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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this mother should be ashamed of herself

726 replies

2boyzNosleep · 11/12/2024 19:57

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

17yr old girl & 18 yr old boy hook up on holiday in Dubai. I believe they may have met over there. The girls mother finds messages on the girls phone when they return to the UK. The mother reports the guy to Dubai police. He gets arrested as sex with anyone under 18yrs is illegal in Dubai. He has now been sentenced to 1 year in prison.

I haven't looked into it much, as far as I can tell it was consensual, a charity called Detained in Dubai have been trying to help (legally I think).

Am I alone in thinking how bloody spiteful the mother is?!? The girl is 17 years old and I think in another report saw that she turned 18 shortly after returning.

Marcus Fakana in school uniform

Marcus Fakana: Briton, 18, sentenced over Dubai sex with girl, 17

Marcus Fakana has been sentenced for a year over the relationship, a campaign group in Dubai says.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
StarlightLady · 13/12/2024 08:35

Blinky21 · 13/12/2024 08:17

Also it's a reminder not to support the tourist industry in Dubai which washes its image for tourists to cover up its numerous human rights issues

And hopefully a reminder to international governing bodies of large sporting events that this is not OK.

StarlightLady · 13/12/2024 08:39

SpeakEasy2311 · 13/12/2024 04:44

Most definitely they're the same age group and as long it was consensual. Although I really want young people to wait till they're in their 20s

Not sure about the logic of you wanting people to wait until their 20s though. Or, indeed why that is relevant to this case?

SusieSussex · 13/12/2024 08:46

Some people seem to believe that a 17 year and 10 month old is entirely different from an 18 year old, so he must have taken advantage of her. It really doesn't work like that.

Harmonypus · 13/12/2024 10:12

I do think the girl's mother was out of order for reporting this once she arrived back home, but regardless of your age, sexual orientation, etc, the law is the law.

I know that what I'm about to write is a different situation, but it goes to prove the point that you should always ensure you're aware of the laws in force in the country you're in.

At the weekend, I was out for a meal with family (in England) and had half a pint of cider with my meal, knowing that I would be driving us home afterwards. Now, this was the first alcoholic drink I've had in a couple of years, I knew it would show up if breathalysed (but at a very low level due to the food and time the alcohol takes to metabolise), and that it would be decreasing in potency as time went on, so the longer we stayed after our meals, the better.

My son-in-law commented that if we been in Scotland, there is absolutely no drink tolerance when driving, and my drink would be punishable. I wasn't aware of this law, but, had we been in Scotland, not knowing the law is no defence.

Yes, I'm considerably older than 18, so I 'know' that regardless of what country I'm in, I should make myself aware of that country's laws, as should the parents of the two young people involved in this 'underage sex scandal', and they should have advised their kids of the laws of the country they were going to be in, prior to going, or at least, as early as possible upon arrival, in order to ensure they're at least aware, and can take steps to ensure they're compliant.

These were, after all, 17 and 18yr olds, and not 11yr olds, and as such, should be held accountable for their actions. Just because a 16yr old lad having sex with a 15yr old girl would be unlikely to be prosecuted here in the UK, this doesn't mean that other countries are as lax with their laws as we are.

HarrietHedgehog · 13/12/2024 10:35

Harmonypus · 13/12/2024 10:12

I do think the girl's mother was out of order for reporting this once she arrived back home, but regardless of your age, sexual orientation, etc, the law is the law.

I know that what I'm about to write is a different situation, but it goes to prove the point that you should always ensure you're aware of the laws in force in the country you're in.

At the weekend, I was out for a meal with family (in England) and had half a pint of cider with my meal, knowing that I would be driving us home afterwards. Now, this was the first alcoholic drink I've had in a couple of years, I knew it would show up if breathalysed (but at a very low level due to the food and time the alcohol takes to metabolise), and that it would be decreasing in potency as time went on, so the longer we stayed after our meals, the better.

My son-in-law commented that if we been in Scotland, there is absolutely no drink tolerance when driving, and my drink would be punishable. I wasn't aware of this law, but, had we been in Scotland, not knowing the law is no defence.

Yes, I'm considerably older than 18, so I 'know' that regardless of what country I'm in, I should make myself aware of that country's laws, as should the parents of the two young people involved in this 'underage sex scandal', and they should have advised their kids of the laws of the country they were going to be in, prior to going, or at least, as early as possible upon arrival, in order to ensure they're at least aware, and can take steps to ensure they're compliant.

These were, after all, 17 and 18yr olds, and not 11yr olds, and as such, should be held accountable for their actions. Just because a 16yr old lad having sex with a 15yr old girl would be unlikely to be prosecuted here in the UK, this doesn't mean that other countries are as lax with their laws as we are.

So - do you or do you not think the girl’s mother should be ashamed of herself?

MrsFinkelstein · 13/12/2024 12:42

Harmonypus · 13/12/2024 10:12

I do think the girl's mother was out of order for reporting this once she arrived back home, but regardless of your age, sexual orientation, etc, the law is the law.

I know that what I'm about to write is a different situation, but it goes to prove the point that you should always ensure you're aware of the laws in force in the country you're in.

At the weekend, I was out for a meal with family (in England) and had half a pint of cider with my meal, knowing that I would be driving us home afterwards. Now, this was the first alcoholic drink I've had in a couple of years, I knew it would show up if breathalysed (but at a very low level due to the food and time the alcohol takes to metabolise), and that it would be decreasing in potency as time went on, so the longer we stayed after our meals, the better.

My son-in-law commented that if we been in Scotland, there is absolutely no drink tolerance when driving, and my drink would be punishable. I wasn't aware of this law, but, had we been in Scotland, not knowing the law is no defence.

Yes, I'm considerably older than 18, so I 'know' that regardless of what country I'm in, I should make myself aware of that country's laws, as should the parents of the two young people involved in this 'underage sex scandal', and they should have advised their kids of the laws of the country they were going to be in, prior to going, or at least, as early as possible upon arrival, in order to ensure they're at least aware, and can take steps to ensure they're compliant.

These were, after all, 17 and 18yr olds, and not 11yr olds, and as such, should be held accountable for their actions. Just because a 16yr old lad having sex with a 15yr old girl would be unlikely to be prosecuted here in the UK, this doesn't mean that other countries are as lax with their laws as we are.

The difference is that drink driving puts yourself, your passengers, other road users and pedestrians at risk.

Sex, in private, between 2 consenting young adults (who are both well above the age of consent in the country of their birth and residence) puts no one else at risk.

Sceptical123 · 13/12/2024 16:40

Prescottdanni123 · 12/12/2024 22:52

@Northernlass1234

She is young yes,but if it happened in this country, he wouldn't have done anything wrong and she would have been of the legal age to have sex for over a year. No one would have thought anything about it.

The only person who did anything wrong here is the mother. She did this out of pure spite, because she could. He was originally looking at twenty years inside. She deliberately set out to ruin his life.

Edited

As other ppl have pointed out the main case against prince Andrew was the teenager he had sex with was 17 - illegal in some US states but not in the U.K - where they has sex. This couple had sex in the country where it was illegal.

2boyzNosleep · 13/12/2024 18:19

Sceptical123 · 13/12/2024 16:40

As other ppl have pointed out the main case against prince Andrew was the teenager he had sex with was 17 - illegal in some US states but not in the U.K - where they has sex. This couple had sex in the country where it was illegal.

Not comparable at all!

Prince andrew was 41 and she was 17. His age and position means there is a power imbalance There's also the big issue of her claiming to have been sex trafficked! It allegedly also happened in a couple of places in the US. I also think that the age of consent was 17 in the states that the events took place in the USA- so her age of consent wasn't an issue, it was because she was trafficked. He also had the money to make her disappear!

That can't be compared to consenting 17 & 28 year olds that haven't been trafficked

OP posts:
TinkerTiger · 13/12/2024 18:31

Sceptical123 · 13/12/2024 16:40

As other ppl have pointed out the main case against prince Andrew was the teenager he had sex with was 17 - illegal in some US states but not in the U.K - where they has sex. This couple had sex in the country where it was illegal.

The main case with Prince Andrew was that the teenager claimed she was trafficked. It wouldn’t have mattered if she was the legal age of consent.

DemonicCaveMaggot · 13/12/2024 18:37

I think the mother was spiteful to report it, that the boy's race had a lot to do with her decision, and waiting until her DD was safely out of the country before reporting it (to avoid her DD facing an adultery or sex out of wedlock charge herself) puts the absolute tin hat on it.

I am glad he only got 1 year in prison. He was facing 20 years and the mother didn't know he wouldn't get a 20 year sentence.

2Rebecca · 13/12/2024 19:07

People commenting on the fact that 17 is fine in "other countries " are deliberately missing the point. This wasn't an other country. It was Dubai. Their house their rules. What happens in other countries is irrelevant

snowmichael · 14/12/2024 02:12

Trendyname · 12/12/2024 01:10

She did. She willingly took part in the crime. Her mother should have reported her too for breaking the law of the country but she very conveniently reported after her daughter came back to UK.

I hope daughter and mother are summoned back and have to pay a hefty fine because daughter also failed to check the law of the country and mother waited for one of the criminals to leave the country before reporting the crime.

You really have no comprehension of how laws work

snowmichael · 14/12/2024 02:14

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 12/12/2024 01:22

Under Dubai law she was a minor and unable to consent so she did not commit an offence. He committed a crime because he had sex with a minor. Why are people having so much trouble understanding this?

Why?
Because they are stupid

snowmichael · 14/12/2024 02:27

Gogogo12345 · 11/12/2024 22:29

Well if he was also 17 at the time she did

He wasn't
And even if he were, what part of 'age of consent'/'age of criminal responsibility' is too difficult for you to understand?

snowmichael · 14/12/2024 02:29

This reply has been deleted

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Islandgirl68 · 14/12/2024 07:25

Because she had sex and was not married.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 14/12/2024 07:50

kaela100 · 11/12/2024 20:45

She's more likely to be Emirati or middle eastern. The UAE doesn't care about Indians and this case would have been dismissed ages ago otherwise.

This fundamentally misunderstands the way policing works in the UAE. They absolutely would prosecute, regardless of her nationality. They have a very black and white approach to these kinds of crimes - no nuance at all. Similarly, if you cross paths with the police as the victim of a crime, but you yourself have broken the law - they would have no qualms about prosecuting you. They do not turn a blind eye. (And if the girl were Emirati, it’s less likely her family would report it, for fear of the stigma/social implications.)

Feelingathomenow · 14/12/2024 09:41

This reply has been deleted

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I thought those kinds of actions were against MN talk guidelines.

why would you want to defend a woman for knowingly destroying a child’s life when the morals (and laws) of the country they all live in means no one has done anything wrong. She has purposely set out to take advantage of the laws of the country they were holidaying in for a couple of weeks. The only good that can come out of this is the daughter wakes up and realises the true nature of her mother and cuts her out of her life and lives it how she sees fit! Who the hell would want a mother like that in their life.

StarlightLady · 14/12/2024 09:57

This reply has been deleted

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What people have posted elsewhere about different circumstances is quite different. People consider each case on its merits.

WaitingforStrike · 14/12/2024 10:11

Knock yourself out, Snowmichael
(as in, "go for it", not a threat of violence!)

WindyRedAlert · 14/12/2024 10:35

UndeniablyGenX · 11/12/2024 20:10

Out of interest, would people's responses be the same if this had happened in the UK and he was 16, she was 15?

Yes.

StarlightLady · 14/12/2024 12:54

Islandgirl68 · 14/12/2024 07:25

Because she had sex and was not married.

As a significant majority of the population have.

Islandgirl68 · 14/12/2024 13:31

@StarlightLady but not in dubai, mother waited till they got home, if she had complained in Dubai, her daughter would probably have been arrested too, as she had sex outside marriage. Yes ok in UK

euff · 14/12/2024 14:09

I think the law changed a few years ago and sex outside marriage is no longer illegal same with cohabiting when unmarried. Also the age of consent was only increased from 14 to 18 in the last few years.

To answer the OP, this woman should be ashamed but won't be. No pity for any backlash or negative attention she receives.

StarlightLady · 14/12/2024 14:23

Islandgirl68 · 14/12/2024 13:31

@StarlightLady but not in dubai, mother waited till they got home, if she had complained in Dubai, her daughter would probably have been arrested too, as she had sex outside marriage. Yes ok in UK

Heterosexual sex outside marriage for over 18s has been legal in Dubai since 2022.