Paying for Bridesmaids

[wantnoscrubs]

I understand keeping to a wedding budget is important and not spending too lavishly if it's outside of your means, but I've been asked to be a bridesmaid by three friends next year, whom I love dearly, and I've been asked to buy my dress for every single wedding.
They have said I can choice my dress but it has to be X colour.

I got married two years ago and had them as bridesmaids, paid for their dresses, hair and MU. I feel like if you ask someone to be a BM this is a cost you should take on? Especially as there is a cost involved already in being BM with hen dos and travel/ hotels.

They don't know I feel this way and I won't tell them cause I don't want to hurt their feelings.
AIBU?

Bride pays for dress... anything else is rude

Bride pays for dress!

Yeah, the bride pays for the dress. I personally bought the dress/hair. Then any other accessories like shoes/jewellery I just said to buy themselves.

The bride at the very least pays for the dresses! When I was best woman everything for me was paid for including accommodation and a present. With another wedding only the dress was paid for. When my DS was a pageboy his outfit, our room and food was all paid for.

If your friends do not want to buy your dress then you buy the dress of your choice. Which might mean you wearing the same dress to all the weddings.

I get wanting the wedding of your dreams but you can't expect others to finance it.

Agreed I got married 4 years ago and have been a bridesmaid plenty of times and bride always pays for the dress. The only thing I asked my girls was if they had shoes they already owned if they could wear them and if not I would send them money for shoes.

Tbf I did also pay for my bridesmaids accommodation - I think I'm a chump!

I'm just surprised all three have asked this. They aren't friends with each other so haven't followed each others lead.

I feel like it's becoming the norm?

I paid for everything for my BM, possibly not shoes I think 🤔

Bride should pay for the dress always - even if the brief is simply a colour and the bridesmaid can pick their own style.

Anything the bride is stipulating they should also pay for - if they are insisting on hair and/make-up done professionally that should be covered. However, if the bride is relaxed on things then there is no need to pay, for example I simply said nude or metallic shoes of any height and any jewellery providing it wasn't too loud so I felt no obligation to pay for those items.

Of course the bride should cover all costs. That's why bridesmaids get such awful dresses!!

I think the ‘American’ way is creeping in - from what I’ve seen - the bridesmaids pay for their dresses.
I think it’s tight and unfair of them especially as you bought theirs.

If I'm paying for a dress to wear then I'm having complete autonomy over it. No stipulations on colour, style, length etc. Same goes for shoes, hair, accessories and makeup.

I think its cheap as fuck to not pay for your bridesmaids outfits. My husband had to buy a specific suit as an usher and the couple cheekily claimed it was great for him as he'd have a suit to wear after. Funnily enough he's never since worn the brown tweed suit.

Politely decline and save yourself the money now.

It’s very American for bridesmaids to buy their own. I think that’s the brides job personally but USA brides often have many bridesmaids and it costs $$$$ to be a bridesmaid with all the duties.

Gone are the days of having your best friend and sister as your bridesmaids. Bridezillas want at least 12 bridesmaids and they’re too tight/skint to bear the cost.

Yanbu op it's rude! I didn't have bridesmaids but had flower girls and their parents didn't pay a penny, we covered the lot. It's how it should be.

So weird. I had a low cost wedding so I had no BMs. WTF is the matter with people?

Bride should pay for bridesmaids. I paid for bridesmaids dresses, shoes, accessories, hair, make up and nails. It's an American thing making bridesmaids pay for their own dresses etc and it's just mean.

Im in Australia and the norm here. I thinks it’s ok as they have been upfront about it. If you don’t want to pay for a dress you can decline. You don’t have to spend a lot. Maybe you could agree to buy the dress, but won’t buy new shoes, the bride has to ok ones you already have. Or get one pair you can wear to all three weddings. You could say if the bride wants hair and makeup done professionally she has to pay for it.

Just about how you can make it work.

I think it totally depends on the wider context. My maid of honour (I only had the one) paid for her dress (of her choice). She was living abroad and bought her dress on her own in a local shop. Logistically, it just made sense rather than trying to make international bank transfers to pay for it (it cost £60).

But I paid for everything other than her flight to the UK for the wedding (she combined my wedding with a month of UK/European travel). I paid for her train ticket/taxi from the airport, all her accommodation for the weekend, all meals, obviously stuff like makeup and hair on the day. Only things she paid for were any snacks if she ran to the shop and any alcohol that wasn’t part of a meal or at the wedding (like if she ran to Tesco for a bottle of prosecco for her room).

When I’ve been a bridesmaid I had dresses paid for by the bride and when I got married I paid for dresses hair and make up but they all picked their own shoes because some people like heels and some people don’t

"Thank you for asking me, but I can't afford to be a bridesmaid"

I wouldn't ask for someone to be my bridesmaid without factoring the cost to have them as my bridesmaid.
Nor would I be a bridesmaid to shoulder all of the cost purely because it's not a big deal for me to be someone's bridesmaid.
That said, I would offer to pay all of my costs if my sister asked me.

I paid for everything, including accommodation. I didn't want what should be a lovely day for them put them at any stress to pay for stuff. If people can't afford to buy the dresses at the very least then have less bridesmaids or let people wear what they want.

Bride pays for dress, shoes if they want certain ones, hair and make up if the bride wants a look.

It’s the UK not the states where its expected bridesmaid will pay

inwould just go back and say sorry I can’t afford three dresses, and tradition is bride pays, as I did for you. If that’s not possible the. I have to step away from bridesmaid s duties

It's so rude! Like a PP we paid for everything except shoes (but would have if any of them didn't already have a suitable pair they were happy to wear).

Dresses, hair, make-up, transport and drinks.

I'd decline any bridesmaid role that required me to spend money (given I don't subscribe to the MN view that any wedding invite demands a new outfit, I've no issue wearing something I already own as a guest).