To feel like such a failure over my son's GCSEs?

[Penguinface]

On track to fail every single one. Got a 3 in his mocks for his favourite subject.

I can't get through to him on the need to work and put some effort in. He just doesn't seem to care (if it's just bravado, it's very convincing).

He's possibly dyslexic but hasn't got an official diagnosis.

I feel like I'm bullying him to do schoolwork that he maybe actually can't do. Then I think I've got to make him do it for the sake of his future.

I don't know what to do.

You have my sympathy.

My son was exactly like this, never passed English but closer to the time he did pull his finger out and do some work. He didn't get the results parents dream of but enough to get to the next stage and by some miracle got a 6 in English despite never having got more than a 3 before.

I would say as hard as it is you need to step back a bit. His results are not a reflection on you or your parenting. I would far rather have a son I liked with rubbish GCSE's than a right arsehole with all 9s.

Also, the amount of parents who told me their offspring were on track for all 8s and 9s who were very silent on results day was huge! So let that wash over you.

I understand completely and feel the same. It keeps me awake at night worrying. Talk to the school and explain this to them.

My son was diagnosed with ASD in the summer and has dyspraxia and possibly dyslexia. We are waiting for an adhd assessment too. He got 1s in his last mocks and a U in maths and science. This was based on him doing absolutely no work at home. His teachers have told me that he just missed out on 2s for his history, ICT and business. He uses a laptop and it was the layout and composition of his answers that he missed out on. He got a distinction in his English speech and already a level 2 merit in his ICT course work.

He uses a laptop for all his work and his exams as his writing is illegible.

We’re focusing on him getting at least four grade 2s so he can go to our local college and do a sports course (level 2). Sadly the school system has failed him despite all our best efforts and making him complete hours of revision at home after an already very difficult day at school would be cruel.

His maths teacher is asking if he can sit the functional skills grade 1 so he will at least leave school with a maths qualification. He is legally required to sit his gcse maths but stands no chance of getting a grade. He will get his English language if we take the steps his teacher has advised us of. So instead of learning endless Macbeth quotes we are focusing on his English language revision, his story writing and laying out his work correctly on the laptop.

We do at least now feel we have a realistic plan and way forward which has helped reduce some of my anxiety and worries for him and his future.

As others have said, set some realistic goals and plans and focus on his next steps. School isn’t for everyone.

You can absolutely do an apprenticeship without 4s in Maths and English. For any parents worried about this check vacancies on the gov.uk website. There are lots of Level 2 apprenticeships and students can work on their M/E alongside. I have supported lots of students who are not getting 4s but have amazing work experience and have already got an apprenticeship secured for after Year 11. He also has college as an option.

My advice would be to focus on Maths and English as he will have more options (level 2 or level 3 apprenticeship). If he doesn’t quite get his 4s he can just do a Level 2 college course and move up to a Level 3 the following year. No big deal. Or the apprenticeship route. It’s not the end of the world and he still has lots of options. Good luck x

Also a 3 is close to a 4. It’s nothing but revision from here on out. It is not a lost cause!

Can you afford to pay for tutoring for English and Maths?

currently going through this with my 15yo DD who we strongly suspect is ADHD/ASD although not diagnosed (school agree, and both myself and her older brother have AuDHD diagnosis)

The school have agreed to treat her as needing ALL the help, she has a laptop, access to a scribe (she dictates they do the writing for her) movement breaks, a separate rooms for exams, however ALL that help cannot make her do the homework, or write anything down during the exams.. her attention span wanders.

She was forecast 8 due to her working grades/engagement in class, but its proving in the actual exams we're fighting for 4s and 5s if we're lucky.

We have agreed a strategy during her last round of mocks that she has extra time to read the papers,, work out which questions are worth the most points, do some prep work (write down on another piece of paper what each questions is asking) and to tackle those first.

We also have some reference cards in the car that before each exam we go over what this exam asks for, whether its just finding evidence, or arguing for/against...etc

Her speaking exams in spanish and english will be done while walking in an enclosed environment as more conversational rather than exam-like to try and keep her attention focussed.

You have to be in communication with the school, think outside the box, try to see what works.

She won't do homework, so she attends regular intervention sessions at school. WE use the drive to school for some revision, its 10 mins twice a day, so we have some revision cards and focus on one or two per day.

At the moment she has a good passing grade in Art & Music, we're managing to hit target in Maths, history is borderline, and English and Science are more questionable

Ultimately, remember, exams can be retaken (her older brother is redoing both his English/maths during college) and results do not define who they are.

So an update - the school have confirmed that he will have a computer reader and 5 minute rest breaks every 30 minutes during the exams. They have a full access arrangements report on it and the SENCO will review it, especially thr suggestion for a "prompter" - someone to sit next to him in the exam and nudge him if he zones out.

They said he might qualify for extra time if he has a dyslexia diagnosis so we're considering that.

I an aware it all sounds good but might not help!

So we have got him a tutor for English and school have just given out revision plans for every subject to every student for the next six months. Going to focus on English, maths and science for the best results he can get.

To everyone who offered support, ideas, help and suggestions- thsnk you so much, you have helped so much.

To the other mums in this situation, I feel you, you're not alone either and I hope all the advice helps you and your kids too.

Great you’ve got it sorted
Seriously consider my previous suggestion though and ask for him to be entered into less exams - even 6 or 7 instead of 9/10 makes a huge difference
It will remove pressure considerably and will give him more time to focus on the ones that matter.
I know you said you are going to focus on maths, English and science anyway but he will still have to do something for the others and time will be spent sitting those exams and preparing for them
Having less overall will make a huge difference, I know my DD would have never got into college without doing that

Dyslexia and dsyogralhia classic signs are verbally very eloquently and good vocabulary and understanding but poor written work... Op unfortunately his self esteem has probably take a massive hit over the years stuck in a outdated system where no one has understood him and been able to teach him in the way he needs.

You need an entire different approach I'd apologise to him explain our shit school system, and try and bridge that gap get Senco involved etc and maybe pay for a diagnoses.

The work on different motivations for right now, can you afford to pay him for work?
Anything that helps him right now because it's been left to fester for so long?
Tutors definitely.

Show him successful people with those sen

@Penguinface my experience is that prompting gets missed in exams and no one will sit next to him it will be more invigilator walking around. He will have his arrangements written down.

He will be fine. Kids find their own path eventually even if it isn’t the one you hoped for them. I did crap in my GCSEs, passed I think one A-Level and barely attended, then dropped out of the next course I started. Bummed about for a bit, worked, got some money, did an access course, then a degree, worked, then another degree. I’m a staff nurse working in a highly acute specialty, and will probably start my Masters a year or so after my little one is born next year. Not bad for someone all my teachers wrote off!