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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this mother should be ashamed of herself

726 replies

2boyzNosleep · 11/12/2024 19:57

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

17yr old girl & 18 yr old boy hook up on holiday in Dubai. I believe they may have met over there. The girls mother finds messages on the girls phone when they return to the UK. The mother reports the guy to Dubai police. He gets arrested as sex with anyone under 18yrs is illegal in Dubai. He has now been sentenced to 1 year in prison.

I haven't looked into it much, as far as I can tell it was consensual, a charity called Detained in Dubai have been trying to help (legally I think).

Am I alone in thinking how bloody spiteful the mother is?!? The girl is 17 years old and I think in another report saw that she turned 18 shortly after returning.

Marcus Fakana in school uniform

Marcus Fakana: Briton, 18, sentenced over Dubai sex with girl, 17

Marcus Fakana has been sentenced for a year over the relationship, a campaign group in Dubai says.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cly2zq1yl0ko

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MrsFinkelstein · 12/12/2024 09:51

Walkden · 12/12/2024 02:37

"But the Mum and daughter are in England and reported back in England so they weren't in another country complying with their laws they were in England."

They are not the ones who "fucked around and found out"...

The Mother certainly has now.

Her photo and name are all over SM. Along with her daughter's.

She's irrevocably changed all their lives.

saraclara · 12/12/2024 09:52

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 09:45

@2boyzNosleep She reported it because she was unhappy. Not because it was assault (although obviously due to age of consent in Dubai it does come under that). I go back to, if they were so concerned about her having sex, how did the opportunity come about? He didn't abduct her, they both consented. And they were months apart in age. It's not like he was 18 and she was 14.

Where do you draw the line though? We can argue day and night about whether it’s right or fair or even logical but in Dubai, 18 is the age of consent. I agree, a few months are hardly going to make a difference in maturity, responsibility or understanding but that’s not what the laws or culture in Dubai allows for. Technically, she was underage and could not legally consent. This is an important lesson for all young men and women to learn and understand (as they also need to understand consent can be withdrawn, not saying no is not the same as saying yes, etc).

As an example, the legal age for drinking here is 18 and there are very hefty fines (and potentially prison) for serving alcohol to someone under 18. You don’t get a pass if they’re almost 18. Even if it’s their birthday tomorrow, you cannot legally serve them alcohol. I’m sure some bar staff do and probably get away with it, but that doesn’t mean they’re right or smart to do so - or that a parent is wrong for reporting it if it happens, even though most parents probably wouldn’t.

If you went on a family holiday and found out that your daughter had willing sex with someone a few months older, would you really report it, knowing that it could ruin the other person's life??

No, I wouldn’t. I would ensure my daughter was not coerced/forced as that would be my main concern, but I’d like to think my daughter and I have a healthy and respectful relationship where she would not need to sneak around or lie to me or put herself into a potentially unsafe position. However, just because this mother made a different choice doesn’t mean she’s disgusting/racist/vile/a cunt/deserves threats or to have her life and her daughter’s life ruined as payback, either. As quick as we are to give the male here the benefit of the doubt for “not knowing the law” (or not understanding the law), perhaps the mother also didn’t realise how serious the consequences could be, for all the reasons everyone keeps pointing out (daughter almost 18, consensual, etc)?

perhaps the mother also didn’t realise how serious the consequences could be, for all the reasons everyone keeps pointing out (daughter almost 18, consensual, etc)?

If course she did. What would have been the reason for her reporting it if she hadn't known it was illegal in Dubai?

They were teenagers, and van be exposed for not being aware of the law and the risk. She's a grown woman who clearly checked the law and will have seen the likely punishment.

Shellybeans · 12/12/2024 09:52

angrymenopausal · 12/12/2024 09:14

Can I check, do you actually believe that the girl was assaulted? Do you believe that the mother thought her daughter was assaulted? That the boy commuted a nefarious non-consensual act with her?

No, I personally don’t but I was responding to the comment that implied if something happened in another country, it would be wrong to report it from your country when you found out about it. However, given she was not of the age of consent in the country where this occurred, legally she could not give consent.

angrymenopausal · 12/12/2024 10:36

I've just seen on the bbc website that he's been given bail. I'm assuming this is a good thing?

MerryChristmasYaFilthyBrusselSprout · 12/12/2024 10:39

MumWifeOther · 11/12/2024 23:51

I said since they were of that heritage and due to the fact that she had to hide and conceal her holiday fling it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that they are racist.

And in any case, I as a mother of black boys would make this assumption EVERY.SINGLE.TIME because I rather be proven wrong than right when it comes to the safety of my children.

And for the record, I would actually make this assumption about the parents of any child who felt she had to conceal my sons identity.

You wouldn’t, and couldn’t possibly, understand that or why.

So carry on being the ignorant and privileged brussel sprout you are, if you must and cannot shut up.

Bit rude.
And carry on making the assumption everyone is racist before they prove you wrong, I’m sure your boys will appreciate you ‘protecting’ them this way.

MerryChristmasYaFilthyBrusselSprout · 12/12/2024 10:39

angrymenopausal · 12/12/2024 10:36

I've just seen on the bbc website that he's been given bail. I'm assuming this is a good thing?

Ooh maybe, fingers crossed 🤞

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 10:43

Annabella92 · 12/12/2024 09:50

He broke the law she didn't?

Did you even read what I said? Clearly not. I was not commenting on the issue around the age of consent.

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 10:58

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 09:14

Naive and dangerous. Both him and his parents.

And her. She isn't innocent in all of this.

She’s reckless! But my point has always been yes the mother who reported this went too far, but also that his parents and he should have known better!

ItGhoul · 12/12/2024 10:59

NotOneOfTheInCrowd · 11/12/2024 20:03

On the face of it she is clearly a bitch. But.

How did she know they’d had sex? Assuming that she wasn’t an active observer, the daughter had to have told her.

Likely the daughter knows what kind of person she is, this won’t have been the first time she’s acted like this, the daughter still told her? Why?

I’m not sure the daughter is all that innocent here either.

She knows they had sex because she snooped on her daughter's phone and read messages about it. The daughter didn't tell her anything. She found out by invading her daughter's privacy.

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 11:01

MerryChristmasYaFilthyBrusselSprout · 12/12/2024 10:39

Bit rude.
And carry on making the assumption everyone is racist before they prove you wrong, I’m sure your boys will appreciate you ‘protecting’ them this way.

Again - you either can’t read or you’re being purposely difficult.

I said IF whoever my sons met felt they had to conceal their indentity to their parents - I would assume it’s because they’re racist.

I wouldn’t take the risk. It would be safer to assume this and be proven wrong if need be.

Obviously you could never begin to unpack WHY - just be grateful and aware of that privilege.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 11:34

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 10:58

She’s reckless! But my point has always been yes the mother who reported this went too far, but also that his parents and he should have known better!

But you say nothing about her responsibility in all this. My point is that she should have known better as well. It is not all on him and his parents.

Of course none of this would have ever been know about if it wasn't for her mother's spiteful behaviour.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 11:37

On the subject of consent, I imagine their thought process went no further than "we are both above the age of consent in our home country" and didn't consider that either there was a different age in Dubai or that it applied to them.

If anything good can come out of this, it is that maybe people know better having read about this shit show!

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 11:42

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 11:34

But you say nothing about her responsibility in all this. My point is that she should have known better as well. It is not all on him and his parents.

Of course none of this would have ever been know about if it wasn't for her mother's spiteful behaviour.

Because she wasn’t the one breaking the law in a foreign country. He broke the law being 18 when she was still 17. The onus is on him. His parents knew about her and failed to protect their son and now they’re crying about it. I would have been incredibly suspicious about this girls parents and as I stated I would have locked my son in his hotel room if I had to!!

2Rebecca · 12/12/2024 11:57

It's a warning not to take your teenagers to Dubai. The girl's parents must have presumed their 17 year old daughter was safe from randy males wanting a sexual holiday romance due to Dubai's rules. The man is 18 and should have understood the rules in Dubai are different, it's not a secret. The mother saw pictures on the girl's phone it's unclear what of but if he was encouraging her to take sexual pictures that's an offense even in the UK. He doesn't deserve to go to jail but was very foolish.

JudgeJ · 12/12/2024 12:08

WarmingClothesontheRadiator · 12/12/2024 00:54

A good reason to be careful to follow local laws. Though it is unlikely that a healthy 18 young man and British citizen would die in a Dubai prison in a year. Dubai authorities would not be blind to the diplomatic issues that would cause.

All this support for obeying the laws of the country one's in yet if that is suggested for people from other countries in this country there is the usual outrage, how dare we not honour their different culture! Usual MN hypocrisy.

angrymenopausal · 12/12/2024 12:35

2Rebecca · 12/12/2024 11:57

It's a warning not to take your teenagers to Dubai. The girl's parents must have presumed their 17 year old daughter was safe from randy males wanting a sexual holiday romance due to Dubai's rules. The man is 18 and should have understood the rules in Dubai are different, it's not a secret. The mother saw pictures on the girl's phone it's unclear what of but if he was encouraging her to take sexual pictures that's an offense even in the UK. He doesn't deserve to go to jail but was very foolish.

There is absolutely nothing that suggests that kind of content was shared on his phone. Stop talk talking utter tosh. And stop tying to make him sound like some kind of predator. Ridiculous.

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 12:39

MumWifeOther · 12/12/2024 11:42

Because she wasn’t the one breaking the law in a foreign country. He broke the law being 18 when she was still 17. The onus is on him. His parents knew about her and failed to protect their son and now they’re crying about it. I would have been incredibly suspicious about this girls parents and as I stated I would have locked my son in his hotel room if I had to!!

Learn to read FFS!

I give up.

AngeloMysterioso · 12/12/2024 12:54

2Rebecca · 12/12/2024 11:57

It's a warning not to take your teenagers to Dubai. The girl's parents must have presumed their 17 year old daughter was safe from randy males wanting a sexual holiday romance due to Dubai's rules. The man is 18 and should have understood the rules in Dubai are different, it's not a secret. The mother saw pictures on the girl's phone it's unclear what of but if he was encouraging her to take sexual pictures that's an offense even in the UK. He doesn't deserve to go to jail but was very foolish.

Given that she willingly had sex with him and was apparently arranging to meet up with him again back in the UK, one could argue that she is a randy female wanting a sexual holiday romance

EasyTouch · 12/12/2024 12:59

SoupDragon · 12/12/2024 11:34

But you say nothing about her responsibility in all this. My point is that she should have known better as well. It is not all on him and his parents.

Of course none of this would have ever been know about if it wasn't for her mother's spiteful behaviour.

Sorry, I cannot put blame on the girl.
His parents are responsible for him being in prison.
It was he that had sex with an underage girl, pertaining to Dubai law.
It was his parents who facilitated him breaking the law.
Slut shaming is not going to change these facts.
It is not her having sex that put him in prison.
It was him having non marital sex with somebody, who according to.Dubai law could not give consent that got him put in prison.

Until this message gets through to the noggins of him, his parents and his defenders, especially those picking and choosing which racial narratives to use (conveniently none which question his or his parents' possible racial motives for seemingly losing their natural God given Black minds faced with the prospect of having a non Black in their family presence), I can see many more Black boys and men getting caught up due to Black cultural.standards being too much "raise the girl, spoil the boy".

We already know that generationally,. too many Black males and their enablers tolerate or are actually attracted to racist others and that the racism is seen as a sexual challenge.

My family, near and extended doesn't buy into that dumb "interracialism at the cost to one's dignity" dumb Mandingo trope.
I'd bet my home that his parents had their own racial self hate motivations for dropping the parenting ball when their unambiguously Black son introduced them to an Indian girl who could not replicate the scenario with her parents.
I am for dealing with the world as is.
Especially where it comes to Black people.

And I cannot countenance narratives that steal our agency or deflect upon others.

Thus far, that dynamic currently has Black males as a group seemingly finding it easier to see Black women as competition, yet entitled to our emotional resources when they fuck up......too often due to our cultural low standards for them and our own issues of default being the Backbone of Blackness.

I am just not invested enough in "Whiteness" or "otherness" to ignore culpability of a Black person when one of us gets hemmed up.

Especially as outsourcing accountability or responsibility to Others always comes with a tab that we have to pay further down the line as "we" seem to have not come to grips with the fact that Racial Altruism does not exist for Others, whilst so many of us refuse to embrace that adult fact.

I would despair if I had bought into Corporate UK Multiculturalism as Black person.

Thank Jah my parents had vision for where that would lead UK Black people.
If I being real badmind, I'd even ask why Dubai was considered a holiday destination of a lifetime when the Whole of Africa, the Caribbean or even South America is far more edifying to visit as a Black person.

Or Las Vegas, even.
I hope this boy is released soon.
I doubt lessons will be learned.
Jack Johnson chuckles.

andIsaid · 12/12/2024 13:06

ItGhoul · 12/12/2024 10:59

She knows they had sex because she snooped on her daughter's phone and read messages about it. The daughter didn't tell her anything. She found out by invading her daughter's privacy.

How do you know she snooped and the daughter did not tell her anything?

A lot of us are repeating that but I cannot find any quotes from the mother or the daughter.

Most are coming from Marcus side.

Did you see an interview or quotes/statements from the woman or daughter? Could you share them or point me in the right direction?

PromoJoJo · 12/12/2024 13:06

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

saraclara · 12/12/2024 13:07

His parents are responsible for him being in prison

WTF?

JackGrealishsCalves · 12/12/2024 13:13

Fififafa · 11/12/2024 20:11

Considering they are both British citizens or at least both live here, plus the fact that an 18yr old had consensual sex with a 17yr old, would be perfectly legal thing to do here. For the girl’s mother to then get the boy in trouble with the authorities in Dubai just smacks of vindictiveness and dare I say possibly a tinge of racism.

The family are Indian Sikhs, to Indians black people are the lowest caste.
Apparently the messages were about meeting up when they got home, pretty sure this was the mothers incentive to take this action, pretty horrendous really

justasking111 · 12/12/2024 13:36

JackGrealishsCalves · 12/12/2024 13:13

The family are Indian Sikhs, to Indians black people are the lowest caste.
Apparently the messages were about meeting up when they got home, pretty sure this was the mothers incentive to take this action, pretty horrendous really

Ah my SIL is Indian, she's explained caste to me. Her family disowned her when she married my brother for this reason.

nellly · 12/12/2024 13:38

Is no one else wondering how they afforded a trip Dubai working in a warehouse and as a cleaner Blush