Paying for Bridesmaids

[wantnoscrubs]

I understand keeping to a wedding budget is important and not spending too lavishly if it's outside of your means, but I've been asked to be a bridesmaid by three friends next year, whom I love dearly, and I've been asked to buy my dress for every single wedding.
They have said I can choice my dress but it has to be X colour.

I got married two years ago and had them as bridesmaids, paid for their dresses, hair and MU. I feel like if you ask someone to be a BM this is a cost you should take on? Especially as there is a cost involved already in being BM with hen dos and travel/ hotels.

They don't know I feel this way and I won't tell them cause I don't want to hurt their feelings.
AIBU?

I had 2 bridesmaids and paid for dresses, accessories, hair, make up and thank you gift. if bride can't afford that then she ought to have less bridesmaids.

Bride should pay, it’s so cheeky to expect you to pay

I paid for my bridesmaids dress - but only at my insistence and as part of the wedding gift. It was from a high street shop though and I’ve worn it to many black tie events since, so was worth it. But I would’ve found it rude if I’d been expected to pay!

I've just been a bridesmaid -

• Bride paid for our dress (she chose the place & colour but we could choose the style)
• bride also paid for the make up artist
• bride also paid for matching jewellery

• We each paid the hairdresser as bride didn't mind what we did; so was up to us if we wanted the hairdresser or not
• We each paid for our own shoes

Everyone was happy with it ... meant we could choose our own shoes that we was comfy in all day :-)
Same with the hairdresser; no one was made to do anything they didn't want to have

My daughter got married six years ago. She paid for everything apart from their shoes as they couldn't be seen under the dresses, so they could wear whatever they wanted.

@RampantIvy ’s wording is perfect if you decide that you need to decline.

As others have said, it’s following the American tradition. I moved to the US several years ago and was shocked to discover that bridesmaids pay for their outfits, etc. here. The worst part is that sometimes they have to pay for dresses that they dislike…one friend, for example, had to wear a green monstrosity that she hated!

I think you’d be absolutely justified in declining tbh.

This and I think it's also fair to say that you paid for their dresses, plus with three weddings and therefore three dresses to buy, that ramps up costs for you. Since it doesn't seem fair to buy the dress for one of their weddings but refuse for the others, you will have to decline them all unless some other agreement could be found. (If they all agree on the same colour...)

I paid for everything for my bridesmaids and flower girls. I only had two bridesmaids and two flower girls though.
I also paid for a day out at the zoo for the little ones (from my husbands side of the family) and took them to my parents house in the run up to the wedding day, so they got used to being around me and familiar with where they were getting ready without their mums. It worked out well on the wedding day as their mums were able to drop them off and go and the girls were fine. Years later, and the girls still talk about their pre-bridesmaid treat at the zoo.

Bride should definitely pay for dress

That’s actually a really sweet and clever idea, taking them out and getting to know them.

I have twice been asked to be a bridesmaid where I was one of seven and I had to pay for my own dress (and was told which one to buy!!). The first time the dress was pretty cheap and I liked it so didn't mind. The second time I wish I had declined. I certainly won't be doing it again.

#Rachie1973
I did it because I was a bridesmaid when I was 4 and I was picked up by the bride who I never knew that well and was taken to a house where I didn't know anybody to get ready. At the church, as soon as I saw my daddy, I refused to leave him. I had to be coaxed to walk down the aisle and only did it with my dad walking the outside aisle level with me. After the wedding, I sat down and wouldn't go in the car with the other bridesmaids. I wanted my daddy and that was it. There was no way of getting me into the car with the bigger girls who I didn't know.

It stuck with me and I always said that any flower girls would be treated by me before the wedding so they knew me and would be happy on the wedding day to be away from their parents. I didn't want them.to remember being in a strange place with people they didn't know.

Bride pays or you wear what you want

YANBU to think the bride should pay

YABU to not say anything. Even more so after all you paid out for them.

If they are close enough to you to ask you to be their bridesmaid, then they are close enough to have an honest conversation with.

Very cheeky.
I paid for dress/shoes/make up/jewellery/accommodation for my bridesmaids. It should be all covered by the bride.
Could you possibly wear the same dress for each occasion if the brides don't know each other?

I was a bridesmaid three times this year and each bride paid for my dress and hair/makeup. I would have said no otherwise to be honest.

I was married 7 years ago and I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, hair and makeup and then bought them jewellery to wear with it and obviously provided the mornings drinks.

This sort of thing has been going on since Biblical Times, in fact it was the reason that Joseph had a coat of many colours, as it allowed him to attended multiple colour-themed events in the one coat.

Could consider taking a leaf out of his book (the Bible) and buy a kalidoscopic dress that will satisfy these multiple requirements?

Wow, never known any bridesmaids to have to buy their own dresses! It's not like you'll wear the dress again (I haven't anyway). I bought my bridesmaids dresses and they kept them.

Bride pays for dresses. They're all being very rude. Do you actually want to be a bridesmaid?

My American friend once had to pay for a bridesmaid's dress which looked like Belle's yellow ball gown from Beauty and the Beast, only cut to mid thigh length.

Wow I’d never expect to pay for the dress if I was asked to be a bridesmaid!
I paid for my bridesmaids dress hair and make up and also bought them necklaces and earrings as gifts on the day to say thank you. They paid for their own shoes.

Could you buy a dress then get it dyed for the next wedding? That might save on at least one dress. Or wear it for more than one wedding x

Say no, and be a guest. You can wear the same dress to each wedding

Yikes! 😳