do it for a year. I am heading into my 4th year now! Our local authority jobs website advertises for invigilators as well for the state schools and I have seen other advertisements in our local paper jobs section.

Thinking of our invigilation team, I don't think very many are teachers or retired teachers. One is a retired dentist. One a former computer programmer. A former marketing director, etc.

DD asked me to get her a maths tutor after her mocks which I did

The tutor was great and DD went up a couple of grades which we were delighted about

The tutor asked DD what she wanted to work on and took it from there. They'd have the lesson online or face to face and she'd bring in worksheets for her to work on

For maths get him to do as many past papers as possible

For English he needs to work on each main character in the books. He can find what he needs online with regards to that and everything else he needs

You can buy flash cards for most of the books for the relevant exam board

Like these

Utter rubbish.

Wow, the school sound terrible tbh. Just bunging him a computer reader thing and not even telling you why 😵‍💫

FWIW I haven’t used my GCSEs since I did them and have a career I absolutely adore and a perfect home life. It’s not the end of the world!

I stand corrected. It appears to differ in what country within the UK you reside. Thanks @LIZS 😊

No. But the OP queried a neurodivergence so the advice to shame, nag and bribe him into submission is rather short sighted.

Teaching assistant here. Go for a dyslexia assessment. Talk to the school about exam access arrangements'

• Maths: reader/scribe 25% extra time
• English: computer if he can type better then he can write; Reader for writing exams. or computer reader or reading pen 25% extra time for both (or 50% if they let him)
• Everything else reader or reading pen, scribe/computer 25% extra time
• Try coloured paper. If you find one that's easier for him, that colour for all exams

Look at dyslexia screening - although it's unlikely you'd get one done before the requests for access arrangements need to be finalised. The school can do them without.

he speaks beautifully but can't write it down!
He could have dysgraphia. Dysgraphia’ and ‘specific learning disorder in written expression’ are terms used to describe those individuals who, despite exposure to adequate instruction, demonstrate writing ability discordant with their cognitive level and age. Dysgraphia is a specific learning disorder in written expression referring to (a) the language-based difficulties involved in constructing meaningful and effectively structured expressive writing and (b) ongoing weaknesses in spelling and punctuation that affect a student's capacity to express their ideas with clarity.

My daughter was set to get 5s and 6s in all 8 GCSEs and she barely scraped three 4s in the end, yet some of her friends who weren't predicted to pass did very well in the end. I'm not saying you shouldn't worry but just that things don't always turn out how you expect them to and he might surprise you

I am exactly the same- son doing lc in Ireland and failing everything because he doesn’t do anything. In pt meeting they all said ‘I don’t even know what to tell you now, we’re trying to get it through to him’. I was nearly crying listening to people talking about their sons doing medecine and engineering and was the only one there without my son with me. I felt sick.

We’ve eased him off screens lately by getting him out more but that’s still done nothing. I’ve always said as long as they’re happy healthy and good, maybe we should just be happy with that and I said it to one teacher and she said ‘look, he is a lovely guy, he’ll get a job somewhere off his personality and I’d guess he’ll work on and be fine’. It gave me something. I’ll obviously still be the nag but it isn’t everything in the very end (I have to believe that!)

@ThatIsNotMyNameSoWhyAreYouCallingMeThat - the OP has said they have no diagnosis which is why I said to speak to the school. They have said that they are frustrated at lack of effort (which I get as in similar position) - you have no idea what I know about ND so you can get off your high horse about that one. I was offering empathy about frustration when a child is appearing to lack incentive.
OP I hope the school is sympathetic.

Mum of son with late diagnosis of ADHD who didn’t want to study at all. Things that helped (but were not appreciated at the time) included booking the all plays for English GCSE. My son had Macbeth, An Inspector Calls and King Lear. Dragged him to all of them, the visual aspect helped him understand them, didn’t do expensive west end shows just local theatres (around exam time the seats were packed with other students and their parents, even my son was surprised).
Found a Saturday school that covered science and maths.
Sat with him to revise in short bursts. Offered cash incentives for passing, I know not everyone agrees with this but it’s a language they understand and in the real world - working hard=reward.
He’s currently in his last year of A-Levels. It was such a stressful time, you have my sympathy, it was hell.
Also if you suspect he is dyslexic, approach the school to see if he qualifies for extra time. Good luck.

OMG, your point b is uncannily accurate. His English teacher said he probably has one of the best vocabularies (level 6/7) but as he can't use full stops and capital letters properly, he won't be marked past level 1/2 for it.

I will get on to the SENCo x